Safety First for Britney Spears

Like you, I care about the way I look. Some might say that I am a fashion maven, but not anymore, friends, because fashion kills.

According to a new survey of 1,000 women, up to 67 percent report having a hairstyle that can block their vision while driving. Nearly half never tie their hair back, perhaps as a way to obscure the mark of the Devil. Because of this, nearly 60 percent take their hands off the wheel to push the hair off their face. Although it's hard to quantify how many people die from this, I imagine the numbers must be in the millions — perhaps billions — or maybe more!

Here again is more evidence that fashionistas don't care if people die, as long as they look stylish.

Even more, this redeems the only sane person on the planet: Britney Spears. She knew that while driving her children, hair shouldn't pose a danger, which is why she shaved her head. She martyred herself and her precious tresses and look how we mock her.

I think it's time that all women behave more like Britney and less like Bundchen and start pruning. Also, quit wearing underwear. Safety comes first and style — including underwear — should come second.

And third? Mimosas.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com