This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 26, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle. Welcome to "The Five's" Memorial Day special.
We hope you've been enjoying your holiday weekend. And it's the unofficial kick off of summer. But it's also a day when Americans pause to remember those who have died while serving our country.
And on this Memorial Day, it's an outrage to report that some of our veterans have been betrayed by our government. Dozens have been left to die waiting for health care and they should never happen in America. But it has.
"Hannity" show spoke to family members of some of the victims.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP, "HANNITY")
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We took him to the emergency room at the V.A. September 28th, he was showing signs of blood. He wasn't feeling well. His stomach hurt.
AINSLEY EARHARDT, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: What did the V.A. hospital do?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Nothing.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He fell December 7th of last year and he broke his back. It's taken months to get the V.A. to do anything. He needed a procedure where they inject surgical cement into the back.
EARHARDT: Do you agree with this doctor that says there's a secret list and do you think your husband was on it?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I do think my husband was on the secret list.
EARTHARDT: You think your husband might have been the last person on that list because he died a month ago?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He died a month ago. Yep. He was probably the last person.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: That was Fox's Ainsley Earhardt reporting.
Now, the question is, will our commander-in-chief fix the problem and can our vets trust that he will?
That's the big question here, Eric, as we consider the situation. Memorial Day, veterans who have faithfully served, died on behalf of this country and those that were left waiting to die.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: You know, President Obama in the past said this was going to be an important for thing to him. You know, when he was Senator Obama, he said he was going to go after them and trying to fix things like this. Will he?
It's going to take a lot of time, it's going to take a lot of money, it's going to take a lot of commitment. Only time will tell to see if he's willing to throw all that at it. I'm not sure he is.
It's just kind of interesting how all these things happen to him, these scandals happen to him and he has never really seen them coming. Oh, yes, look what happened to us, look what happened to IRS, look what happened at Fast and Furious, Benghazi, all these things kind of bubble-up on him and then he scrambles to try and fix them.
It's a long haul. It's going to take a serious commitment on their part to change, a lot of money.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Andrea, I mean, when you think about this on Memorial Day, it's very sobering to think about all the veterans, those that have come before us to fight for our freedom. And there is a sadness when you think about -- the fact that we let them down, they faithfully earned their right to have excellent health care and medical service. They relied on us.
How can we do something to fix this and show that it means something?
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Well, you can't fix the V.A. No amount of money is going to fix the V.A.
As long there are no incentives, which there aren't no incentives, because it's government-run health care. Unfortunately, Kimberly, I hate to be so grim, you are going to hear more and more stories like this. That's sickened me.
I mean, listening to every veteran that's interviewed on FOX News, or go into Facebook, I've asked people to share their stories. You should see them flooding in.
It seems like until the veterans get sick, they are OK with the V.A. It's the same thing with free government health care. Everyone likes it until you get sick.
And so, I do believe they are going to throw more money at this problem, they continue to throw money at these problems, because the V.A. has been riddled with problems for a long time but that's not the issue. There's no amount of money that can fix this because you hear of secret waiting list. They are really not so secret.
When you have a system where you have all these people flooding in for free health care, the lines are going to be extremely long. And you can spend all the money you want, but they're just going to waste money and we're going to continue to hear problems like this.
It is sick, it's unfortunate, it's sad, but it's the reality what's coming on a much larger scale with ObamaCare.
GUILFOYLE: Now, Bob, she brings up a great point. People are saying, look, with ObamaCare, the general public, the rest of America is going to be looking at unfortunately a very similar situation, unless they can straighten out the problems with what we're seeing already with ObamaCare. It's more of the same like the veterans dying (ph) --
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, it's not. I mean, in this --
GUILFOYLE: Why not?
BECKEL: Well, because for 60 years, the Veterans Administration has been an organization that has been a government health care service for veterans. That's exactly right.
Now, you can throw that all out and decide you are going to give everybody vouchers. You're going to flood the hospital system with veterans. That's not going to work.
The question is, it's not just Obama. This has gone back from the beginning of time when this thing was formed. I've been hearing these excuses from the government, and they are so many -- it's unacceptable, I accept that they're unacceptable. But I don't put it all on Obama's plate and, frankly, the biggest problem is the flood of veterans coming in from Iraq and Afghanistan war have overwhelmed the system and the system can't handle it and throw some bad apples in the system (INAUDIBLE) to cover it up.
TANTAROS: Bad apples. The whole orchard is rotted.
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Well, here's the problem, so then American's want to say, well, you know what, what does the White House -- what does the president think about this? We know he's angry about it. And take a listen to this because there are other times he's been angry to and Jesse I get you to respond.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I don't want to quell anger. I think people are right to be angry. I'm angry.
Every day I see this leak continue, I'm angry and frustrated as well.
If it turns out that some of the allegations that have been made in the press are confirmed, then, of course, I'll be angry.
It's inexcusable and Americans are right to be angry about it and I am angry about it.
(END VIDEO CLIPS)
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, that's the president on several other occasions where he has expressed anger and outrage, not with respect to this situation. But what do you think? This is what we should be seeing here as well.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: He's always angry. It's kind of like the hashtag diplomacy situation where it's this emotional appeal. And he's totally disconnected from the problem.
