This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 29, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Andrea Tantaros, along with Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."
TANTAROS: Well, if anyone needed a reminder as to why America is the greatest country on Earth, we got a very powerful one last night during the State of the Union. His name is Sergeant First Class Cory Remsburg.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: On his tenth deployment, Cory was nearly killed by a massive roadside bomb in Afghanistan. His comrades found him in a canal face down, under water, shrapnel in his brain. For months, he lay in a coma.
Next time I met him in the hospital, he couldn't speak. He could barely move. Over the years, he's endured dozens of surgeries and procedures, hours of grueling rehab every day.
He's learned to speak again, and stand again, and walk again. And he's working toward the day when he can serve his country again. "My recovery has not been easy," he says. "Nothing in life that's worth anything is easy."
Sergeant First Class Cory Remsburg never gives up and he does not quit.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: That was the longest applause of the evening. And it was the one time I think, Bob, that really Republicans and Democrats stood up together and you saw some bipartisan support on Twitter and in that chamber.
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Yes, and for good reason. I mean, what an incredible story this was. But it was -- it does underscore the fact that for the rest of the evening, it was as if super glue was put on somebody's seat when somebody said something, and super glue was on the other because I've been to several of these in the chamber and I've watched them over the years. And I don't think I have seen quite as much down and up and down and up and down and up.
TANTAROS: But stay with Cory. That moment touched you. I know you were saying before.
BECKEL: Oh, yes. I mean, how could it not? I mean, I think that the fact that he's sitting there and after going through all that is a remarkable story. And his is not alone.
I mean, I just can't imagine how anybody could have anything but great admiration. I really don't have a lot I can say, because he said everything he need to say by his actions.
TANTAROS: I thought it was a great way, Eric, to almost end the speech, to bring people together, and what a perfect guest to pick.
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: Yes. A little bit of -- this is the moment, the moment of the whole speech is now eight minutes. And that was the moment.
But the problem was that came an hour into the speech. For me, he could have gone to it earlier. He should have hat tipped the military earlier. Even if he wants to go towards the end to do something like this, which is very common -- I get it, not just Democratic presidents.
Republicans do it as well.
But remember yesterday, my "One More Thing" was Ronald Regan. I spent a massive amount of time looking back at prior State of the Unions with Ronald Reagan. They all do this thing, it's fantastic, it's patriotic, I'm all for it.
But afterwards, Reagan came back and talks about it. He kind of concluded the State of the Union. You noticed President Obama, right after this, said, "Good night, God bless America," and that was it. He almost used that really heartfelt, patriotic moment to say good-bye.
BECKEL: You know, it was Ronald Reagan who started this with a guy named Skutnik who jumped into the river after Air Florida and saved the stewardess.
TANTAROS: Dana, it wasn't all this way. If you look at the '70s with the Vietnam War, veterans weren't always treated the way they are now. So, it was actually a highlight, for me, anyway, watching this hero stand up and getting the applause. And I do think we're in a different era, even with Republicans and Democrats when it comes to veterans and supporting them.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Certainly, and a tenth deployment. I mean, to be deployed 10 times, it does make you wonder from a policy standpoint, is there something that could or should be done in regard to the number of deployments and how often these young people are asked to go, not just young people, but anybody in the military or in the civilian world are asked to go overseas to do things for us.
I wonder also if the president might not have been able to use this opportunity to talk about some sort of policy, some bipartisan cooperation to deal with the veterans backlog. You have so many veterans that have come back, we know not only do they have physical incapabilities now because they have sacrificed a limb, sometimes multiple limbs, but also on PTSD. And there's a lot that is being done in the private sector and a lot of -- some of the great hospitals on PTSD, but the veterans backlog and getting them the care that they need where they live, that is something that America really should do something about, and that there is bipartisan will to do.
BECKEL: Is that a voluntary thing to go back nine times or is that ordered back?
PERINO: I don't know about his specific situation. Some people do offer to go on multiple deployments, but it's been 13 years. So, it's possible.
TANTAROS: Greg, when I looked at his father standing next to him, you have to imagine the father is feeling the pain of what he has felt. He was probably there for every visit. That really brought me to tears to see the dad standing right next to him.
Should there be more discussion about war and should the president have talked maybe a little more about this? Some people said, oh, I didn't spend enough time on foreign policy because the first thing I thought when I look at that is, damn it, we better be sure that we have a commander backing the mission and that we're in there for the right reasons if these men and women are sacrificing their lives and their limbs like the sergeant.
