DePaul students and faculty are up in hairy underarms over the denial of tenure to Melissa Bradshaw, a professor of women's and gender studies.

If you don't know what tenure is, it's a guaranteed lifetime job. And in case you don't know what "gender studies" is, it's horse poop.

So here we have an awesome collision of two idiotic practices: Tenure, which allows professors to pursue ideas that would fail in a world of measurable achievement, and gender studies, where earnest types angrily analyze the sexes, usually while wearing panties made from hemp.

Gender feminists believe being female is a social construct — internal sex organs be damned — and all life amounts to is a struggle between the powerless female against evil, patriarchal man.

In short, if I just said "moogie-bloogie-toogie," it would have made more sense.

See, gender studies is a racket. People only enroll in it to teach it. In that sense, it's a lot like joining Amway, but without the delightful products. And because gender studies doesn't help you do anything else but teach gender studies, no wonder tenure is so vital.

The sad thing is that the world really needs gender studies, but a real version. Men don't get women and women don't get men. Rather than spending so much time deconstructing power myths, we should be teaching the sexes how to play nice. Do that and you not only deserve tenure, but also some excellent toiletries.

If you'd like me to stop by, I have some anti-aging creams I'd love to show you. You'll like them so much, I bet you'll want to sell them yourself.

And if you disagree with me, then you're probably racist.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com