It's kind of like Bill Clinton "I feel your pain" kind of move. You know, you kind of want to show empathy or whatever. It's also this community organizer deal that he likes to play. He's an outsider. But he's the president of the United States.
And he's this agitator like he's running against the man. But President Obama is the man. He's in total control. He appointed all these people. He appointed Sebelius, and Shinseki, and Van Jones, and all these guys that are running roughshod and creating all the scandals for him and he's acting like he's not in charge and he can't do anything about it.
I mean, if this was a CEO of a private company and you just said something is happening in the northwest branch, I'm really angry about it. I'll get to the bottom of it. Unacceptable.
GUILFOYLE: Is this an abdication of leadership?
BOLLING: Here's -- I think -- it isn't that it's all his fault, Bob. I agree with you. It's not all President Obama's fault. But when a president or senator says, who wants to become president, and says, I'm going to fix that when I get into office, he gets into office and says I'm going to fix that, and doesn't really do anything to fix the problem.
I think the hypocrisy is why we should be calling him out on that, because it really is a look inside here on President Obama. So, let's move the ball forward a little bit. What can we do to fix the V.A.? What is a good idea? Andrea says maybe privatize the whole thing, I'm not sure that it's --
TANTAROS: I didn't say that. I said maybe give these veterans that we've heard from, and recent stories, maybe get these select veteran who've been denied care, vouchers to go to local private hospitals.
BOLLING: The problem is there could be millions of them who have been pushed back or delayed.
TANTAROS: There could be, but let's start giving them vouchers ASAP.
BOLLING: Can I give you another option? Take one V.A. Just take one local V.A. and privatize that and see how that works.
GUILFOYLE: As a test case.
BOLLING: As a test case. Put all -- don't use any government employees, just put all brand new employees, brand new hospital administrators and whatnot, and see if that works. If it works, spread it out from there. And if it doesn't, then you say, you know what, then maybe we need to go back and do some of the things, fixing the current V.A. system.
GUILFOYLE: You like the idea?
WATTERS: I do like the idea, because to Eric's point earlier when he said the president promised he was going to transform the V.A. into a 21st century apparatus, right? What he did do was when he got reelected, he threw all this money and all this brain power and all this research at these brilliant minds in order to target these voters and get out the vote and it was the most complex and amazing thing anybody has ever seen but he didn't do anything to the V.A.
If they could take that bandwidth and throw that at the V.A., maybe fire some administrators, hire more doctors at the local level and see how it plays out, I think that might be historic.
BECKEL: That's not a fair thing to say. The waiting list and people who were trying to get benefits shrunk enormously under Obama, the time when (INAUDIBLE). It wasn't enough. And none of this, again, I go back to this. It's not excusable.
But if you take the idea of privatizing one of these things, these places are able to buy things for a lower price because there are 153 of them.
GUILFOYLE: But people are dying, Bob, but --
(CROSSTALK)
TANTAROS: So, that's a great example that you bring up, prescription drugs. The V.A. system negotiates its own prices for its prescription drugs. What happened? Our veterans who should have the best and high quality of prescription drugs don't get them, because they are limited to what the V.A. can offer.
So, they are doing it on the cheap. They are treating our veterans like they are in the bargain basement sale, Kimberly.
GUILFOYLE: And like a problem.
TANTAROS: If I could just finish?
GUILFOYLE: Yes
TANTAROS: The public option which we've debated here over and over, this is a perfect example of the public option. Even ObamaCare yet is not totally -- I mean, if the real lefties got their way, they would have had the public option.
But, you know, you look at how the ObamaCare plans are structured, they are government-mandated plans -- government-mandated, the requirements and the benefits. So, they basically are government plans.
GUILFOYLE: Bolling?
BOLLING: What's your problem with trying a one test case with privately administered health care system?
GUILFOYLE: What do you have to lose?
BOLLING: Hold on, because your push back is cost, really? Cost is your problem here? They are blowing through billions -- hundreds of billions of dollars.
BECKEL: I was pushing back I need to find a V.A. hospital for myself so that I can focus --
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: He's not doing well. He has ObamaCare.
BECKEL: I think the idea of privatizing the V.A. is like privatizing Medicare.
BOLLING: OK. You hear what I said, I said try one test case.
BECKEL: OK, fine.
BOLLING: If they become efficient, use whatever they find in the one private case.
BECKEL: I can degree with that, and I can agree with Andrea's idea about giving vouchers to people who are waiting, all right? I can buy into that and see what happens.
GUILFOYLE: Thank you, Bob.
All right. Bob showing maturity from the left.
WATTERS: Bob, you know where they are doing health care better, Gitmo terrorists are getting to see their doctors faster than the veterans who brought these guys to justice. That's the problem. That is the problem.
And if you can't accept, I don't know where you'd go --
BECKEL: Jesse, where in the Watters world did you come up with that?
WATTERS: This is Watters world right here.
GUILFOYLE: But he's accurate. That is actually true.
