Biden reverses many of Trump’s actions on day one
Gutfeld discusses President Biden's day one policies
This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show" January 23, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes.
What can you say? What can you say? All right, big news this week. The oldest dinosaur anus ever discovered was found in China this week. It's so well preserved, you can actually compare its anatomical differences to other animal orifices.
It's roughly 100 million years old. Do we have a picture? Oh, stop it. That's not the picture.
No, no, no, no, that's not the picture either. What are you doing? You trying to get me fired?
Look, I know there are dinosaur anuses all over D.C., but don't you know you're only supposed to ridicule Trump, especially now that the Dems are in charge. We're supposed to be unified now, conjoined at the head.
I apologize. Trump is crazy. The others are heroes, if just for one day, which reminds me, it is time for --
ANNOUNCER: Amalgamated lockstep corporate press 2021. Now with 40 percent more loving.
GUTFELD: Yes, they're here, fearless and speaking truth to power. Did you see how they objectively covered the greatest Inauguration in history?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC ANCHOR: He gave the kind of Inaugural Address our Presidents used to give, as hopeful as the man delivering it.
JAKE TAPPER, CNN ANCHOR: We saw the steely determination and compassion of President Joe Biden.
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: A new day dawning in America. Yes, we have a new President, Joseph R. Biden.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I've never seen so many people simultaneously sprint to third base. No spin the bottle or light petting there. The best moment from the Cartoon Network.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DAVID CHALIAN, CNN POLITICAL DIRECTOR: Those lights that are -- that are just shooting out from the Lincoln Memorial along the reflecting pool. I look -- it's like almost extensions of Joe Biden's arms embracing America.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What is he implying here that Joe is going to try to grope everybody with his super mega arms like a geriatric Slender Man? Yes, he's going to unify the country by grabbing their collective butts. Suddenly, we're all Tara Reade.
So "hooray" for regime change. The media loves it, but only if it goes one way. Theirs, and it's all pointing to Joe Biden, our new incredible, charismatic, forceful leader. Watch this and try not to stifle your tears of joy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Some of the Executive Actions I am going to be signing today are going to help change the course of the COVID crisis, and we're going to combat climate change in a way that we haven't done so far and advance racial equity and support other underserved communities.
I think some of the things we're going to be doing are going to be -- are bold and vital.
And the first order I'm going to be signing here is -- relates to COVID.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What the hell was that? I felt like I was watching Grandpa Al from the "Munsters" signing autographs at Comic Con. So how is that normal? It's not.
Meanwhile, remember how all those non-medical experts in the press easily diagnosed Trump as a sociopath. Now, they remain silent about what they just saw there. A confused vessel who isn't even sure he's signing an order or reading the early bird menu at Denny's.
I bet our global adversaries are quaking. We just elected sloths from the movie "Seven". I like that joke. You think China isn't doing backflips right now? Yes, the biggest threat to their global dominance Trump has been replaced by a fanny packing mall walker.
Trump saw China correctly as an existential foe. Biden sees China as the origin of his best ethnic impressions. But if you can't beat him, join him. So here's our contribution to the Biden love.
ANNOUNCER: THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW presents President Biden, the first 100 seconds.
GUTFELD: So many achievements inside only two minutes. So far, President Trump has all -- President Biden has already adjusted his mask, a symbolic gesture, reminding us of our patriotic duties, and also a great movie starring Cher.
Walking. Finally, we have a president who can walk. Am I right? Just the gait itself gave us chills. I would describe it as Christ-like, if it were a lake beneath him, it would have been
He nodded. Not sure to who, but CNN says it might be the most forceful nod ever to come from a President. I think I can hear Van Jones crying.
A powerful stomach gurgle. I might just weep myself. I never heard his stomach sound more empathetic. I think it said, "Don't just feed me. Let's feed everyone."
And that's our --
ANNOUNCER: THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW presents President Biden the first 100 seconds.
GUTFELD: Of course, as the media lube up over Joe, they up chuck on Trump.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DANA BASH, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: For 81 million Americans, their long national nightmare is over.
JIM ACOSTA, CNN CHIEF DOMESTIC CORRESPONDENT: He is almost leaving town like an autocrat ousted from power heading off into exile.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He is angry. He is sullen. He is sulking. As I said before he's trying to blame other people.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You think that he couldn't get any more disgraceful? Well just give him a few hours.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He looks small. He just looks like a small man.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh my God. So much emotional investment from objective news folk. I guess hell hath no fury like a media scorned. I'm waiting for the shrink to appear and ask them to point to the place on the doll where Trump hurt them.
But how different is their 2021 response to Trump than their 2017's? Let's go back.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GLORIA BORGER, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL ANALYST: I couldn't help but thinking about the President sitting there when he talked about the American carnage that they had presided over. I'm not quite sure that that have gone over well with them.
