So, while watching the debates, I figured out why Obama is so popular and why Hilary isn't: Obama looks pretty and we love him. And Hilary looks constipated and you hate her.

In a nutshell: Obama is a stripper and Hilary is your wife.

Think about it: When you go to a strip club, you see the performer's best — and only — attributes. You see her curves and her implants, but you don't see her meth habit, her biker ex-boyfriend, the box of severed ears she keeps in her closet.

But with your wife, you see the good, the bad and the very bad. And this is why men prefer strippers to their wives.

But, once you leave your wife and date a stripper, you quickly find out that she's far worse than your wife. Your wife doesn't eat her own hair, for example.

If the elections were held now, Obama would win — which is essentially like marrying a stripper after spending a weekend with her in Vegas, doing lines off her butt. But, unlike that entirely made up scenario which definitely didn't happen to me in 1992 when I was living in my car, a quickie election can't be annulled. If you tie the knot with Obama, as shapely as he is, you're stuck with him for at least four years.

And that's why I recommend ditching both and voting for me. I promise a unicorn in every pot and a houseboy in every bed. And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.

And that’s my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com