WATTERS: I mean, are you going to defend the V.A.? Are you going to defend the V.A.?
BECKEL: I'm going to defend certain parts of V.A.
Sure, there's some pretty dedicated doctors and nurses.
WATTERS: I'm not saying the doctors aren't dedicated. My grandfather was a doctor to the V.A. I'm not going to denigrate the service. What I'm saying is the whole system is corrupt and the president doesn't seem to care.
BECKEL: When you say the whole system is corrupt, that's a little bit of a --
TANTAROS: They also missed an opportunity. I mean, maybe if some of these veterans used to play in the NBA and they were coming out of the closet and I went to the V.A. because guess what America, I'm gay and I want a sex change operation, maybe the president would have commented with rapid speed?
I mean, I don't know. We've just seen this White House go into rapid response when it's an issue, a social issue or an issue that they feel passionate about that divides the country.
On one, we can unite the country between Republicans and Democrats, because it's our military, we hear crickets for the first how long and the first lady who is supposed to have military families as one of her main issues in addition to Let's Move, why don't we move on this one? Why don't we move when it comes to our veterans?
Here's the problem, it's the racial stuff and the sexuality stuff for one --
GUILFOYLE: Here's an issue, though. You got to find out and say to yourself, when is this administration finding out about these things? How are they learning that there are problems? Especially when they were given in their transition team detailed reports that there were huge gaps in care in this list that were going at the V.A.
Again, it did happen during Bush. It didn't all of a sudden happen during Obama, but he has been president now for quite some time.
Here's Jay Carney talking about how they learned about the V.A. scandal -- part of the problem, I think.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JAY CARNEY, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: We learned about them through the reports. I'll double check if that's not the case, but that's when we learned about them and that's when as I understand the Secretary Shinseki learned about them and immediately took the action that he has taken.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, Eric, why is it that they have to find out from reports? I mean, do your homework. Get in. Read the transition report.
BOLLING: Oh, come on. You don't really believe they found out by watching TV or reading "The New York Times."
GUILFOYLE: Oh, shock.
BOLLING: It's the same thing that plausible deniability that they love to do. They love to circle the wagons around President Obama. He gets to sit in the middle. If anything bad happens, he goes, well, he didn't know, we found out later, and we didn't know the scandals, things were blowing up, people were getting shot, people were getting snooped on, people are dying on waiting lists.
GUILFOYLE: But isn't that a core competency issue? Why aren't they finding out?
BECKEL: Wait a minute. Virtually, every scandal that happens in an administration, Teapot Dome scandal, the Watergate scandal that Capitol Hill, the check scandal, all of them was by exposed by the press.
BOLLING: Right. Except that this president said he was going to be the most transparent president of history.
BECKEL: Exposed by the press.
WATTERS: And he was warned in 2008, 2010 and 2013, about the V.A. issue. 2008 transition team, 2010, the internal memo with the V.A., 2013, the congressman sent him a letter.
BECKEL: And he -- that's right. And he --
WATTERS: And now, he's just finding out about it in "The Washington Post"?
BECKEL: No, I think what he's finding out is these waiting lists that had been hidden down in Phoenix --
BOLLING: People are dying.
WATTERS: People made him aware about it before. I'm not buying it, like Eric said, that he just found out.
BECKEL: You think that if the Phoenix television station hadn't unveiled that, people wouldn't have known that?
WATTERS: I think it's been known throughout the V.A. for many, many years.
BOLLING: There are documents produced that shows the Obama administration was warned about this, as Jesse points out --
BECKEL: These people were dying?
BOLLING: -- '08, 2010 and 2013.
BECKEL: Do you think they were told that there are people who --
BOLLING: No, that the system is broken and the waiting list are --
BECKEL: That's a corruption issue. What you are saying is they were told there was a bunch of corrupt people who were hiding veterans on lists, they're not --
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: They did nothing about it?
BOLLING: Do you have to defend him on every single thing even when it's a scandal like this? Can't you just once say you know what, they screw up?
BECKEL: I think I do that more than most people on my side of the aisle.
BOLLING: And do you not think they screwed up at the V.A.?
BECKEL: I think -- of course, they screwed up at the V.A. What I'm saying is I don't believe that somebody -- that Barack Obama knew that people were dying because they were put on a secret list.
(CROSSTALK)
TANTAROS: Then, you're arguing that this administration will not react until somebody dies. So, somebody has to die and a news reporter has to do a story on it in order for President Obama to do something about a problem. The reports about the long lines and the waiting lists and the sick -- that's not enough. We have to actually wait until there's a funeral for everyone to wake up --
GUILFOYLE: Because that's when the gig is up. Because that's when they have to have accountability, because now, it's out in the open, because the media are actually covering it and journalists are doing their jobs and that's how it works. Unfortunately, it should matter long before then.
Ahead, we're going to lighten things up a little bit. Are you going to like that? We're going to talk about how to survive those road trips this summer with family and friends. Now, millions of you are heading home from your destinations this holiday weekend. So, stick around for THE FIVE's road trip tips. That's next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: It's Memorial Day. Thirty-two million Americans were expected to hit the roads this weekend.