And I was also surprised that in some way, he did not pay some tribute to Hillary Clinton.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Trump ordered the head of the Park Service to come up with more photos of the crowd from his Inauguration. The post says more photos were produced, but they didn't show larger crowds than Obama's 2009 Inauguration.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You can basically interchange those moments. They're more predictable than the runs you get after eating an Ex-Lax burrito. But at least they grilled the new Press Secretary.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I'd love to take your questions, Zeke. Why don't you kick us off?
QUESTION: Thanks, Jen. First off, congratulations. And one question about your role, you touched on this a little bit of a topic. When you are up there, do you see yourself, your primary role as promoting the interests of the President? Are you there to provide us the unvarnished truth so that we can share that with the United States?
QUESTION: On a lighter note, will he keep Donald Trump's Air Force One color scheme change?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's going to leave a scar. Meanwhile, what are the edgy late nighters up to?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEPHEN COLBERT, TALK SHOW HOST: You did it. You survived the last four years and your reward, a shiny new old President.
TREVOR NOAH, COMEDIAN: Today, the sun was shining. The birds were singing and McDonald's share price in Florida just went way up. Because America just got a brand new dad.
JIMMY KIMMEL, TALK SHOW HOST: Joseph Rapunzel Biden is our 46th President. It feels like I have to imagine this is what it feels like when the oncologist calls and tells you the tumor is benign.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, see, scoring a political win is the same as not getting cancer. I haven't seen this many people happily soaking their shorts since trampoline day at bed wetter's camp.
So this is going to be the next four years, friends. The idea of unity is real. But it's a unification like a Korean church. It worships Biden and the media. They're all one and the same and they hate you and they hate me. So we're in this thing together. That's unity, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He hates cardio, but loves to run his mouth. "FOX and Friends" cohost and host of "The Brian Kilmeade Show" on FOX News Radio, Brian Kilmeade.
BRIAN KILMEADE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Way to win me over.
GUTFELD: Yes. She gets carded when buying root beer. My co-host on "The Five" and co-anchor of "America's Newsroom," Dana Perino.
DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Hello.
GUTFELD: She's spunky, funky and sometimes grumpy and she's back. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf.
And he fears chandelier. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus.
All right. I'm so excited to be here even with Kilmeade -- congrats, on almost having a new show.
KILMEADE: Is that my first question?
GUTFELD: No, your first question is nobody likes you. It must be hard to see Joe Biden so beloved by the press when you are so reviled by the media. Care to respond?
KILMEADE: Nope. Absolutely not. It's been a very interesting week. Probably the most interesting week ever.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: Because so much has taken place. Yet, we don't go to it. Usually, we go to these places.
GUTFELD: Right.
KILMEADE: Where they are going to run up big bills and somehow say it is work related. That's what I enjoy doing on Inauguration week. But we all watched from afar and watched other people record the changing of a Guard.
Wow. A press refuses to let go of the President.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: President Trump, they're still talking about President Trump.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: They're still talking about impeachment along with everything else.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank God, I haven't done that, Dana. I have let it all go. I've let it all go.
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: It is amazing that Joe would solve so many problems in the first week. I have to commend him.
PERINO: I mean, you thought he was slow.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I mean, it is like, full steam ahead. I do think it's interesting they've signed 25 Executive Orders in 48 hours. So if I do the math, carry the one, this is really the Obama third term.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: The reason they were able to do that is they knew exactly what they wanted to do. But this is also the problem with doing government by Executive Order. So Obama did a bunch of Executive Orders, Trump undid them with a stroke of a pen, and now, Biden is doing the same.
But he has got a few steps further, and I'm sure you'll talk about all of these issues, but the one that surprised me the most was canceling the XL Pipeline. This was the guy that was going to come back for jobs, and instead he fired all the union jobs.
You remember President Trump at the end of the campaign, he was in Pennsylvania, and he said, mark my words, if Joe Biden wins, he's coming after your jobs in the energy sector. It didn't work out for him, but he was right.
GUTFELD: You're going to have to come up with some new talking points in the C-block because it's about that.
KILMEADE: Oh, no.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: Maybe, do you have a band? Play music.
PERINO: I did a lot of TV this week. A lot.
GUTFELD: Okay, so Kat, welcome back, by the way.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Good to see you. I find this interesting. You don't have to answer this question, but this is just a comment. That Biden's like polling numbers are actually lower than Trump's.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: But even with this overheated press, that's strange to me. But anyway --
TIMPF: Yes, I've decided I would love to be a Democratic President.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Because I sometimes struggle with, you know, self-esteem. And I feel like the media would take care of that for me. I'd be on the cover of magazines, and be like, she's wearing sneakers. She's so brave.
I was bothered, though, a little bit by some of those questions and the Press Secretary is sort of saying, yes, we're all in this together. We're all united.
