Stories where Americans or people in the media — or mainly people in Washington — just aren't using their head:

Euros for Clunkers

Our "cash for clunkers" program — oh, it's doing so well with the whole fake increase in the car sales thing. It is incredible. It's only costing billions in taxpayer dollars and the great thing is we're also trashing cars that are perfectly drivable.

But there is one other great aspect of the plan that we can look forward to: fraud.

The Germans started their euros for Clunkers program back in February and now The Financial Times reports the German police trade union warns that criminals are buying tens of thousands of traded-in clunkers.


The clunkers were supposed to be scrapped and they weren't and now they're illegally being sold to Africa and Eastern Europe.

Eastern Europe? Who would have thought some crime might be happening there?

But don't worry, that's never going to happen here. Our government has a foolproof plan to ward off a fraud. On the Web site cars.gov, you can send an e-mail or you can call their 24-hour toll-free hotline if you suspect fraud.

Go Green With Fewer Kids!

But forget about "cash for clunkers." A much better way of improving your carbon footprint is by not having one. And the best way to leave no carbon footprint is to not exist.

Yes, in a study by Oregon statisticians called "Reproduction and the Carbon Legacies of Individuals," researchers found if you really want to be green you should have one less child.

Especially an American child.

In the United States the carbon legacy of a child is 20 times more important than other "green" things you can do, like driving a hybrid or using fluorescent light bulbs. Researchers point out the environmental impact of people varies greatly across borders. As the press release states, "the average long-term carbon impact of a child born in the U.S. — along with all of its descendants — is more than 160 times the impact of a child born in Bangladesh."

Apparently part of the reason we Americans hurt the Earth so much is we live longer and consume more.

Damn you, selfish Americans — with your eating and drinking and living.

The researchers point out they are not calling for a ban on children or a "one-child" law. They are just making people aware of the environmental consequences.

Health Care Town Hall

Speaking of kids, there is a story going around that Arkansas Democratic Representatives Mike Ross and Vic Snyder held a health care town hall Wednesday at the Arkansas Children's Hospital as a way to avoid getting yelled at.

How did that work out?


REP. VIC SNYDER, D-ARK.: I did not support a single-payer system. We are not interested are in a single-payer system.


SNYDER: We're not interested in expanding Medicare to the rest of the public. We don't support a single-payer system.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: But that's what Obama wants.

SNYDER: No, it's not what President Obama wants.



The Associated Press headline: "Arkansas Crowd Mocks Lawmakers Over Obama Health Plan" pretty much sums it up.

We spoke to Congressman Snyder; he says the meeting was set up last Friday and they chose the location because he knew people at the hospital that could arrange it at the last minute and as you can see, it didn't keep them from some "spirited debate."

We may not agree with the congressmen, but at least they were not hiding from their constituents.

Wine and Dine

But why mess with those annoying constituents who yell and ask questions when you can wine and dine your millionaire contributors? ThePolitico.com is reporting that Nancy Pelosi is planning just that next Friday.

Speaker Pelosi will reportedly hold a two-day issues conference where you can talk issues for two whole days with Nancy Pelosi. Yes, you can have dinner with her and about 170 guests on the back lawn of her multi-million dollar San Francisco home.

Oh, it's beautiful, I hear, especially this time of year. You know, she's just one of the little people. She's just like you. I'm sure she is going to have to wear a denim shirt and roll her sleeves up.

The next day, Pelosi and her 170 guests are all going to pile into a car and go to the Napa Valley winery designed by architect Frank Gehry.

To be fair, Democrats aren't the only ones tending to their wealthy donors. Last week, House Republican Eric Cantor took in over $1 million for Republicans at what has been called a "lobbyist-heavy fundraiser" in Washington.

But I wonder what it would be like if I went to the speaker's shindig?

Hello Speaker Pelosi! I just wanted to thank you for having me here to wine country. I know to be invited here I had to be a major Democratic donor or a longtime friend of yours. I look forward to the "policy discussions" you are supposed to lead on health care, energy reform and the economy.

Hey, is that Sean Penn over there?

I know it cost me more than $30,000 to get in here, but hey I think I see Rep. Ed Markey, author of the cap-and-trade bill! And is that White House adviser David Axelrod?

I wonder why people think it takes money and influence to get access? I mean we're all here. It's almost like Americans have forgotten how to "use their heads."

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