GUTFELD: You know, there were a couple people that I really respect a lot in the media like Nick Gillespie, who was just disgusted by this. And I don't think I can go that far, but I kind of -- I do agree with Eric on this one. I think this was -- this event, this heroic man was somewhat disconnected from the limp litany of grad school garbage that came before, and it felt like it was placed at the end of the speech to armor against scrutiny, that you end it right then and there and everyone walks away thinking about this amazing hero and not how lame the president's speech was.
I mean, I think I'm being fairly mild, but if you read Nick Gillespie's piece in "Time" magazine, he's absolutely disgusted. For me, the speech was the least majestic speech I've ever heard. It was like a gender study student giving a speech on the quad, trying to get signatures for a unisex bathroom in a local Starbucks.
It wasn't presidential. It was pubescent. He was running for student body president of Epcot Center.
But I have to say that --
TANTAROS: How do you really feel?
GUTFELD: It was really moving at the end, but I felt like I was being used.
GUTFELD: I felt like I was being used.
TANTAROS: Well, it sounds like you feel like Cory was being used as a human shield from criticism from people like us.
GUTFELD: But he deserves the accolades. I think Eric is right, that the way it should have come back to something. And it didn't.
BOLLING: And many, almost every State of the Union, they always come back.
BOLLING: And they always finish up on the State of the Union.
GUTFELD: And it was kind of egregious in my opinion.
TANTAROS: What do you think, Bob? Should they have moved this up?
BECKEL: I think it's a little bit. The guy deserves --
GUTFELD: Of course, he deserves it.
BECKEL: I'm not so sure you can figure out where in a speech to do that.
But having said that, I don't agree with Greg, obviously, on the speech itself. But I do think the point about where and when do we deploy United States forces overseas is now becoming front and center in the debate, not just in the military, but among politicians, Democrats and Republicans alike. I think people are tired and the country certainly is tired of the United States being every place, and being everywhere for everybody, and being the world's policemen. I think this is going to be a debate, a serious one, after we finish with Afghanistan.
PERINO: I actually think people are willing to support a mission that the president of the United States supports.
TANTAROS: But on the heels of the information that we discussed here on the show, which was that President Obama gave up or really wasn't into the surge, that's where I got annoyed last night. That's why I asked the question. Why are we in certain places if we have a commander in chief that isn't behind it, when we have people sacrificing their lives and limbs? We better have a commander behind it.
BECKEL: He made the decision to send them in. I mean, come on.
TANTAROS: And then said, you know what? I'm having second thoughts.
BECKEL: As I said before, I don't think there's any commander in chief at some point or another doesn't think about the decisions they made.
I mean, that's a bad rap all the way around.
PERINO: I think the decisions the president has made are probably a lot more complicated than just -- it's not a black and white decision, and plus, things change on the ground, conditions change on the ground. In Afghanistan, now, they're working on a security forces agreement, but you're going to have a new president there in three months. So, there's now a question, should you wait on that? I think the president is probably trying to take into account everything that's happening, not only just public opinion, but also about what can be accomplished there.
TANTAROS: All right, well, that was the high point of the speech.
But what about the low point? ObamaCare, which the president waited roughly 42 minutes to get to -- Robert Gibbs was asked about the president and ObamaCare. Here's what he had to say.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
OBAMA: One last point on financial security. For decades, few things exposed hard-working families to economic hardship more than a broken health care system. And in case you haven't heard, we're in the process of fixing that.
ROBERT GIBBS, FORMER WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: It's hard to overestimate the real damage that was inflicted for most of last year on health care. This was entirely in the control of the White House, and yet, still so badly bungled.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: All right. Well, at least he had the courage to admit it, Greg. The president didn't mention the botched Web site or the policy cancellations, and what really struck me is he said we have to fix it -- well, because he broke it.
GUTFELD: Yes. The interesting thing is he makes a case for a lot of things, including ObamaCare, without ever tying it to any real solution.
It's that fake straining of his voice he does in a way to convince you that he's right without having to back it.
He's like a speech version of an air guitar. He's playing but not really doing it, and then he says this is going to be a year of action, which is kind of not a promise but a threat. It's like he's going to say, you just wait. I'm going to make ObamaCare look like the kitten bowl.
TANTAROS: Or the puppy bowl.
TANTAROS: Dana, "The Washington Post" fact checked some of his statements on ObamaCare, not exactly right on point.
PERINO: I would say the president has done a very good job of being able to cloud the issue. Not giving Republicans any credit for even having
-- even if they don't like the idea that they put forward, you can't deny they have put forward ideas, and "The Washington Post" points that out.