It's not supposed to be like that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: The way this whole country was set up was that the press is supposed to be a check on government power. That's the main reason for the First Amendment. So certainly, that bothers me and makes me concerned.
I love when the media is tough on anyone, regardless of political party that isn't power over me.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
TIMPF: They are doing what they are supposed to do.
GUTFELD: I agree. It should be non-partisan. Right. You know, Tyrus, I hope you enjoyed my "Seven" reference.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, I did. I did. We've established that because I did a podcast.
GUTFELD: Even Dana has seen that.
KILMEADE: Sorry.
MURDOCH: It's all good. I forgive you. First of all, thank you so much, Greg, and Kat for joining us this week on THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. I apparently missed it last week. But I ended up fine. I am good.
But other than that, the one thing that I've learned through these last couple of days is we only want unity until we have the advantage.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: So it was unity, unity, unity. And now we're in the House and it's literally attack, attack, attack. So we didn't learn anything from -- and you brought it up before. Every time a President comes in, Executive Order, Executive Order, and what does that do? It lights the fuse for more division, so -- and show everybody how we've learned from our mistakes, now we're going to bring the country together.
We're going to go full regalia and what? He did 17. We're going to do 25 and we're going to continue to trash him on the news, and we're going to continue to make fun of people that supported him. And we're going to continue to do these things because we're in power now.
We will worry about unity in another two years, and that's going to go over real well. So I've seen this TV show before. We're just going to watch reruns. We're going to watch a lot of reruns, except the fun part is when the Democratic Party implodes, because Republicans we don't do that, we stick together and argue behind closed doors.
Democrats are going to put as you can see all their emotional laundry out for all of us to see, progressives and moderates and the socialists. It is going to be fun.
GUTFELD: It is going to be fun.
TIMPF: I hate it when people put their emotional laundry out.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: You know, keep them --
GUTFELD: You guys get a washer and dryer. I don't know why you have to put your laundry out anywhere except for Brian's.
Anyway, up next, Trump supporters, bad; Antifa, whatever.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: They're focused on the right, but ignoring Antifa's blight. This was Inauguration Day in Portland, Oregon, where left-wing rioters damaged in I.C.E. facility. That's where they make ice, Brian.
KILMEADE: I know.
GUTFELD: And broke windows at the state's Democratic headquarters. This was Inauguration Day in Seattle where protesters vandalized buildings, damaged a courthouse, smashed store windows. All this goes ignored and is therefore allowed by the left.
But a Trump supporter is something to watch out for, according to former C.I.A. chief, John Brennan.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOHN BRENNAN, FORMER C.I.A. DIRECTOR: So I know looking forward that the members of the Biden team who have been nominated or have been appointed are now moving in laser like fashion to try to uncover as much as they can about what looks very similar to insurgency movements that we've seen overseas, where they germinate in different parts of the country and they gain strength and it brings together an unholy alliance frequently of religious extremists, authoritarians, fascists, bigots, racists, Nativists, even libertarians.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Even libertarians. Dangerous monsters. Wait, I see one coming at me and she wants to talk about the gold standard. Fascist. She has got a copy of Atlas Shrugged, run. Yes, it's Trump's supporters. They're the bad ones. They're the ones who need deprogramming.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KATIE COURIC, AMERICAN TELEVISION JOURNALIST: And the question is, how are we going to really almost deprogram these people who have signed up for the cult of Trump?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Ah, she's just jealous. No cult of Katie. So Antifa, nothing; cult of Trump, lock your doors. I wonder, can CNN get a cult expert to talk about this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
STEVE HASSAN, DIRECTOR, FREEDOM OF MIND RESOURCE CENTER: They were deceptively recruited by an authoritarian political cult. The bottom line is all of America needs deprogramming because we've all been negatively influenced by Donald Trump.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: He appears healthy. Ironically, when I think of de-programming, I do think of CNN. A little pun there. And the censorship could be spreading to books, too.
An open letter signed by 500 literary types titled, "No book deals for traitors" -- that's clever -- demands that publishers not sign Trump or anyone in his administration to write their story.
I don't know where all this censorship and cancellation is going. As long as they don't ban my favorite internet video, two dogs and one cake.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Interesting. All right, Kat. You're the resident libertarian here. Were you offended by John Brennan or kind of touched?
TIMPF: It was -- it just made no sense based on what libertarianism is. You couldn't adhere to libertarian principles and be involved in that because that's an opposition to those principles.
It's not the first time -- suddenly, that's right -- the past four years, people have been saying anyone who voted for Trump only did so because they're so rabidly racist, right? And that the problem with baseless smears is not just that they're annoying, or they're mean, but they're also harmful, because that is how the people that are radicalized do get radicalized.
