Using Your Head While Using the Head

There's something to be said for a craze so pervasive it follows you into the can.

Sudoku fans can finally rest easy, because someone has given them a practical use for the pile of pesky puzzles that proved to be too problematic: flush 'em.

That's right, America's favorite number puzzle is now available as toilet paper, The New York Post reports.

The rolls — which can be purchased online — sell for between $8 and $15. Each has 240 sheets with a puzzle on every square.

First of All, I'd Like to Thank the Academy ...

LAURELDALE, Pa. (AP) — Here's quick thinking under the gun.

Eugene Kistler, 66, was doing yard work at his home in Laureldale in Berks County when three youths approached him, pulled a gun and demanded money.

Kistler suddenly clutched at his chest and collapsed to the ground.

Later, he told police he faked a heart attack to scare off the would-be robbers.

It apparently worked. The teenagers looked at each other and ran away.

Police say a neighbor saw it all and notified police, and the trio were soon nabbed. Police also confiscated a pellet gun.

One of the captured crooks was sent to a county youth center. The other two are being held in the Berks County Prison on $100,000 bail.

Your Mom Wanted to Name You 'Unspeakable Labor Pain'

HANOI, Vietnam (AP) — After nearly two decades of ridicule, a father has agreed to change his son's name from "Fined Six Thousand and Five Hundred" — the amount he was forced to pay in local currency for ignoring Vietnam's two-child policy.

Angry he was being fined for having a fifth child, Mai Xuan Can named his son Mai Phat Sau Nghin Ruoi after the amount he was forced to pay — 6,500 dong (50 cents), said Dai Cuong village chief Nguyen Huy Thuong.

In 1999, local government officials tried to persuade Can to change the name because the boy was constantly being teased by classmates at school. But Can, a former People's Committee official, refused to back down, Thuong said. They appealed to him again recently, and this time it worked.

"I told him that as his son is growing up, he should have another name — not that weird name — and he finally agreed," Thuong said.

The son, now 19, finally got a new name: Mai Hoang Long, which means golden dragon.

Thanks to Out There reader J. Walker.

It's Like an 'I'm With Stupid' Shirt, but Better

MISSOULA, Mont. (AP) — A man who lied to his probation officer about having served in the military was ordered to stand outside the courthouse wearing a sandwich board that says: "I am a liar. I am not a Marine."

William C. Horvath, 35, of Whitefish, pleaded guilty to making false statements, a felony.

U.S. District Judge Donald Molloy sentenced him to four months of house arrest and four years of probation. He also ordered him to stand outside the courthouse for 50 hours wearing the sandwich board with the message.

On the back, it must read: "I have never served my country. I have dishonored veterans of all wars."

Molloy, a veteran himself, also ordered Horvath to write letters of apology to newspapers, the U.S. Marine Corps, Veterans of Foreign Wars and the American Legion in Kalispell. The judge said Horvath must admit in the letters that he lied repeatedly about serving and being wounded.

According to a news release from the U.S. attorney's office, Horvath claimed during an interview with a probation officer on Aug. 9, 2001, that he had served in the Marine Corps. The officer was gathering information on Horvath on a prior charge of being a fugitive in possession of firearms or ammunition.

The probation officer then attempted to verify Horvath's military service, but was told by the Marine Corps that there was no record of Horvath ever having served.

Horvath then presented the probation officer with evidence of his time in the military, including photographs and decorations. However, Marine Corps representatives told the probation officer that the evidence contained a variety of inconsistencies.

One of the problems: He was wearing his uniform improperly.

Will Work for Weight Loss

COON RAPIDS, Minn. (AP) — A local man who has struggled to lose weight is hoping a lawn mower will help him shed between 30 and 50 pounds.

After working up quite a sweat mowing his own lawn this summer, Darrell Nelson thought that he could get a good workout by mowing lawns for other people as well. So, on the Web site Craig's List, he placed an ad offering to mow lawns for free.

He figures if he eats better and mows a lawn per day nearly every day of the week, he will be able to keep an exercise program going.

He said he has a hard time keeping commitments to himself, but he will stick to commitments he makes to others.

"This is no joke or gimmick," he wrote on the Web site. "I need to lose weight. I have struggled on sticking to exercise programs, including just walking, for quite a while now."

Nelson is a former power lifter who's about 5-foot-9 and 258 pounds. Since news of his ad spread, he has fielded calls from the media, strangers — even some women who have asked him out on dates.

"My life has been turned upside down, man, unbelievable," he said. "I was planning on doing five lawns: Mine plus four others. Now, I'm doing six lawns: Mine plus five others. ... I was just trying to do some yards and lose some weight, and it just — voila — away it went."

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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