The president had 472 words in the entire speech dedicated to ObamaCare. What's interesting to me about that is it's because of ObamaCare's failure that the president had to give such a small-ball speech. It's because America is so tired of what happened with ObamaCare and worried about the future and even if the president has lots of things he could point to that are going well for the country and Congress is actually getting done, whether you like it or not, the farm bill gets done today -- everybody still feels like ObamaCare is this lead blanket that is sitting over their lives and over the economy and their pocketbooks and he's not going to be able to get away from it, but it is the reason that liberalism is suffering a little bit of reputation damage, so to speak.
TANTAROS: Eric, you could actually hear the laughter in the chamber last night from members when he said we have to fix the system.
BOLLING: Yes, he chuckled, he laughed at himself over that.
But the most interesting in the ObamaCare, the 472 words, that was it was, placement of them. I mean, you point out 42 minutes in. He went through a lot of things, he went through a lot of initiatives before he even mentioned ObamaCare or health care at all, including business.
How -- you know, I have some amazing comments. I guess maybe we'll do it in the next block about what he had to say about Google and Facebook.
What he had to say about energy. He got through all that, even talked about immigration, and then, finally, he slipped some ObamaCare stuff in.
You know, 10 minutes later, he got tips for the military. I think, whoever wrote that speech, and I believe the guy has been working on it since November because he has one of those November beards. He said he wasn't going to shave until the speech -- he wasted a whole heck of time.
That thing was probably one of the worst State of the Union speeches I have heard. And I have probably heard, I don't know, 30 or so.
TANTAROS: What did you think, Bob? Because I was watching your Twitter last night. We were on Twitter, live tweeting, and you said, there was a tweet you put out about what he said about Republicans and how they should not try to block a bill that's helped millions. But, in fact, millions have actually lost their health care.
BECKEL: Well, I think -- look, this is -- why do you wait that long?
Because it's the weakest thing. That's the part of the problem that he faces.
And I do think, though, that the inevitable is starting to happen here. Whoever said the only thing that's besides taxes is absolute certainty is government programming in Washington. This program is not going to go away. The question is what's going to happen to make it better, if there's a way to do that.
Now, the other thing is, I do think, despite the Republicans coming up with some health care plans, it was very clear to me, I thought it was not at all the worst speech I have heard. I thought it was quite good in many, many ways. But what underscored it all is time and time again, over and over and over, he reminded the Republicans that they had done nothing to help his agenda except to obstruct him.
TANTAROS: Oh, Bob.
PERINO: Actually, can I just make a comment on that?
PERINO: Because one of the few things President Obama asked the Congress for last night was fast track authority for a trade deal -- a trade deal that's been in the works for years. And guess what happened today? Harry Reid, the Senate majority leader, President Obama's ally, said not happening -- the very next day after the State of the Union, after years of negotiation.
So, to me, you can't just blame the Republicans for not supporting President Obama's agenda.
TANTAROS: All right. And what does that say about the state of relations between the White House and the Democrats?
BECKEL: Well, no, I agree with that. I mean, Harry Reid --
TANTAROS: We've got to go, Bob. Sorry, they're wrapping me.
More on the State of the Union ahead on "The Five", including some fiery analysis from Brit Hume.
And later, the Miami Dolphin who said he was bullied by a teammate finally describes what happened to him in his first TV interview. So, stick around for that.
PERINO: We're back with more analysis of last night's State of the Union.
"The Associated Press" described it this way. "Obama's agenda more bite sized than bold."
One person who could certainly agree with that is Charles Krauthammer.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: In 2008, Obama said Reagan was a president who was historically consequential in a way that a Clinton was not. And what he meant is Reagan changed the course of American history and Clinton played small ball. And when Obama came into office, if you look at his first State of the Union, extremely expansive, extremely ambitious. And here we are, he sounds like a president who realizes he's not going to get it done.
Now, he's playing small ball. He's being a Clinton, and not a Reagan.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And Brit Hume tells us how he really feels.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRIT HUME, FOX NEWS SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST: He's talking about his presidency. After four years of recovery -- this is his recovery. This is the recovery he promised. He's saying after four years it's gotten worse.
I mean, I have never heard a president do that in my life -- get up in the middle of his presidency and announce all of the things that are supposed to be the centerpiece of his agenda going forward, all have gotten worse since he's been in office. He didn't put it that way, but you think about it, that's what he was saying.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Last night, during "The Five"'s FOX News chat on Twitter, Greg, you had a similar observation early on in the speech on Twitter.