Because if you're out there baselessly smearing people, even if you someday do have a legitimate argument, people who you disagree with aren't going to listen to you. They're going to say there's the baseless smearing guy. So America is big on, you know, individual liberty, individual rights, we need to remember individual and start [bleep] on people as individuals, again, rather than the baseless smears of groups of people that are not rooted in reality.
And I will start and say, you know, John Brennan, the guy that you know, thought you could just target Americans with drone strikes without due process, snooping and hacking the Senate computers, C.I.A., very much lying, saying he wasn't -- apparently, he didn't have time to Google libertarian before smearing all of us. So I don't think we should be listening to his advice on, you know, national security matters right now.
GUTFELD: Well, Dana, typical libertarian. The sketch.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: Won't stop.
PERINO: And they never land on a decision.
GUTFELD: They never land -- they are just like --
MURDOCH: And they are terrible on world maps.
PERINO: The thing is that --
TIMPF: We don't need a map of the whole world.
PERINO: On Twitter, libertarians, and them being awful and horrible people. It's also -- it's been -- it's a joke on Twitter, and I really do wonder if somehow he doesn't know what a libertarian is, it's like, he got caught up in that and it was so unintentionally funny.
GUTFELD: He met a librarian or a Liberian.
PERINO: He might have. And also, I just can't believe that Biden canceled the XL pipeline.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Not this block.
MURDOCH: I am pretty struck about that.
GUTFELD: You know what is great is they can cut that out as we all started laughing. They're laughing about the cancellation of the pipeline. Tyrus, to your first point in the first segment, it comes back here again. How can you talk unity when you're also talking about half the population needing to be deprogrammed?
MURDOCH: Yes, I don't -- I guess I get confused sometimes because if I want to know what's wrong with something, I would actually ask the people that I feel it's wrong with.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: You're bringing an out of touch -- I mean, out of touch, like he's been alone for way too long, not just because of the pandemic. Experts who think libertarians are worse than that list because usually when you give a list, the last ones, the one -- everyone goes, damn.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: You know what I am saying, like? I mean --
TIMPF: You don't have social skills.
PERINO: Yes.
MURDOCH: First, you get, you know, then you get mold in the house, then you get a mouse or two, and then you get cracks in the woods and that's when the rats show up and if you don't get rid of them. Next thing you know, you got three libertarians on your couch watching "Seinfeld" episodes talking about fill up my fridge in your own house.
And the only thing worse than that is showing up to work and everybody else took the day off. See what I did there? See how you build it?
GUTFELD: Yes. He's got a point. It's like saying like, I can't stand FOX. They have Sean Hannity and Tucker. Oh, and they have this guy, Kilmeade. You assume that --
MURDOCH: You would go with the bang.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: Okay, yes.
MURDOCH: Yes.
KILMEADE: I guess that's as close as I am going to get to a question. You've done this show.
MURDOCH: Yes. Allegedly.
KILMEADE: A couple of things. John Brennan, I cannot believe he was Director of the C.I.A., National Security adviser. It's unbelievable. We are just talking about a guy that to me seems to be out of touch. A guy four years ago had a lot of power and we know we exercised it.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: A couple other things. John Brenna was one of the Intelligence experts that signed on to that document that said that Hunter Biden's laptop was typically Russia -- typical Russian disinformation, which we know flat out wasn't true, a desperate attempt, even though you lose any credibility you had left to make sure that Donald Trump didn't win the election.
TIMPF: He didn't have any left.
KILMEADE: It is stunning. And the other thing to keep in mind, too, that Ric Grenell brought up today, I can't even say it was my idea that he said that what he is saying there is making these groups the way they are, he is doing a lot of China talking points.
He says it's getting really scary. Some of the things that they're saying to attack the Trump people is how China attacks the Trump people and to bring up Russia is something China typically does.
And you wonder how many people are compromised on the West Coast? Whether it's Swalwell, whether it's him or --
GUTFELD: Katie Couric.
KILMEADE: Katie Couric, I don't know.
GUTFELD: Compromised.
KILMEADE: I just -- it will be so easy and I know you have labeled me before the show in a private pre-production meeting that went on for hours as somebody that talks too much, so I feel a little self-conscious.
GUTFELD: It's not stopping you though.
KILMEADE: Yes, it is not stopping me.
TIMPF: Yes.
KILMEADE: It would have been so easy.
GUTFELD: Look at this. He just keeps going --
TIMPF: Only a little self-conscious.
KILMEADE: It would have been so easy for him just to call Kevin McCarthy and then say listen, I'm going to sign a few of these things. I know you agree with, let's just appear to be on the same page on a few things so we could start off on the right foot. They didn't even try.
GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. I'm glad you added that long winded footnote.
KILMEADE: I am glad it helped this show.
