A Scottish thief tried to siphon off someone else's diesel fuel — but ended up getting a mouthful of raw sewage instead.

John O'Hare, 73, and his wife May, 69, of Glasgow had spent a week touring Scotland in their camper van and had parked at their final stop just a few miles from home, reports the Scottish Daily Record.

While they were sound asleep, a thief crept up to their encampment with a plastic hose and fuel container, intending to poach some diesel.

He apparently stuck one end in his mouth in order to get the siphon going — and, in the darkness, the other end not into the van's fuel tank, but into its septic chamber.

The next morning, the O'Hares stepped outside to find on the ground: the plastic hose; the fuel container; the entire contents of the septic tank; and a puddle of human vomit.

"I hope the thief has learned from his experience and given up his evil ways," laughed John O'Hare to the newspaper on Sunday.

Also lying on the ground were several pound coins, which O'Hare thinks may have been robbed from a vending machine. He gave the money to charity.

"Fortunately for us," said O'Hare, "he was left with a nasty taste in his mouth."

— Thanks to Out There readers Staci-Jill S., Nancy H. and Ryan P.

Unwanted Houseguests Gassed, Still Won't Leave

VICTORVILLE, Calif. (AP) — A woman tried — and failed — to get rid of unwanted houseguests by gassing them.

A family friend introduced the 51-year-old woman and her boyfriend, 59, to two younger men, and they agreed to let them spend the night, investigators said. But the pair overstayed their welcome, refusing to leave for six weeks as they allegedly sold drugs from her apartment.

The woman finally decided to open her oven's natural gas line in hopes of driving them away. Even after filling the apartment with gas, however, the houseguests remained.

Firefighters were called early Monday morning, apparently by the woman, who was so sick from the fumes she had to be taken to the hospital, in tears all the way, paramedics said.

There was no explosion and no one was seriously hurt.

The woman, whose name wasn't released, told San Bernardino County (search) sheriff's deputies she wanted to drive away her unwanted guests, said Deputy Greg Myler.

"She said she just felt so desperate," Myler said of the woman and boyfriend. "For the last six weeks they were trying to get them out."

The couple told deputies they were too afraid of their houseguests to call the sheriff's department for help, Myler said.

Kevin Frye, 27, and Andrew King, 29, were arrested and booked for investigation of allegedly selling cocaine, Myler said. Deputies confiscated cocaine and cash during a search of the apartment.

— Thanks to Out There reader Don W.

Man Pulled Over For Drunk Driving — on Lawnmower

FAIRVIEW HEIGHTS, Ill. (AP) — When authorities warned Paul Schwarztrauber Jr. not to drink and drive, it may not have been entirely clear to him that the prohibition also applied to lawnmowers.

The 46-year-old was pulled over this week and charged with riding his lawnmower on a public street while intoxicated and with a revoked license.

Police said Schwarztrauber, who had two previous DUI convictions, had his 1-year-old daughter on his lap. He refused to stop and shouted obscenities when a patrol car arrived responding to complaint about a man driving a lawnmower erratically in the street, authorities said.

"He kept driving for a few moments. One of the officers then turned off the ignition," said Lt. David Fellows.

It is illegal to drive any motor vehicle while intoxicated and to drive one on a public road without a license, Fellows said.

Police in Fairview Heights, 10 miles southeast of St. Louis, gave Schwarztrauber a sobriety test and arrested him Monday. He remained jailed in St. Clair County on $50,000 bail Thursday. It wasn't immediately clear if he had an attorney.

Schwarztrauber was convicted of DUI in 1983 and 1990. In the 1983 case, he also was convicted of fleeing Illinois State Police, speeding, battery and illegally transporting alcohol.

Man Racks Up $28,000 Tab at Strip Club

NEW YORK (AP) — An insurance company executive is claiming some financial hanky-panky occurred during a visit to an upscale strip club that left him out $28,000.

Mitchell Blaser, 54, filed a lawsuit Wednesday claiming he was stripped of the money through bogus credit-card charges after a night out with two friends at the Manhattan topless club Scores (search).