GUTFELD: Yes, he -- it was when he was referring to the inequality caused by his own policies, and he still got applause for it. It's almost like a doctor bragging about all the patients he's killed and he's going to keep practicing.
GUTFELD: They rooted for -- they rooted for the iceberg when watching the "Titanic."
You know, I want to go back to the comment on the use of the word small ball because there's -- if you add up all the small balls from yesterday, you get a play pen of progressivism. It's -- the big idea from Obama by adding that all up is to syllabus from a left wing night school, but if you elect a small ban, you're going to get --
PERINO: That's what they say.
PERINO: That's what they hear. I've heard.
Eric, you wanted to talk about a couple things you noticed in the speech. And during the chat, you mentioned incredulity when the president talked about Google and Facebook and also on the energy policy.
BOLLING: This is how he went. He started out and he moved into business. Now, remember, this is a capitalist society. We are a free market capitalism built this great country.
At one point, President Obama said federal research has led to Google and Facebook. I literally dropped -- my jaw dropped. Did he really just say that?
PERINO: You mean the Internet?
BOLLING: I guess the Internet. I guess so.
PERINO: Thank God for Al Gore.
BOLLING: Al Gore, that's exactly my thought was. And the all of the above strategy that I announced, when he said, I realized -- do you remember John McCain against his strategy, John McCain saying all of the above and President Obama pushing back on all of the above. And then he basically said give America a raise when he's talking about the minimum wage, and what I heard was -- I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about because I have never run a business, so what the hell. It's your money anyway. Why not give America a raise.
Bottom line, about halfway through the speech, my B.S. meter broke, it was pinned to the right so far. I didn't know what to do, so I kind of just moved on and listened to the rest and came to the stuff we talked about earlier, but wow. I wouldn't even call it tone deaf. He just has no idea how to run -- how America runs on business and small business, Dana.
PERINO: Bob, some of the things -- some of the things the president and Congress need to do every year have started to move. There's a budget.
There's now a farm bill. There are certain things President Obama could point to say, we have been getting the work done on behalf of the American people.
Was now the time to pull back and not do something sort of bigger? At least try, and then if the Congress pushes back and it doesn't work, then try to blame Congress?
BECKEL: Well, the problem with that is of course if you announce big ball and it doesn't work out because he probably would -- he would be stymied and you would sit around and say, see, he didn't make it.
Let me just make one point. Google -- both benefit, not from Al Gore, for the military's Internet. And Google benefitted from the algorithm developed by NASA. That's how it happened.
BOLLING: Or they developed their own algorithm.
PERINO: So why doesn't the president talk more about basic research and funding?
BOLLING: Listen, he did talk about research. And one thing he did talk about which I thought the Republicans should have jumped up and at least tried to applaud if they didn't have super glue on their ass, is that they -- when they talk about tax reform. We had a tax code that was just littered with special interest loopholes, none of which were his.
TANTAROS: First of all, we talked about this --
BECKEL: Excuse me, can I just finish? Never mind.
TANTAROS: Can I speak in this segment?
BECKEL: Go ahead.
TANTAROS: I mean, he empowered Simpson-Bowles to come up with a plan, Bob, on tax reform. You have said yourself the president did nothing with it. Maybe use it for toilet paper, I don't know.
Speaking of big ball, he has played big ball. He showed us his big ball. It's called ObamaCare. It's been a big disaster.
BECKEL: How do you know it's been a big disaster?
TANTAROS: And why doesn't he talk about the Keystone Pipeline.
It would have been amazing last night, I think, as a conservative, for him to come out in favor of the Keystone Pipeline. He would have knocked everybody on the floor, jaws would have been on the floor. He would have said I'm sending it up to Congress, sign it, get it back to me, and have a Rose Garden ceremony.
Instead, it was cognitive dissonance. Two competed theories. This has been great although this has been bad. The health care system needs to be fixed, but it's doing really well.
I mean, I couldn't follow. It was really -- it was reality and then Obama world.
PERINO: Let me ask Greg --
BECKEL: You got to remember, this election -- excuse me, just one thing about election year. The environmentalists would have been up over arms about that, and, by the way, Simpson-Bowles, it was not about tax reform.
PERINO: This is -- I'm going to throw a little thought provoking question there.
GUTFELD: Oh, I'm scared.
BECKEL: Yes, that's a right place to set it. Go ahead.
PERINO: In a way, isn't this smaller view of government, the small ball before we ban it completely, isn't that what people have been clamoring for? Don't they want the government to do less? So, in a way, hasn't President Obama actually then succumbed to the wishes of the American people?
