Sick to Your Stomach

Dear Friends of "FOX & Friends,"

We hope you had a great Easter weekend and now that you're bloated and smelling of baked ham, get ready to get up early each morning this week and be part of the "FOX & Friends" breakfast bunch. Gretchen Carlson, started the day with us in place of the vacationing E.D. Hill, who'll be back on Tuesday.

Of course if you're not in a good mood today, it could be that you worked over the weekend on your taxes and are nauseous and have a headache — you know, the same feeling you get after watching a Rob Schneider movie. You're not alone, millions of us worked on taxes, personally I completed my son's 1040EZ. In fact, I mentioned to the Secretary of Treasury John Snow, that according to our math, my son was entitled to a 12 cent refund. But would the IRS spend the manpower and money involved to cut my son a check that would cover half a local phone call?

"Probably not" was the general answer the Treasury Secretary gave me. Which means that at the end of the day, the federal government has 12 cents of my family's money that they won't returning. I guess that's all right, as long as it's applied to a worthwhile government project, like a $75 million study of the breeding habits of the cocker spaniel. That would be money well spent.

I also asked the secretary about a Los Angeles Times story today that said that "tens of thousands" of illegal aliens were reportedly filing federal income tax returns this year. They apparently want to make sure that if Congress allows illegals who've been in this country for more than two years to apply for citizenship, they're on record as being good upright and lawful illegals. But there's a problem with this whole scenario: While they may be in this country illegally, they can apply for and receive an "individual taxpayer identification number" through the Treasury Department. But when they combine ITIN with a usually fake Social Security number, aren't they committing TAX FRAUD? The secretary told me he had heard of a few people doing it, and they were looking into it, but it didn't sound like the huge surge of filers as The Times led readers to believe.

And then there was the story about how at Worthing Elementary School in Inglewood, California, during the day a few weeks ago when 40,000 Los Angeles area middle and high school students staged a walkout in support of immigration reform, the principal opened the district handbook to see what to do in the event of a potentially dangerous situation.

Principal Angie Marquez reading what the district manual said they should do, locked down the school. But this wasn't any ordinary lockdown, this was such a severe lockdown, some students were barred from using the restroom. But you know kids: When they've got to go, they've got to go. So teachers were instructed to have the kids pee in buckets inside the classroom. Naturally the kids were horrified and humiliated, and while some parents were upset, others were supportive, they preferred that the kids were safe, than in harm's way. As it turns out the principal had turned to the WRONG page in the district handbook. She'd meant to turn to the page about nearby civil demonstrations, instead she turned to the page on WHAT TO DO DURING A NUCLEAR ATTACK.


Have a great day. See you in the morning!

Steve "Duck and Cover" Doocy

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