GUTFELD: It was already a very long comment. We didn't get to talk about the censorship of books. Anyway, up next, Joe Biden holds a pen.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
JACKIE IBANEZ, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Good evening and live from "America's News Headquarters" on this Saturday night, I'm Jackie Ibanez in New York.
A Texas man accused of participating in the deadly U.S. Capitol riots is now facing charges for allegedly posting online death threats against Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
Garrett Miller was arrested in Texas Wednesday and made his first court appearance Friday. He is facing several charges including trespassing fences and making death threats.
Miller is also accused of threatening a U.S. Capitol police officer.
Arizona Republicans voting to censor three of their most high profile members: Governor Doug Ducey, former U.S. Senator Jeff Flake and Cindy McCain. McCain and Flake were cited for criticizing former President Trump, both endorsed President Biden during the campaign. The governor was reprimanded for his use of emergency orders during the pandemic.
I'm Jackie Ibanez. Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. Enjoy your night.
GUTFELD: He tried to wipe it all away on his very first day. Yet, his first hours in office this week, President Biden signs 17 Executive Actions, Dana, reversing several decisions made by President Trump. You probably didn't hear this.
It sounds like the start of a [bleep] movie sequel. I can already picture the billboard --
ANNOUNCER: Executive action 17: Rolling back everything Trump did, including the good stuff because you hate him so much.
GUTFELD: Yes. Some of this stuff rolled back on Wednesday includes ending the travel ban from countries with heightened terror concerns, rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement, blah, blah, and the World Health Organization, ending the Keystone XL Pipeline, as Dana mentioned 37 times and stopping construction of the border wall.
Still, I think there's one thing we can all agree on, Joe still had no idea what he was signing. He was thinking about a nap and his favorite episode of "Card Sharks." Just like our newest White House correspondent, Chillax Max.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I would just like to thank our producers for putting the black box over the explicit area. Dana, this is your topic since you had to promote it in the A-block. Why is this -- here's a question for you. Why do they do this all in the beginning and the pardons at the end? Like what's -- it's like a bullet.
PERINO: Greg, that's an interesting point for the D-block.
TIMPF: That's true. That is true.
GUTFELD: How did I walk into that?
PERINO: I have another point about the pipeline though.
GUTFELD: Okay.
PERINO: Remember that one of the things that Biden and Harris said they would do on day one is reestablish good relations with our allies. And within six hours, the first thing Joe Biden did was kill the XL Pipeline, which was the thing that -- the one thing that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau liked that President Trump did, and Trudeau has an election coming up and that Alberta province, like absolutely not. How could you screw this up on day one?
GUTFELD: Yes, that is a great point and our viewers in Alberta will be going, that American lady knows what she's talking about --
KILMEADE: Whatever her name is.
GUTFELD: Yes, whatever her name is -- at the Alberta barber shop.
PERINO: Viewers in Canada again?
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm not allowed to --
KILMEADE: But guess his first call was to Canada.
GUTFELD: Hey, you know what? Slow down there, champ. I want to go to Tyrus. So he is doing everything opposite of Trump because he is Trump. This is like when you -- no, I'm not going to use that analogy but it's like you know, when --
MURDOCH: Whoa, what's wrong with the analogy, Greg? What are we going to do? You made fun of her for being libertarian, what could you possibly make fun of me about?
GUTFELD: No, I wasn't making fun of you.
MURDOCH: Height or --
GUTFELD: I hadn't fully thought the analogy through.
MURDOCH: Right, okay, well speaking of that, neither did Biden and his team, I still think signing these Executive Orders was a horrible decision.
The point with signing all of these Executive Orders in the same fashion as it was done before just shows us that we're not learning from our mistakes. And hey, here's something new since you were so about healing the American people, how about explaining your moves? How about explaining each of the 17, give us the reason why.
KILMEADE: Right.
PERINO: Yes, I agree.
MURDOCH: Why are we doing this? No, I'm just signing -- now, look what I'm doing because you know why, I'm bought and paid for. This is what the progressives wanted.
KILMEADE: That's why they put him in.
MURDOCH: This is what the so -- I'm going to sign. As soon as I get in, I'll do this and we have a deal and they should -- so when the deals break down, we're going to be in -- and I used to use it back in the day, a quagmire. It's just a muck of all these Democrats who are going to push and they want all their extra things and we're just going to see a huge mess.
And it's really -- it's sad because the whole point was when we get in, we're going to be unified and we're going to bring the country together.
KILMEADE: Less than an hour.
MURDOCH: Literally we're in.
GUTFELD: See you later.
MURDOCH: Take the shoes off. Get him out. We got this.
GUTFELD: It was like by analogy was when the parents go away on a cruise, the kids just throw a party and that's what happened but --
MURDOCH: And you stop, because you know, I didn't have parents. I appreciate that.
GUTFELD: Thank you. Yes.
KILMEADE: There you go.