GUTFELD: No, because every single one of these examples that he's pushing champions government, not the individual. The underlying motivation behind everything he does is that we can't take care of ourselves, but government can take care of you. This was about daddy.
Government as daddy.
And come to me. You don't need ambition anymore. Get a job with the federal government. You'll get a raise and you'll never have to think about risk ever again.
BECKEL: What about tax reform?
TANTAROS: He was saying that to women last night as well when he referenced "Mad Men", although most women have a different version of Don Draper. They love Don Draper.
PERINO: They don't have to get up on their feet and clap for his version of it.
BECKEL: The other thing they could get is immigration. If the Republicans --
PERINO: I think we might have to hold that for tomorrow's topic.
All right. Ahead, Joe Biden looked like he was having a great time last night, and will he run in 2016? He answered that question this morning. His answer when we come back.
BOLLING: Welcome back, everybody. Time for the fastest seven, three vibrant topics, seven vigorous minutes, one vivacious host, Greg.
Vice President Biden, the fastest seven. Joe B., the topic of all three.
First up, just a few hours after being the eyeball magnet during the State of the Union address last night, Joe Biden hit the morning talk show circuit. Here's how he pondered his POTUS possibilities.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOSEPH BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: In my heart, I'm confident that I could make a good president. I have not made a decision to run. I have not made a decision not to run. In the meantime, I've got a job.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Will Hillary Clinton's decision affect your decision?
BIDEN: No, not directly.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Dana, what did you think of that one? Is this his coming out party?
PERINO: Poor Joe Biden, he is going to be asked this question every day until he finally says one way or the other if he's going to run or not.
Because of all of Hillary Clinton's infrastructure and all of the great press and everything that's already happened, Joe Biden is in a major deficit, especially on the fund-raising piece, unless Hillary Clinton all of a sudden is going to give him a bunch of money from her campaign war chest.
I think -- I also feel bad for Boehner and Biden. I like the tradition that the vice president and the speaker are there together, I just think it's so weird they have to sit behind the president like potted plants and try to keep a poker face the whole night.
BOLLING: Greg, let's bring it around this way.
GUTFELD: I hope he runs because -- I love Biden because he flies by the seat of this brains.
BOLLING: Very nice.
TANTAROS: That's assuming that he has them.
BOLLING: Ands, you know, tough question. You want to be president some day. He's like, I still have a job.
TANTAROS: He's not going to run. There's just no way. First of all, he doesn't have Bill behind him.
The Clintons and Obama have been cutting deals left and right. Of course, what Hillary does is going to affect what Joe Biden does. He has no leg to stand on without her. He really doesn't.
I do think it was one of the strangest decisions to pick him as vice president still to this day. Although he's amusing.
BECKEL: I thought it was strange that John Boehner stayed in a tanning bed much too long last night. I mean, it was unbelievable. He could have joined the black caucus and been very, very pleasantly happy there.
But the other thing I would say about Biden is Joe would be the other person who was vice president in one millennium and president in another millennium. I mean, he's going to be 80-something years old.
Having said that, I'll put my marker down here, Hillary Clinton will have a challenge and I'm not the least convinced she'll get the Democratic nomination.
BOLLING: Very good. Very good.
Next up, while it's no secret that Joe Biden and former Secretary of Defense Bob Gates don't see eye to eye, here is Joe B. clearing that air.
By the way, I'm pretty Joe meant Bob Gates, not Bill Gates.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: Look, I like Bill Gates. The part I focused on his book, he said Biden is a man of great integrity. I think he's a man of integrity as well.
Look, the fundamental problem here is Bill Gates and I -- Bob Gates and I have disagreed on almost every foreign policy since Vietnam. I'll let the American public judge who's been right or wrong, Bob Gates or me, and history will judge ultimately who of us was right or wrong, but he's a fine man.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Both of them, Bill and Bob, all the Gates.
GUTFELD: Yes, the Gates -- you know, he said that he disagreed with everything. The problem is I guess Gates was right all the time. To your question, why was he chosen as V.P.? To make Obama look presidential by comparison.
BOLLING: Very good, very good.
Ands, what about it Bob, Bill, any Gates, and VP?
TANTAROS: Eric, Rick, Dina, Dana, oh, who cares? It doesn't really care. It doesn't matter.
I'm just glad we saw Joe Biden. Remember, we haven't seen him in a while. I was about to file a missing person's report. So, I'm happy that he's alive and even though he can't continue to get people's names right, he was amusing last night.
