So the economy looks like hell and it's kind of depressing, which is why I think we should remind ourselves that we still live in the greatest country in the world -- ever.
I know it's easy to forget, especially since we've been regularly told by our new president and his codependent media that we must do all things possible to repair our reputation worldwide. It's like the world is Jody Foster in "The Accused" and we are the drunk bar patrons. (FYI: Iraq is the pinball machine.)
But who have we've let down, really? Eurabia? Those wonderful secular humanists, the Chinese? Those delightful chaps raping goats in the mountains of Pakistan? (Side note: I do feel bad about all those false promises we made to Togo.)
Come on, even under evil Bush-Hitler, America has done more to help those in need than any place else -- ever. Sure, we've exported the undead like Madonna, but we've also rescued people from dictators and sent aid to victims of disaster and disease.
And seriously, when was the last time Venezuela offered the world anything other than contraband?
Japan? Pokemon and vending machine underwear.
France? Ambivalence and mimes.
England? Chris Martin.
Shall I go on?
Bottom line, the only country that thinks America is bad for the world is America, inside which exists a subset consisting of Associated Press editors, Arianna Huffington and bike messengers. It's a world that's wrinkly, smelly and has all the substance of an opium hallucination, but with plenty of gray ponytails.
So sorry world, we don't need Barack Obama to restore our country to your definition of greatness. We're already there. And, if you don't believe me, then stop trying to come here. Go somewhere else, like Paraguay. They may not be great, but they've got llamas.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.