MURDOCH: The other kids, I was just on the glass wondering if anyone is coming -- is anyone?
GUTFELD: You know, Brian, if I were a President, my first Executive Order would have you thrown in a bottomless pit with spikes at the bottom.
KILMEADE: You asked me to do this show. You realize that. You ask me every week to do the show. I do the show and you actually read from the papers.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: You write down --
GUTFELD: I write down --
TIMPF: You keep coming back.
KILMEADE: I know. That's so dumb.
PERINO: Fair point.
TIMPF: So you like it.
KILMEADE: But I will say this, I don't want to -- I know you wanted to -- you attempted to do a whole show on pipelines.
GUTFELD: Yes.
KILMEADE: And -- but let's just add something else to how symbolic emblematic this pipeline is. The steel was going to be made in America. It is cleaner. Five separate impact studies by the Obama administration said zero impact on the environment.
Now, if we do get the oil that is going to come on rails and it's going to come on trucks, which is going to be more of an impact on the environment and you're talking about relations with our neighbor. There's no reason for him to have done this.
GUTFELD: Yes. No, you're absolutely right. Kat, I'm going to give you the last word on this. Make it pithy.
TIMPF: I am just so glad we're back in the Paris Accord because otherwise we'd be on fire. No, I don't get all of the emotions about the Paris Accord one way or the other because there's no enforcement mechanism in it.
And everybody who, you know, every country that signs it knows that. It is like the equivalent of when you tell your grandma, like yes, I will be good at school. It's this -- but people get so emotional about it. So I don't know.
It's been -- it's been annoying.
KILMEADE: Except for, John Kerry is in charge of it. And he's probably going to get you know, his huge six foot seven body. He is going to put his head everywhere.
TIMPF: But no other country that says they're going to do they're going to do. They actually have to do it.
GUTFELD: I came up with my own Executive Actions. I would outlaw three of the final "Office" series, like the last three seasons.
MURDOCH: You know, good call. Good call.
GUTFELD: And legalize every drug.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: That would be my first one, and put a bounty ...
TIMPF: Free all the people.
GUTFELD: ... on whoever is behind spam calls. Put a bounty on them.
PERINO: Yes, I like that.
GUTFELD: Me, too. Coming up, a whole bunch of pardons. That's next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Whatever the weather, he can pardon whomever. In his final week in office, President Trump pardoned or commuted the sentences of over 140 people. People like Steve Bannon, Elliott Broidy -- Broidy? And rapper, Lil Wayne.
Sadly Kilmeade didn't make the cut, he still has to wear the ankle bracelets for the string of killings he committed back in the early 80s. Also excluded was the Tiger King himself, Joe Exotic as well as Julian Assange and Edward Snowden. And of course, Sarah Jessica Parker.
It brings up some key questions. Why do we even allow pardons? Why are they always at the end? And why does the President have a monopoly on them? I don't know, but my buddy, Tanner is in the pen right now. Check out his crime.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I don't know. I bet that the guy filming it probably did that and is trying to blame the dog. You freak. Hey, Tyrus, he pardons Lil' Wayne. Why? What's going on?
MURDOCH: Well, obviously they have a relationship. They are friends, and Wayne asked him to.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Which is nice when you're in trouble, if you have a President, you have a direct line to, say goodbye to that, ladies and gentlemen.
One of the things that I always hear the thing why people like Trump, why people like Trump, especially in the black community or any urban community, he represents -- take all the tweets and stuff out -- he represents being a self-made individual who doesn't take a backseat to anyone.
He is financially set. He's cool. He even has his own catchphrase Trump tight. Like when you saw the lifestyle that he portrayed before he was President, Americans believed in and they go like, I want to be like that guy.
This guy is everywhere. His name is everywhere. I want to be like him.
So there is a connection between him and entertainment and the rap community and the fight community. I mean, hell, he was trained -- he worked with Don King back in the day. He was a huge boxing fan. He knew everybody.
He was bigger in the black community than people realize. So when he does well voting, and when they talk about him in rap songs and stuff it is because he's an American pride. He is an idea more than he is a person sometimes and you forget all the other stuff.
He hated the media. And honestly, I would argue he hated both parties. He did it his way. And there's something about that to somebody who wants something in the world. It's like, I want to be like him.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Because if -- you've never -- you never ever saw him in his position, where it looked like he was really losing.
GUTFELD: Yes, a very good point.
MURDOCH: And a lot of Americans are always getting their butts kicked and we see a guy who refuses to lose even when they say he lost. And there's something about that. No, but there's something about that, that people are like, you can use that to get out of your situation. You cannot accept your circumstances.
GUTFELD: Right. Yes.
MURDOCH: And we can -- all the other stuff we don't have to worry about. But that's just the real of it. Real recognize real. I want to win, I want money. I want fame, I want these things. He's done it for decades.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: He's an institution of success, whether you like him or hate him. You can't argue with that.