Road trips this summer are just getting started this summer. We've got some tips on how to survive those long ones with family and friends. Here are some from an etiquette expert.
Don't backseat drive. You know who you are. Backseat drivers are the absolute worse.
Don't skimp on snacks and drinks. Have plenty in the car.
Support your driver. Don't expect them to do all the driving. Share the duties.
Also, defer to them on temperature control. They will need to stay comfortable and alert on a long trip.
And this one is good, for the driver be courteous to your passengers, when someone needs to use the restroom, believe them.
All right. Bob, your thoughts on many others?
BECKEL: Yes, carry the shotgun with you. And then the other thing is I take a gas mask and I throw the gas back in the backseat of the car, and everybody go out and be asleep for the rest of the trip.
I used to do that when my kids were a lot younger. It drove me nuts. My old lady drove me nuts. It was the whole thing. So, my best answer to this is: hire a driver if you can afford it or take a train or fly.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Way to speak to the folks.
BECKEL: Shotguns for your wife. It drives you crazy, backseat driver.
GUILFOYLE: You want to gas the family too. That's really -- how charming. Please don't follow Bob's tip.
BECKEL: Don't ride with me on a vacation trip. I think that's the worst idea in the world.
BOLLING: K.G., sometimes your commutes out to the Hamptons are four or five hours.
GUILFOYLE: They are colorful, let me tell you. That's why you go to McDonald's and get a Happy Meal. And then you got to go back if you get the girl toy instead of the boy toy. So, those are some of the troubles that I face on a weekend.
But the other problem is the long trips to go to the bathroom. Now, I always now pack a little Poland Spring bottle.
BECKEL: It's disgusting. I make them go the bathroom --
BOLLING: In the car?
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: -- to pullover sometimes.
BECKEL: That's going to be a habit for the rest of his life, you know?
TANTAROS: You are not speaking from experience, I hope?
BECKEL: Well, but that's when I was drunk. That's a different story.
BOLLING: Do you have any tips?
TANTAROS: I do. Drive separately. Just get your own car and don't even bother with it.
Yes, three things, one, if you're going to stop for food, don't stop for Mexican. Number two, make sure the music is really good. Like don't let anybody hijack it. Like, listen, Pearl Jam live, the unreleased album that nobody knows the words to.
Or two words for everybody driving: ear buds. That's it.
GUILFOYLE: What about the fun road trips we've had and we get a driver and you can always snack and dance in the back.
WATTERS: Living high off the hog, drivers and everything like it.
I got a few tips myself here, because I hate traffic. Listen, speed, OK? You don't have to go 55. You can go 65, 70. Let's go, guys.
Also, easy pass. It's 2014. Get the easy pass, all right? Get a GPS. Let's not get lost. Don't miss around with the map. No sexting, no texting, no Instagraming. None of that.
GUILFOYLE: What does Anthony Weiner do then?
WATTERS: No idea, no idea. And use the HOV lane, OK? Pick up a hitch hiker if you have to do that. The big proponent of the HOV lane.
GUILFOYLE: The worst tip.
WATTERS: I love it. You've got Limbaugh from noon to 3:00. Beckel, OK, in case you are wondering.
BECKEL: It's exactly what I don't want to get on the road.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: By the way, you said your wife is not a bad person out of the car with you. Does she nag you that much?
WATTERS: Not at all, Bob. When she's with me on the car, she falls asleep, so I'm alone with my thoughts for like three hours. It's a scary place.
GUILFOYLE: Across the nation.
BECKEL: Jesse, there's probably a lot of people who do that.
(LAUGHTER)
BOLLING: I have two tips. This is a public service, if you are a slow-moving driver, if you want to do 55, don't do 55 in the left lane. Do it in the middle lane or the right lane and most people -- do you notice how many people -- traffic gets backed up.
And other one think ahead. This is a true story. When my wife was just my girlfriend, our trip away was a road trip. We drove up to Wyndham, New York. It was winter. It was 7 degrees.
By the time we got up to the top of the mountain, it was minus 7 degrees. On the way, she said, I have to go to the bathroom. I'm like, I'm very close. We have a couple more miles and I thought I knew where I was going, we kind of get lost a little bit.
An hour later, we get there, and the toilets were frozen. She hated me.
WATTERS: You needed the Poland Spring bottle. There you go.
GUILFOYLE: You got to bring the bottle. Bathroom in the bottle.
WATTERS: And she still stuck with you.
BOLLING: And we're still married.
BECKEL: Why did you go someplace where the toilets were frozen?
BOLLING: It was a ski resort.
BECKEL: A ski resort with frozen toilets.
BOLLING: I didn't think the toilets would be frozen. They were cold. Very cold.
BECKEL: That must have been disgusting.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: We turn the heat on the apartment and they unfreeze.
Lots more to come on "The Five", including some of the craziest laws in the country. It's illegal to have weeds in your yard in one state, interesting state as well. We'll tell you where. Jesse has a whole list of loopy laws coming up.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
SHANNON BREAM, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I'm Shannon Bream in Washington.
Here's what's happening right now.