BOLLING: Now, they never saw eye-to-eye on all of these conflicts, a lot of the wars that we've entered into, Bob. Is that going to hurt Joe Biden going forward?
BECKEL: First of all, that wasn't Bob Gates' wars. He was the one who (INAUDIBLE) commander in chief said it. This is a remarkable public servant. He is not the most innovative public servant there was.
Secondly, I think he did put Biden -- I think they did a lot of bad blood, but Bob Gates, I'm not sure it's a good idea to keep someone from a demonstration. Now, I look back at them.
I think Bob was conflicted to begin with. He didn't particularly like it. I still come back to the point, he shouldn't have said something. A good public servant would have said something, saw something wrong, and said wait, can you get out of office to do it?
BOLLING: Your thoughts on this?
PERINO: I thought that Joe Biden's answer was very gracious and keeping in what President Obama said a couple weeks ago when he was asked about it. I thought they handled it very well.
BOLLING: Very good, very good. All right. How about this one? He seems to be a really good sport. I thought we would have fun with the V.P.
Check out the veep photo bombing the president. Mind you, while the president is speaking. State of the union. Hilarious.
By the way, wonder if he was waving at smiling one of these guys.
BECKEL: What does he have in his hand?
BOLLING: Can you roll that one more time? Can you roll the video?
See if you can roll it?
Joe Biden is smiling.
PERINO: He's winking at people.
BOLLING: He's winking.
BOLLING: Bob --
BOLLING: Thoughts on the V.P.?
BECKEL: I have no thoughts. I don't know what you're talking about.
He always points at people. He knows so many people.
PERINO: But it's in the middle of the president's speech.
BOLLING: Delivered the State of the Union there.
BECKEL: I understand that.
GUTFELD: Like Mardi Gras. There's someone in the audience flashing him. Somebody is pulling up their shirt.
PERINO: He's like hey.
GUTFELD: He's like, nice.
TANTAROS: He looks like one of Obama's members of his entourage, like he's accepting an award. And there have been a lot of joker comparisons, yes, we did this together, although I had a contest last night and the winner, there were two, one woman who tweeted Biden's thought was, hey, Nanc, love those underpants. And the other was, hey, the Beano is working.
BOLLING: The Beano is working.
BOLLING: I love this about Joe Biden, that he was willing to wave to people.
PERINO: I think hands down he's probably the most fun politician with the best sense of humor in Washington today.
BOLLING: Very good.
GUTFELD: You think that's unintentional sense of humor?
BOLLING: All right. We've got to go.
PERINO: I don't know. Good natured.
BOLLING: All right. Coming up on "The Five", an update on the NFL bullying story. Dolphin Jonathan Martin speaks for the first time. Don't go away.
GUTFELD: So, recently, my sister was asked to write an obituary for her daughter, my niece. The good news is my niece is not dead. She's fine. My sister was asked as part of the every 15 minutes program when dramatically instilled the horrors of drinking and texting while driving.
The fake obituary is just the start. At school, a Grim Reaper arrives to call these dead kids out every 15 minutes to symbolize the stat that one kid dies every 15 minutes from such actions.
A police officer then comes in and reads the obituary, the teen returns to class in white face makeup and a toe tag as cops send mock death certificates to the parents, at home and at work.
So, how do you know this is a really bad idea? The kids love it.
Consider the target audience who already love drama and romance death.
Anyone remember how Romeo and Juliet ends?
This exercise tells them that dying young brings fame. You're now queen of the zombie prom.
A while back, when teen suicides were rising, the police figured out that reporting on them led to copycat deaths. Once they asked local press to back off, the trend stops.
The lesson: teens romance post-death attention and run for the exits.
The scam also insults actually grieving people who have had to write real authentic obituaries, so why not focus on the drinking and texting and driving without actually glorifying death?
Stick to real life. It's sobering enough.
I don't know -- I am, you know, 49. I remember the good old days.
Does anybody remember the movies like "Red Asphalt", where you come to high school and they show you the films of horrible car crashes and you never wanted to drive again?
This is nuts, Andrea.
TANTAROS: This is crazy. Whatever happened to making volcanoes out of papier-mache?
TANTAROS: I think the reason they like this is because anything is better than trigonometry.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.
TANTAROS: You know? This gets them out of the classroom, and they love doing anything but math. At least I did.
GUTFELD: Yes. But, Eric, kids like this stuff because half the kids in high school are goth. They like death.
BOLLING: I think this might be a good idea, though.
