So, after their amazing analysis of "Saturday Night Live," CNN has now turned its goofy gaze toward talk radio — poking and prodding a phenomenon that also perturbed their panties.

In short: They just can't figure out why conservatives rule, while the left is left out.

According to CNN, some say talk radio is "viciously partisan" — without of course defining "some" as "CNN." They then turn to a shrink, who assesses the typical listener as though he were a rare breed of lizard that dines only on feces.

Here's Dr. Gail Saltz's inciteful take on Rush Limbaugh and his fans:


DR. GAIL SALTZ: He's essentially kind of operating like the bully. And, if you're on the playground, do you want to be the bully's, you know, under the bully's wing and go along with him and get, therefore, some power by proxy too? Or do you want to be, like, left out alone on the playground where, you know, who knows who is going to take you out?


See? Rush's popularity is all about bullying and his fans finds safety and security under the bully's protection in an otherwise friendless universe.

The solution? You could smell it coming: More access to liberal talk radio. Meaning: Forced access to liberal talk radio.

Now, I'm sorry, but I don't see a sign at the clubhouse saying "no liberal hosts." The only sign is from the public, who hates them.

Which explains Air America. Functioning like a jar of left-wing preserves, it was a time capsule of corrupt liberal thinking, circa 1977, and it failed miserably.

And then there's NPR, which needs government assistance to survive. Only left-wing radio needs welfare to stay afloat.

Still, CNN is right: Talk radio is about access. They just have it backwards. The reason why talk radio leans right isn't because radio limits access for the left. It's conservative because the rest of the media limits access from the right.

Other than Fox News, talk radio is the only place you can hear another point of view. But CNN can't deal with that. Like a whiny child who needs all the stuffed animals in the toy store, it won't rest until it has everything.

See, what it wants is a new kind of Fairness Doctrine, when what it really needs is a spanking.

And if you disagree with me, then you're probably a racist.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com