Stories where Americans or people in the media — or mainly people in Washington — just aren't using their head:

What Vote?

We begin in California. I know: surprise, surprise. You might not believe this story. It's even too crazy for California, but here we go.

They're trying to close their $26 billion budget shortfall. They voted on the latest budget deal, which included a proposal which would allow oil drilling off the coast of Santa Barbara.

Now, why would you do that?

The measure passed the state Senate and then moved to the assembly. On July 24, it was killed by a vote of 43 to 28. But then something very strange happened: The assembly voted to expunge the vote from the record. They erased who voted and how they voted, from the public record — apparently, because they didn't want anyone to know.

As Assemblyman Chuck DeVore, who sponsored the proposal said, "Certainly, George Orwell would be proud." But it was pretty strange to expunge the record. As DeVore pointed out, the whole thing was carried live on Cal Channel — which is kind of like an even more boring state version of C-Span.

The video was not posted on Cal Channel. We called to see where it is. They said, "Well, it takes about a week." We said, "Can you put it up faster than that?" "Well, it's a state-run arm. We'll try."

We haven't seen it yet. But it is coming or at least so they tell us.

I will tell you that we have something else they don't want you to see: Assemblyman DeVore got a copy of that vote before they deleted the record. He sent it to me. I've posted the list of the names of people in California, you know, that didn't absolutely vote — what vote?

Picture Worth 1,000 Words

Remember, last week's famous 'beer summit' with President Obama and the police officer and that good professor friend of his? Oh, I have a picture that's worth a billion words.

Did you see this picture? It was actually posted on the White House blog. This is a White House photo, walking to the Rose Garden, President Obama out in front, shoulders squared — look at me, I'm taking charge.

Meanwhile, his good friend, Professor Gates, walking with a cane — I can barely get down the steps.

Good thing, Police Sergeant James Crowley was there helping the president's friend.

Sarah Palin Derangement Syndrome

And you may have heard rumors about Sarah Palin, the former Alaska governor, reported in the news over the weekend. When will these people leave this family alone?

A Salon.com article compares Sarah Palin to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. They look an awful lot alike. I'm here to tell you get used to it. Sarah Palin is the former governor of Alaska and she is a target for the media because the media — and both parties — need to destroy her.

I will tell you this again and again and again: I really firmly believe the paradigm in this country is about to change. I think she — if she is who she says she is — is going to be part of that change.

They've said almost everything about her, what else could they possibly say? Oh, I've got it! In a new "Future Nooz" report — this just in from the future — we have learned today in the mainstream media breaking news that Sarah Palin is, in fact, the devil — also known as Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub.

Palin, the all-powerful evil and tempter of mankind, had this to say: "There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth," adding, "We shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord. And some will be bound hand and foot and taken away and cast into outer darkness."

She later said, "Others should have their part in the lake which burneth forever by fire and brimstone."

She then opened the bottomless pit and there arose a smoke out of the pit as the great smoke of a great furnace and the sun and the air were darkened by a reason of smoke in the pit.

In related news, Palin's husband Todd is, in fact, now the media has learned, a flesh-eating, vampire-zombie hybrid. Well, at least he's a hybrid. He roams the backcountry of Alaska, drinks the blood of innocent children, pausing only to club baby seals to death and shoot bears from helicopters.

He also stops from time to time to update Twitter and doubt man-made global warming. By the way, he does all of these things on a gas-guzzling snow machine.

True or false, America? Use your head. And that's your report.

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