A Scores spokesman denied the accusation, saying Blaser was spending "like a rock star" and the club's paperwork proves it. The tab for the evening included $16,000 for five bottles of top-of-the-line Champagne and $7,000 for lap dances.

Blaser, CFO for the American division of Swiss Reinsurance Co., said when he complained that the bill was wrong, club employees told him to sign or he would not get his credit card back.

Scores spokesman Lonnie Hanover said club employees checked with American Express several times during the night while Blaser was there to make sure that his line of credit permitted that kind of spending.

Hanover said American Express investigated Blaser's complaints in January. He said the credit-card company sent Scores a letter dated Jan. 22 confirming that the charges were legitimate.

Steve Dishart, a spokesman for Swiss Reinsurance, one of the world's largest insurers, said he couldn't comment because Blaser's lawsuit involves "a personal dispute."

Military Radios Jamming Garage-Door Openers

EGLIN AIR FORCE BASE, Fla. (AP) — A new military radio system is jamming remote-control garage doors in communities near this Florida Panhandle base.

During testing last week of the $5.5 million two-way radio system at Eglin, homeowners in Niceville, Valparaiso and the Crestview area reported that their garage door openers failed to work.

Air Force officials said Tuesday the contractor, Motorola Inc., will try to minimize the problem. Technicians will run the system at slightly different frequencies from those used by garage door openers when another test is conducted Friday through Monday.

"I want my garage door opener to work, too," said Col. Russell F. Miller, commander of the 96th Communication Group.

Lauren Van Wazer, a spokeswoman for the Federal Communication Commission (search), said if the Air Force has been running the system within its licensed frequencies — the Air Force said it has — then users of garage door openers may have to change theirs.

A similar radio system has been requested for Pensacola Naval Air Station (search) and other nearby installations, according to a Navy spokesman.

Students Arrested for Trying to Tape Teacher to Chair

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Five high school seniors in Missouri have been charged with assault for allegedly trying to tape a teacher to a chair.

The students, all 18 years old, apparently thought it was just a prank, but they now face possible jail time and fines.

The Platte County prosecutor on Tuesday charged Joseph L. Blankenship, Dexter Briscoe, Daniel M. Ikona and Matthew T. Mayfield, all of Kansas City, and Trevor Hachman, of Weatherby Lake, with third-degree assault, a misdemeanor. Each faces up to 15 days in jail and a $300 fine.

"Neither the teacher nor the students were hurt in this incident, but this was more than just a senior prank gone bad," Platt County Prosecutor Eric Zahnd said. "The fact that the students continued joking about the event, even after they were handcuffed and being led to jail, shows a distressing lack of respect for school and police authorities."

School officials barred all five from taking part in graduation ceremonies five days after the May 11 incident, said Nicole Kirby, a Park Hill School District spokeswoman.

Kirby said privacy laws prevent her from commenting about any other disciplinary actions against the student.

Court records say four of the students allegedly tried to restrain the teacher while Blankenship tried to tape him to the chair. The teacher got away before being taped and was not injured.

A Platte County sheriff's deputy who works as a resource officer at the school arrested the students after hearing about the incident.

Elephant Stomps Kid's Bike, Father Goes to Police

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) — The father of a 10-year-old boy filed a police complaint after a circus elephant trampled his child's bicycle, a police spokesman said Wednesday.

Dennis Horvath parked his bicycle close to the elephant compound at the Cirkus Mustang (search) in Finspaang, 110 miles southwest of the capital, Stockholm, Tuesday to watch as the circus came to town.

While he watched the parade, one of the elephants in the pen used his trunk to pick up the bicycle for a closer look and then dropped it on the ground and trampled it.

When circus officials said they weren't responsible for replacing it, Horvath's father, Gyula, filed a police complaint.

But police aren't sure how to classify the complaint.

"We don't really know if it's a crime at all," police spokesman Per-Aake Olsson told The Associated Press on Wednesday.

"We'll investigate and see if the circus has done anything wrong. It may simply be a case of insufficient supervision of an elephant," he said.

Compiled by Foxnews.com's Paul Wagenseil.

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