Nigeria's defense chief says that country's military has located nearly 300 school girls kidnapped by Islamic extremists. But he said he cannot use force to free them.
Back here, Memorial Day is marked across the country by parade and ceremonies, none more solemn that the president's laying of a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown in Arlington National Cemetery.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Everything that we hold precious in this country was made possible by Americans who give their all. And because of them, our nation is stronger, safer, and will always remain a shining beacon of freedom for the rest of world.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Embattled Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric Shinseki attended the memorial at Arlington. President Obama did not mention him by name but did say the country must give veterans the care they need.
Now back to New York and "The Five."
WATTERS: In case you need a good laugh this Memorial Day, we've got something that might do the trick. It's a list of some of the stupidest laws around the country. These are local laws. Not state laws. Let's run down some of my favorites.
In Delaware, it's illegal to wear pants that are, quote, "form fitting" around the waist. In Rhode Island it's illegal to wear transparent clothing, and in Texas, it's illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Thanks to photographer Olivia Locker (ph) for sharing some of these pictures she took with us.
OK, so let's start with Delaware. Illegal to wear pants that are form fitting around the waist, Kimberly. Going to have to cancel your trip there immediately.
GUILFOYLE: Immediately.
WATTERS: Is this legal to do that?
GUILFOYLE: I mean, this is barely legal, baby. Let me tell you. I mean, who makes up these laws? Like I should be making up some awesome laws. These aren't that good because there are things that need to be illegal, for sure.
WATTERS: Right.
GUILFOYLE: Do not get me started. I don't understand transparent. The bad haircut thing I'm down with.
BECKEL: Well, the thing is that there are so few women who can wear form-fitting skirts and shorts that you shouldn't take them off the streets, the ones that can, because a lot of them are just flat-out, ain't nothing to good look at. Now, the other thing...
WATTERS: Bob, you're going to go down to Delaware.
BECKEL: ... about transparency, what you going to do about strip clubs?
WATTERS: What do you do?
BECKEL: I don't know. Does that mean you can't go to a strip club in Rhode Island?
BOLLING: In public.
TANTAROS: I don't know. How do you report this?
WATTERS: No, I think it's -- I think it's transparent clothing. So you can be nude. OK, if it's like a nude beach or a strip club. But you can't wear transparent clothing.
BECKEL: Why?
WATTERS: I don't know. I didn't make the rule why.
BECKEL: Ridiculous.
BOLLING: Let me go out on a limb, and I think you guys are misreading the law. I think it's in public. You can't wear...
GUILFOYLE: Bob, your transparent cat suit that you wear on Friday nights is still OK.
BECKEL: No, no. Really.
GUILFOYLE: It's not illegal.
BOLLING: Your disco duds (ph). He was a disco champion.
GUILFOYLE: I thought you were a roller skating...
BECKEL: No, no, no, no, no. Disco on Staten Island. One of the toughest competitions in the world.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
BECKEL: I would pay big money if anyone ever has known Bob in his disco era for a picture. Big money.
TANTAROS: If you have -- if you have a picture. And you were on "FOX & Friends" years ago and put the picture on the air.
GUILFOYLE: Can you find that photo?
TANTAROS: Somebody get that.
BOLLING: I will pay for that picture.
TANTAROS: Can I...?
WATTERS: Yes, go ahead.
TANTAROS: Because a lot of these laws happen because lobbyists push for them.
WATTERS: Right.
TANTAROS: But I'm wondering who pushed in California saying that you can't ride a bicycle in a swimming pool? Or Alabama, I guess, I can't go to Alabama. It's unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp high heels.
WATTERS: Obviously, a man hit by a pump in the face.
GUILFOYLE: Oooh, I'm illegal, baby.
BECKEL: That's to keep -- that's to keep the hookers off the street.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh.
WATTERS: All right, Bob. Now also in Colorado, illegal to have weeds in your yard.
BECKEL: No more. No more. That law is outdated.
WATTERS: Everybody in Denver who's watching is going, "Wait, what? What?
BECKEL: You can have weed all over your driveway.
GUILFOYLE: You can have weed, not you can't buy an "S." No "S" on the end, plural.
WATTERS: Got it. Got it.
And then in Texas, I guess Bolling, you can't have an unusual haircut if you're a kid. Now let's see the picture of this kid with the haircut. Now, if he's in Texas, looking like Lady Gaga like that, I think he needs all the protection he can get.
BOLLING: Who determines what's unusual?
WATTERS: Fashion police?
BOLLING: All business up front and...
WATTERS: Party in the back.
BOLLING: ... party in the back.
BECKEL: Tell you what.
TANTAROS: I love this one. In New Jersey, it has a Foster Kindness Month.
WATTERS: Right.
TANTAROS: It's the month of May.
WATTERS: That's right.
TANTAROS: This month. And the rest of the months -- of the year...
WATTERS: Everybody -- everybody hates each other.
BECKEL: Texas, where men are men and cheaper are afraid (ph).
WATTERS: OK, Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Bob's on that all night.
WATTERS: Moving on, are people who talk to themselves nuts?
GUILFOYLE: Edit.
