Britney the new Jessica, Beyonce keeps cashing in, Kristin Davis moves out of the shadows and Jacko's tantrum in today's Foxlight.

One Web site is my new hero. Gawker.com (search) has a petition begging MTV to pick a new couple for their reality newlywed show. Relax, no one wants to replace Nick and Jessica. They are the gold standard. Think of this as a spin-off of "The Beverly Hillbillies." What couple do they want to see on MTV? Oh yeah, Britney and Federboy. That assumes they actually make it down the aisle. Want to sign this noble effort? Stop playing online solitaire and head to Gawker toot sweet. You're not just doing it for yourself, you're doing it for all of us.

L'Oreal wants to pay Beyonce (search) close to $5 million to wash her hair with their product? All she has to do is agree to keep her locks in nice shape -- and her body the same way. Can I add a rider to the contract? She can never repeat the coiffure from that "Austin Powers" movie.

HBO wants to give one of the girls from "Sex and the City" her own spin-off show. Samantha? Sorry guys, it's Charlotte. Kristin Davis (search) is perfectly charming, but her own show? I hope it's good, but it could be the new "Arli$$."

Finally, Michael Jackson (search) wants the media to stop calling him "Wacko Jacko." Michael, believe me, we want to stop talking about you altogether. I'll start right now.