BOLLING: Look, one of the most rattling things my high school did is took one of these actual car crashes. They put it in the parking lot by the front door and said, this is from someone who was drinking who rolled his car and he died.
Dramatic. This is dramatic. I will tell you, but the best thing you can possibly do as a parent, don't ever text and drive.
My son is learning to drive with me. He's got his permit. He's watching. He's driving sometimes.
The other day -- literally, the other day, I was driving, I was texting like this. He turns to me and he goes, dad, you're kidding, right?
The example you set to your kids is the one they're going to take going forth. I have never done it again. It's something you should never do.
By the way, texting, I think, I was eating in a car, drinking before you get in the car. Texting it just as dangerous.
TANTAROS: It is the worse. Car and Driver did a study and said it's worse than driving drunk. Response time is much slower.
GUTFELD: Let me ask you this, Bob. Could you imagine being asked to write an obituary for your child? Isn't that just pretty gross?
BECKEL: I have been working on my own. I can't -- you know, I remember back in the days when it was duck and cover. In our case, it was the confederacy sending bombs into our schoolhouse, but the whole idea of this, if you want to do shocking things, do what I had to do about four or five weeks ago when I had to identify a body of somebody killed in a car wreck at a morgue. That will straighten them out.
GUTFELD: That's actually a better idea because there's nothing romantic about actual death, Dana. This is play acting, which I think feeds into adolescents' romanticism.
PERINO: When your sister was talking about this, I was kind of horrified it. You would imagine that -- I'm not saying your niece would be like this -- but a teenager --
GUTFELD: She loves it.
PERINO: -- she reads obituaries, she thinks, finally, my mom will appreciate me. I wasn't asked to be born, but they'll miss me when I'm gone.
PERINO: I think there could be a twist, though. What if they made the students write the obituary for the victims? So somebody that they would be responsible for the death, and they have to write the obituary for that person.
BOLLING: Or their best friend?
PERINO: Maybe, something like that. I remember -- do you remember McDuff? Was it McDuff, the crime dog?
GUTFELD: Right. Yes.
PERINO: Who came in the classroom. And then something happened and then he left and you had to be a witness for when a crime happened?
PERINO: That was very effective.
GUTFELD: Yes, ever since then, you've been into dogs.
TANTAROS: I think these movies and the TV shows and the -- what's the one that they -- "The Hunger Games." I think kids are desensitized to death. If you watch enough of it, when someone dies in theory, it doesn't really upset you. But as someone who's written two obituaries, for my father and my brother, I wrote them in journalism school. They asked you to write your own. It's not the same.
TANTAROS: It's not the same, and it's not going to penetrate or resonate with these kids, I don't think.
GUTFELD: Yes, I think this program makes money off this. I think they train people to do this. They make hundreds of dollars for the school, I imagine. I don't know.
PERINO: What we really need is better voice recognition software so that if people want to be able to talk to their friends, they can do it all through the phone, which is on speaker.
BECKEL: In heaven?
PERINO: No, Bob. On earth.
TANTAROS: In a car.
GUTFELD: I thought that's what he meant, too. Bob and I are thinking alike.
BECKEL: I thought we were -- somehow or another, you could translate it, talk to the dead kid in the car. That would have been good.
GUTFELD: All right. Still ahead on "The Five," the NFL player who went AWOL over the Dolphins over alleged bullying by teammates does his first TV interview on the scandal. Jonathan Martin reveals what happened to him and whether he plans to ever play football again, next.
Greg was talking about dinner. An update on the wild NFL bullying story from a few months ago. Miami Dolphins' Richie Incognito was suspended earlier this season after one of his teammates claimed he harassed him.
Here's Incognito, caught on tape going bananas in a bar.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RICHIE INCOGNITO, SUSPENDED MIAMI DOLPHINS PLAYER: Who wants a (EXPLETIVE DELETED) piece? (EXPLETIVE DELETED)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: What a pleasant gentleman. Offensive lineman Jonathan Martin walked off the team in October after alleged repeated bullying by him and other members of the team. He spoke about it on television for the first time today.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JONATHAN MARTIN, FORMER DOLPHINS PLAYER: His comments, comments of a racial nature. You know, aggressive. Sexual comments related to my sister and my mother.
I had no problem with the normal hazing that you see in the NFL. You get a haircut, you know. Stuff like that, little pranks, but of a personal, you know, attacking nature, I don't think there's any place for that.
TONY DUNGY, FORMER FOOTBALL PLAYER AND COACH: Have you talked to anybody from the Dolphins since you left?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: What did you think, Eric?