GUTFELD: Dana, and we're not going to argue with you about that, because you'd kill me.
PERINO: Good point.
GUTFELD: Dana, who would you pardon if you had the chance?
PERINO: Well, I think the pardons have gotten a little out of control. I think that people that have truly found a way to serve their time and give back or were the target of injustice, that will make sense and the founding fathers like the President should have this power.
I would actually pardon Roger Rabbit, because he was framed.
MURDOCH: Boom.
TIMPF: I get it.
GUTFELD: Why? You know, she warned me it was going to be bad.
PERINO: No, I warned you it was going to be funny.
GUTFELD: I didn't know how bad it was.
PERINO: Kat laughed.
MURDOCH: I laughed, too. I thought that was pretty good.
PERINO: Thank you.
MURDOCH: That was very good.
PERINO: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Kilmeade.
MURDOCH: It never was clear at the end of the movie, whether he was --
GUTFELD: Kilmeade?
KILMEADE: I want to build on what Tyrus said.
GUTFELD: Oh, here we go.
KILMEADE: I don't get it. Because he had great --
MURDOCH: Then how can we build if you don't get it?
GUTFELD: I know.
KILMEADE: Because the African-American --
MURDOCH: No further questions.
KILMEADE: He had "The Apprentice" ratings. It said like he had a great urban rating.
MURDOCH: Yes.
KILMEADE: On "The Apprentice." But when he became President, if you were supporting the President, you were out in the black community like Lil Wayne evidently took so much heat because he was with the President, especially the last few weeks.
Mur Okay. But he -- when we say he, let's talk about real he. Well, would Lil Wayne lose his job? Was his money taken from him? Was heat brought out in the street and give a public scolding? Or did Don Lemon told him to act accordingly or you catch him in an alley? What's real heat? Because it's not real.
People picking on you on social media, the media coming after you. We've learned that lesson from the President. You don't have to take that [bleep].
KILMEADE: Snoop Dogg comes out and he asked a favor, thanked him and everything. Where was he for four years? He would have helped the President so much, if not give him insight on how to get the vote, but be there. So where was he for four years?
MURDOCH: All right, although I saved his life on many occasions and raised the children and possibly saved this marriage, but that's not important. But what is important is that speaking as just the guy who coached with another guy, they had a relationship, they were friends for a long time. They had pictures together in their office.
People have falling out. But when it comes down to it to get work done, businessmen, grown adults, men and women, they put their differences aside and they get things done. And then while you're doing that, i.e. with Ice Cube, talking about different things like that.
KILMEADE: At the end, yes.
MURDOCH: You learn things from each other. Like you know what, I didn't realize this guy was that bad. You know, I can work with him.
KILMEADE: Well, do you think he got heat? Ice Cube?
GUTFELD: You know what?
MURDOCH: From who?
KILMEADE: Like, he was in trouble.
MURDOCH: Who is going to walk the cube and be like, I heard what you said about helping people out.
GUTFELD: Kilmeade, here is a thought. Have Tyrus on your show to talk about it, so I can get to the end --
KILMEADE: All right.
TIMPF: I haven't had my turn yet.
KILMEADE: I'll take a --
MURDOCH: You wanted to leave again for two weeks?
TIMPF: It's so exciting to be back.
MURDOCH: Last time I interrupt her, she left for two weeks. You wanted to leave again?
TIMPF: No.
KILMEADE: I'm never coming back to it, it doesn't matter.
TIMPF: Look, if I were President, I would just -- all I'd do is be pardoning all over the place. I would pardon every single nonviolent drug offender. There was 31 of those people on the list, because it's so unjust. It's an unjust law. They should all be pardoned.
And I can guarantee that none of them would return to these lives of crime selling dope, because in my America, you could buy dope at the store.
GUTFELD: I agree completely. And we still didn't get to the question. Why is it always at the end? Because let's say if I get arrested, I've got to wait four years?
PERINO: Well, look, the controversial ones are at the end.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: A President will often do the ones of people that are most deserving at Christmas.
TIMPF: I've got some questions about the Steve Bannon one. I think anybody -- if you don't have questions about that, you're lying to yourself.
GUTFELD: I would pardon -- I would pardon a person every single day rather than wait until the end. If I was President --
MURDOCH: It's like a pardon party hosted by President Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
MURDOCH: Special guest.
TIMPF: All right.
PERINO: Pardon a day.
GUTFELD: All right. Up next, Stephen King's horror show of a tweet.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: He thought he was it, but he is just a piece of crap. Stephen King, that's an author, Kilmeade, thought he totally owned Donald Trump's Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany on Twitter when he told her quote, "Enjoy your next job as a cocktail waitress in Tampa."