WATTERS: Stop it. Andrea went out to find some of them.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: Do you talk to yourself?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I do.
TANTAROS: How frequently would you say?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Every other day. I say, "Here fishy, fishy. Let's catch fish."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Here, fishy, fishy. Are you one of them? We'll talk to some of those people next on "The Five."
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
TANTAROS: Well, do you ever talk to yourself? I am very guilty of it, and I'll bet my co-hosts are, too. They'll tell you in a minute. If so, you are not alone. I just found lots of folks in New York City who fessed up to chatting it up solo. Take a look.
(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)
TANTAROS: I'm going to the dry cleaner. Does talking to yourself mean that you're crazy? I hope not.
Do you talk to yourself?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I do.
TANTAROS: How frequently would you say?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Every other day. I say, "Here fishy, fishy. Let's catch fish."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I often speak to myself in the shower. So normally I'm, like, making plans for the day.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Absolutely. I get the answers I want when I speak to myself.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I talk to myself a fair amount. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.
TANTAROS: Do you answer yourself?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, I do.
TANTAROS: Out loud?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Very loud.
Tantaros: Do you talk to yourself?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Occasionally.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Anything that I want to hear that I would not hear from my husband, I answer for myself.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I talk to myself all the time.
TANTAROS: What do you talk to yourself about?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything. Full-blown conversations. It's not even a lie.
(END VIDEOTAPE)
TANTAROS: Me too. I walk around the building, and I have conversations with myself, on the way home, in my apartment. I'll walk around and I'll say, "Where did I put that pen I was going to use? And what am I going to have for lunch today?" Do you do the same thing?
WATTERS: That's embarrassing to admit that. I don't know. I think we might need to stage an intervention or something like that over here.
TANTAROS: There's no fixing it.
WATTERS: At first when you told me you talked to yourself, I was reminded of that Stewart Smalley bit where he's staring in the mirror...
TANTAROS: Yes.
WATTERS: ... "I'm good. People like me, doggone it."
TANTAROS: Affirmations.
GUILFOYLE: You do that, Jesse?
WATTERS: Every day before I come to work. Affirmations.
TANTAROS: I don't do that.
WATTERS: I mean, I do when I play golf.
BOLLING: Where did you learn that?
GUILFOYLE: He does it before he comes on "The Five" to be with you and Bob.
WATTERS: That's right, that's right. "Kill them tonight." You know when you play golf, you -- "Come on, Watters, you swing like a girl"? You yell at yourself like that.
BOLLING: Yes, that's acceptable.
WATTERS: I mean, that's OK.
BOLLING: On a sporting -- on a field, on a baseball field, football field, golf course, you're allowed to kick your own butt.
WATTERS: Yes.
TANTAROS: You don't talk to yourself, Eric?
BOLLING: During the day, like this? Once in a while, I'll blurt something out, like, "What was he thinking?" Or "Why did I say that?" And I'll be like pretending I'm, like, talking to someone on my phone.
TANTAROS: OK. Sometimes I notice you'll say, "What?" because you'll miss what I say. It seems like you do a lot of internal thinking.
BOLLING: yes. There's a lot going on up there.
TANTAROS: OK. Bob, do you talk to yourself?
BECKEL: ... behind enemy lines. What, do I talk to myself? Yes, whenever I talk to conservatives I'm talking to myself, because I don't really pay any attention what they're saying.
WATTERS: I can tell.
BECKEL: I just get out what I -- I talk to myself. Well, when I was drinking a lot, I used to talk to myself a whole lot.
TANTAROS: Did you answer yourself, too?
WATTERS: I couldn't remember what I said.
GUILFOYLE: That's called delirium tremens.
BECKEL: It is called that.
I had -- I used to talk to myself on dates; I didn't like the dates so I'd talk to myself. It was a more interesting conversation.
GUILFOYLE: Wow. Well, I can't relate to that.
TANTAROS: You talk to yourself?
GUILFOYLE: I do talk to myself. And I'm like, "Yes."
TANTAROS: What do you say?
GUILFOYLE: "Awesome."
TANTAROS: You say, "I'm awesome"?
GUILFOYLE: Yes. I think it's important to build yourself up. There's a lot of people chipping away at you out there. But in a nice way.
Or I say to myself, actually, "What would my dad say to me about this?" And then so I, like, say it out loud or think about it. It's motivational.
TANTAROS: You know who talks to himself a lot? Greg Gutfeld. He sings to himself. He'll sing. He'll say, "What am I going to eat tonight for dinner?" during commercial breaks. Little "Five" secrets revealed.
BOLLING: Yes.
WATTERS: I'm just scared of picturing Beckel saying things that he's thinking out loud when he's walking around. I mean, that would be scary.
BECKEL: It is scary. It is scary. If I was going to say what I was thinking right now, it would be really scary. Watters, I'll let it go.
WATTERS: OK.
BECKEL: It's nice to be here on the show today on Memorial Day...
TANTAROS: That's good. Let's end on a positive note.
BECKEL: ... to come in and as you said you wanted to get away from your wife anyway. So...