BOLLING: Very quickly, Steven Ross is the majority owner of the Dolphins this morning was on, saying he'll make a decision on Incognito's future after the Super Bowl, but he didn't seem very tolerant of any of the stuff that was going on. I guess they're going to let him go as a free agent.
PERINO: Incognito might be gone-o.
BECKEL: Very good.
PERINO: I was trying to be...
GUTFELD: At least he isn't guano (ph).
PERINO: Here's what I want to tell you about. I think that Tony Dungy was the very best person to do that interview. Look at the setting.
It's warm and it's inviting. And you have -- Tony Dungy was not trying to, like -- he doesn't care about being on TV. He actually cares about Jonathan Martin, and it showed. I thought it was an absolutely perfect choice for an interview.
BECKEL: There you go. Greg.
GUTFELD: I think Incognito should run for Toronto mayor.
GUTFELD: What are you talking about?
PERINO: I'm trying to rhyme.
TANTAROS: I think it speaks to, as much of it is a failure for the Dolphins organization as it is for someone like Incognito, who was basically kicked off the Nebraska football team for bad behavior, so this guy is a total meathead, as it does for Jonathan Martin.
Sitting in silence, he supposedly said something to the organization, but they didn't do anything. But you don't just run away, I think. So I think there's plenty of blame to go around, but we don't know exactly what happened.
BECKEL: He can't -- he can't even look up and down the line and the entire NFL, the roster, he's a minority in the NFL as a white man. Also a loud, brash, disgusting, ridiculous fool who ought to be off the Dolphins.
He's not that good a player anyway.
"One More Thing" is right up next.
TANTAROS: It's time now for "One More Thing." Eric.
BOLLING: Oh, I'm first? OK. So one of the cool things about working at FOX, you bump into really cool people. This afternoon, I bumped into this guy right here, Mr. Terry Bradshaw, who just happens to be on our show on Friday. We're going to do a show from Super Bowl Boulevard. Do we have a pic? There it is. They built a studio, and we're going to be hosting this show right there at Super Bowl Boulevard. And Terry Bradshaw is going to join us this Friday.
TANTAROS: And I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail. And I'm going to wear flat shoes under the desk, yes.
GUTFELD: And I'm going to wear my leather chaps.
GUTFELD: Well, this time, it will be in public, Eric.
Banned phrase. Long time. "Small ball." It is not a medical condition. It means nothing of importance. So say, "That's nothing of importance." Don't say, "Small ball." Because it's somehow insulting to certain members of society who have to deal with certain issues every day.
TANTAROS: And it makes potatoes feel left out.
TANTAROS: Small potatoes. Dana.
PERINO: Right. You know that women are celebrated all the time in our media, in our politics. You heard it last night. And I'm all for women for good reason.
But I just wanted to take a moment to thank all the men in our lives, as well. Because today, I had to go for a routine mammogram, just a check.
And I got there, and in the lobby, there were about 13 men sitting there.
And they are husbands and dads or sons, and they were all there to help be very patient and very caring for all the women that were there. And I just thought that they deserved a little bit of thanks because they get very little from anywhere else.
BOLLING: Good. Nicely done.
TANTAROS: Very true. OK, so as the South is facing a deep freeze, nothing was going to stop weather man Jim Cantore from bringing the news report to his viewers. Watch what happened when someone tried to interfere.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JIM CANTORE, REPORTER: We have not gotten into the worst part of this storm yet. That is to come...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (SCREAMING)
CANTORE: ... a little bit later on tonight. So obviously, here at the college at Charleston, they're already having a good time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: Cat-like reflexes. Rick Reichmuth could never do such a thing.
GUTFELD: He would.
BECKEL: After several years of decline, divorce rates are on the increase now. And a new study shows it has a lot to do with the economy.
As the economy gets bad, people stay together because they have to share expenses. And when the economy gets better, they realize who actually they're sleeping next to.
GUTFELD: Oh, Bob.
TANTAROS: So you're saying Obama is helping marriage?
BECKEL: I'd say that's probably right (ph).
GUTFELD: And everybody is moving back home. So he really is a family president.
TANTAROS: He really is bringing the American family back together.
BECKEL: It's going up.
PERINO: His point is, divorce goes up, which means the economy is better. So yay, President Obama.
TANTAROS: I knew what he was trying to say.
Don't forget to set your DVR so you never miss an episode of "The Five." We'll see you back here tomorrow, and our Super Bowl show is Friday.
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