People were quick to push back asking what he thought was wrong with being a cocktail waitress and others saying the remark was sexist. Also, let's not forget Tampa is a pretty fun town. There's a hot tub there I'm still banned from using.
The backlash was so bad, King wound up saying sorry for getting carried away.
"I apologize to waitresses cocktail and otherwise (how sweet) everywhere. It was a dumb crack." That's true. It was a dumb crack. And frankly, Steve, not a great backtrack. So the next time you got to backtrack from your dumb crack, take a lesson from my pal Backtrack Jack.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Back it up. All right.
TIMPF: What a good boy.
GUTFELD: Yes, something wrong with me because I'll keep watching that over and over again. Okay, Dana, I have a theory, so liberal dudes always seem to be the most sexist. And I realize it's because they are sexist and liberalism just happens to be their choice to protect against accusations of misogyny.
So it's not like they go hand in hand, it just so happens that really sexist dudes use liberalism as a protection.
PERINO: Well, look at Harvey Weinstein.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I mean, that is true. It is a pattern over and over again. And Stephen King lives in Florida as basically a recluse.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I mean, what does he know about waitresses? He hasn't been out of the house.
GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, you seem very charged up.
TIMPF: I was a waitress for many years.
PERINO: I loved --
GUTFELD: In a cocktail bar?
TIMPF: I was terrible at it, Dana. No, and not in the cocktail bar. I was never good enough to work --
GUTFELD: As a human league reference.
TIMPF: To work as -- I get it, but not to even work in a place that had cocktail waitresses. I was like diner. I was California Pizza Kitchen across from the Long Beach Conference Center.
MURDOCH: Fasa Market.
TIMPF: I got fired from Ruby Tuesday. You know, because it's hard. You've got to remember everything. You have to go serve these people and you have to not get emotionally involved.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Which is difficult. I remember I spilled a bottle of wine on this woman. And I should have been like, I'm sorry, let me go get paper towels. But I didn't. I said I'm sorry, are you mad at me? Like I was worried about my relationship with her and she was like, you know, so kudos to all of you who are waitresses and good at it enough to be cocktail waitresses. Stephen King could never.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is so true. Brian, the only reason why I apologize was because of Twitter, which makes him even weaker in a way.
KILMEADE: Kayleigh McEnany was A-plus as a Press Secretary, but I was --
GUTFELD: Was that a jab at Dana?
KILMEADE: No, Dana, you ultimately can go over past me, but the way she went back at -- you know, she wouldn't back at the President. Here are the questions you should be asking me, but I know you have no interest in it. They could not touch her, so they want to touch on that and she's out.
"The Washington Post" wrote a terrible article saying she was a coward at the end because she left a week early that she's a coward. I will say this, one thing about -- I worked at Bennigan's and I destroyed the franchise because it is no longer there.
I was there for the best two years. I love Ruby Tuesday's. Fantastic. They have given up. They basically said there's a platform, you bring it in and we'll bring it over when it's done. Don't ask any questions.
You would go into Ruby Tuesday's and never see a person.
GUTFELD: You know, okay. Forget Stephen King, Tyrus, we're going into that world of the restaurants that all were kind of the same in the early -- you had Friday's.
KILMEADE: Bennigan's.
GUTFELD: YOU had Bennigan's. You had Ruby Tuesday's.
KILMEADE: Houlihan's.
GUTFELD: Houlihan's.
MURDOCH: And Chili's came around and it just go weird.
GUTFELD: All tried to outdo themselves with stuff on the wall. They have like road signs.
MURDOCH: A lot of flare. A lot of flare.
GUTFELD: A kayak would be there, and it was like -- and then like, all of them started to dress like referees, right?
MURDOCH: Yes, a lot of sports motifs. But you know, sometimes you've got to take a stand, Greg, you know.
GUTFELD: Yes. Nice.
MURDOCH: And I don't think that was it, Steven, I don't think that was the way to go. But if you're going to throw trash, which I thought you weren't allowed to do on Twitter anymore, shouldn't his account be taken from him?
KILMEADE: Absolutely.
GUTFELD: Suspend it.
MURDOCH: I mean --
TIMPF: He hurt me.
MURDOCH: I was -- yes like, Kat is reliving horrific moments of was it red or white?
TIMPF: It was red.
MURDOCH: Oh it was red.
TIMPF: It was red.
MURDOCH: Thank you Stephen King. I hope you're happy.
TIMPF: I was bad and I did not handle it the right way.
MURDOCH: Twitter, we're waiting.
GUTFELD: All right, we've got to move on. Unfortunately, I never had the chance to be a cocktail waitress.
MURDOCH: That was your shining moment.
GUTFELD: Oh, nicely done. All right, more show, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: We're out of time. Thanks to Brian Kilmeade who made us out of time. Dana Perino, Kat Timpf, Tyrus.
I am Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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