WATTERS: Oh, God. This has become a thing now.
BECKEL: I told you.
WATTERS: You're not going to survive in the commercial break.
BECKEL: You opened it up, buddy.
WATTERS: I got Beckeled twice.
BECKEL: He got Beckeled twice. There you go.
WATTERS: OK.
BECKEL: He's a very nice guy.
TANTAROS: All right, Bob.
WATTERS: Save me. You're going to cut him off while he was saving me right there?
TANTAROS: What's your line about the shovel?
Up next, can you still make a good living in America without a college degree? Well, Bob's got a list of some jobs that only require a high- school diploma that pay pretty well. And they're hiring. Stay tuned.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BECKEL: Welcome back to our Memorial Day special. A lot of college grads just got their diplomas, but now the important thing is how do you get a job? In the real world, that's very tough. The Bureau of Labor Statistics now has a list of 25 occupations which only require a high- school diploma. Here are five. Purchasing agents made an average of $60,000 in 2012. Power line installers didn't do too shabby, either, along with cops, building inspectors and property managers, all making more than 50 grand. And the executive producer of "The Five," for example, who does exceedingly well and never got out of the eighth grade.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. Terrible.
BECKEL: Now, I think there's a lot to be said about this, because the amount of student debt that you have, if you -- probably you can put an airline mechanic on there. But there's a lot of jobs you can get out there, right?
BOLLING: There are a ton of jobs that pay extremely well that you don't need a college education for. And there are other jobs -- you can go out of high school, go to trade schools, and there are electricians, plumbers make insane amount of money. If you think they don't, try and hire a plumber. Sometimes it's upwards of $80, $100 an hour. But those are professions and trades that frankly America needs. And, you know, spending four years in college and racking up $100,000, $200,000 in debt ain't going to help you much in those.
BECKEL: I'm for the trades like that. What, you make $100 an hour? A hundred, two hundred dollars an hour?
BOLLING: Yes.
WATTERS: Are you thinking about changing professions right now?
BECKEL: No.
GUILFOYLE: Don't think it.
BOLLING: I don't think you're the right flavor for that, Bob.
WATTERS: Bob, you know what you can do? I'm not saying don't go to college. I think you should go to college here. But if you go to the oil and gas areas up in the Dakotas, you can make $90,000 a year, with no college, no high school diploma. OK? I mean, they're begging for people to come out there. So, you know, if I was a young kid out of school, I'd go out there with some of my friends and I'd make a fortune.
BECKEL: You would live out there?
WATTERS: No?
BECKEL: You wouldn't make it. But you could go out on gas rigs in the Gulf, and you can make more money than that.
GUILFOYLE: I like his idea. I mean, the point is, you've got to think of yourself in a versatile way. You've got to be recession-proof. I'm sure there's something else you could do, Bob.
BECKEL: I have a couple ideas what you could do.
GUILFOYLE: So could I. You open for the management position?
BECKEL: Management, a.k.a. -- never mind.
WATTERS: A.k.a. never mind.
BECKEL: Andrea, you were a waitress, and you made a fortune doing that. You didn't have a college degree at that point?
TANTAROS: I love it. When I was in a teen years, not as a got older, and I think it's a good transitional career to have. Look, it paid a lot of bills in college when I was going through school.
But you know, I think a lot of people think that they have to go to college. And colleges convince them that if they don't have a four-year degree, and if they don't get educated on the history of bubbles or whatever garbage they're teaching in college, that they're not going to make anything of themselves. And that's not necessarily true.
I mean, college has become one of the biggest stick-ups...
GUILFOYLE: Yes.
TANTAROS: ... literally stick-ups to parents. And parents feel like they have to pay these exorbitant tuition rates, when there are plenty of technical schools; also two-year nursing degrees. A lot of people are going back to school to become nurses, because there is a doctor shortage. A lot of nurse practitioners. You do have to go to school for.
But you know, not everybody should feel the pressure if it's not for them to go to school. You can go to technical schools. There's a ton of other options.
GUILFOYLE: Vocational schools.
TANTAROS: Guidance counsellors when I was in school, never really gave kids, maybe, these specific items.
BECKEL: They teach bubbles, Jess, at your school?
WATTERS: I was a women's studies major.
BECKEL: Really?
WATTERS: No.
GUILFOYLE: Obviously not.
WATTERS: I was a history major.
BECKEL: That's not what you told me. When did you get married?
WATTERS: When did I get married?
BECKEL: Yes. Right out of college?
WATTERS: No, no, I was single for a little while. You know what I did out of college? I was a bellman at a hotel. OK? So I was hustling for tips.
One of my main things was I'd go -- when an attractive woman gets out of a car, I grab her bags. I'd bring the bags up to the door of the hotel room. She'd put them in there. And then I'd stand at the doorway, and she'd hand me my tip. And I'd go, "Is there anything else?"
TANTAROS: Yes.
WATTERS: And she'd never say anything. "No, that's it. Get out of here." But I learned a lot being a bellman. You learn how to serve people. You learn how to drive people's cars.
TANTAROS: Did you wear a hat?
