So the White House is ticked off at Fox News. So much so, they're saying bad things about us behind our back. Last night, after work, I found soiled underwear in my locker, and for once, it didn't belong to me. It was a novelty g-string, so I'm assuming it belongs to Robert Gibbs.

So why is this happening? I'll tell you.

The White House is focusing on Fox News because there's no one else around to mess with. I mean, aside from Rush, they got nobody. The Republicans are hanging back, somewhere, waiting for their moment, which may never come. The Dems, however, have everything — both Houses, the president, the media, a community of dimwitted Norwegians — but they can't get their crap together.

So, whose fault is it?

Fox News?

Yeah, we're the ones preventing Obama from closing Gitmo. We're the ones who can't settle on health care reform. We're the ones who flew to some odd country to grovel for the Olympics. We're the ones dawdling on Afghanistan. We're the ones who think wearing a burqa is a more important right for women, than freedom of speech.

Look, while this obsession is flattering, "Red Eye" knows why it's happening.

What Obama doesn't want is someone to debate, but, it's something he desperately needs. And that's why the White House and the moonfaced media focus on Fox News. We aren't elected officials, we're just the only target in the room.

But seriously, enough with the crank calls and slipping ex-lax in our Red Bull. America has real enemies out there: and they hate you as much as they hate us.

And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com