To help with the cost of Barack Obama's inauguration, celebrities like Sam Jackson, Halle Berry and my favorite, Sharon Stone, donated tons of cash. An expert on karma, Stone donated 50-grand — knowing that's the only way a crusty whack-job like her would be allowed outside a padded cell.
How do we know all this? Well, Obama's people posted the list online — in yet another noble example of transparency.
Transparency is a term for preemptive disclosure: By revealing troublesome information before it becomes a story, it effectively eliminates the story.
I mean, consider what would have happened during the campaign if a journalist had discovered that Obama regularly snorted coke through his young adulthood? It could have ruined him. Now imagine that journalist getting that story from Barack's own memoir.
See? No story.
Did I say its genius?
See, transparency pretends to be honesty, when it's really a "get out of jail free card."
Imagine yourself on a first date with a woman, who off the bat tells you she used to enjoy unseemly trysts with marsupials in group situations. The confession, however shocking, is seen as admirable because she's being honest or transparent. Then, if she gives you 10 strains of V.D., it's your fault — not hers.
That's why I hate transparency and wish I'd been using condoms.
And if you disagree, you sir are worse than Hitler.