WATTERS: Yes, I had the whole stupid uniform. It was totally embarrassing.
TANTAROS: So never once -- no woman ever said, "In fact, there is something else?"
WATTERS: No. I do not have a sexy story to share with you on "The Five" today.
TANTAROS: Well, that was a bit of a let-down.
WATTERS: Sorry. Family show.
BECKEL: You were leading up to it. "One More Thing" is up next.
TANTAROS: Jesus (ph).
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUILFOYLE: All right. It's time now for "One More Thing," a special "One More Thing" for Memorial Day. And I'd like to share with you Corporal William Kyle Carpenter, who will be receiving the Medal of Honor next month. He and his family will be traveling to meet the president of the United States. He will be the 8th living recipient to receive this highly esteemed honor for his services as a U.S. Marine in southern Afghanistan. So we want to commend him for his service and the sacrifice, of course, that his family has made while he is serving our great country.
All right.
TANTAROS: Very nice.
GUILFOYLE: Andrea.
TANTAROS: Well, this isn't exactly Memorial Day-related. But it is related to you, Bob.
BECKEL: Uh-oh.
TANTAROS: Let's hope that you never have to go to Brighton, Michigan.
BECKEL: Why?
TANTAROS: Because now, if you swear in Brighton, Michigan, the fine is $200. They have said that anybody caught with a foul mouth, you will get a ticket.
BECKEL: I couldn't afford it. I couldn't afford it.
You get a ticket for swearing?
TANTAROS: Yes, it's true.
BECKEL: What are those idiots are thinking of?
TANTAROS: This gentleman, Colin Anderson, says that he was -- a friend of his was skateboarding, and he just cursed and he got a ticket.
GUILFOYLE: Imagine that in New York City.
BECKEL: Well, yes. What if you smash your skateboard? What are you going to say? Are you going to say, "Ooh." No, you're going to go, "Sh..."
GUILFOYLE: Ooh.
TANTAROS: You could solve our budget problems, if they -- actually, if they just fined you for swearing, Bob, we could solve all of New York City's budgetary problems.
BECKEL: Yes, that's true -- probably true. Probably true.
GUILFOYLE: I know. The swears are heavy these days.
OK. We're got Eric Bolling is up next.
BOLLING: You've been very good about that lately.
BECKEL: What's that, swearing? Yes, I have been. Yes, they accused me of it yesterday, but it wasn't true.
BOLLING: Yes, yes. The other day.
OK. So you know I love -- We love the music on "The Five." They'll play a lot of Stones, some Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Crowes, some grunge rockers, but one of my favorite bands of all time, Tom Petty, the Heartbreakers, by the way, just announced a new tour. They're kicking it off August 3 in San Diego. That will run through October 10, ending in Los Angeles. Just check out the Internet, find out where to go.
TANTAROS: You know who else is touring?
BOLLING: Who?
TANTAROS: Motley Crue is touring and Fleetwood Mac this summer.
GUILFOYLE: Andrea, you're going to be there.
TANTAROS: Yes.
BOLLING: I was never a Fleetwood Mac lover.
TANTAROS: What?
BOLLING: Stevie Nicks, I just never got that one. The Beatles and Fleetwood Mac, I mean, people hate...
BECKEL: How about those Dixie Cups? The Dixie Cups are touring.
TANTAROS: Dixie Cup?
GUILFOYLE: Dixie Chicks.
BECKEL: No, Dixie Cups.
WATTERS: OK.
GUILFOYLE: Talking about something else. What is going on around here? OK. Let me tell you something. And Bob, with that, this is your moment.
BECKEL: With the Dixie Cups? Actually, this is directly related to Memorial Day. I would urge all of you who are out there drinking and having a good time, please don't drive. A lot of people do that on Memorial Day and end up dead, and I don't want to see that happen to any of you out there.
I also want to apologize for my cold and interrupting most of the show with it. But you really have to be very careful. You can get somebody else to drive. You don't have to drive if you're drinking. Somebody can take the car and drive it for you.
WATTERS: That's a very good...
GUILFOYLE: That's a very important point.
TANTAROS: I always said if you want to make some extra money during holidays, be the designated driver. Have your friends give you 20 bucks. Make a little money on the side. And drive everyone home.
GUILFOYLE: It is really important, because there's so many unnecessary fatalities of people getting behind the wheel. You have family and friends, and think about treasuring them and being there to see them the next morning -- Jesse.
WATTERS: OK. So a lot of people taking selfies on Memorial Day. All the rage these days. I think there's a lot of variations of the selfie now. We have a few we'd like to share with you guys today.
This is the felfie. OK. This is the farmer selfie. OK.
And next, we have the shelfie. OK. This is for the snobs. Show you all their leather-bound book titles.
And then finally, we have Bob's personal favorite, the belfie.
TANTAROS: Wow.
WATTERS: That is the butt selfie.
BECKEL: I think that...
TANTAROS: Does Bill O'Reilly take shelfies of his books?
GUILFOYLE: Kind of an interesting position there. For those of you at home, be careful if you assume that position.
That's it for us. We want to thank all of our service members and veterans today. We hope you all had a great holiday.
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