Rihanna-Brown: Stuck in Los Angeles | Kate Winslet Has Her Oscar Tickets | Joaquin’s Real Reason for Quitting Movies

Rihanna-Brown: Stuck in Los Angeles

Pop stars Chris Brown and Rihanna are stuck in Los Angeles, unable to leave for their respective homes.

It’s just like in the movies when the police say, don’t leave town.

And so the couple waits, in separate accommodations, to see if the police or district attorney need to do more questioning about their wild ride on Saturday night that left Rihanna bruised and beaten, and Brown the object of much derision.

A source says, "Can you believe that Chris hasn’t even issued an apology? Three days and nothing." Of course, a public apology might be thought of as admission of guilt. But still: Brown so far has not made wise decisions.

And just as a source has described a plausible scenario, I am told that reps from Jive Records, Chris’s label, are having trouble finding an outside agency to do spin control. They’ve been turned down by at least one major firm.

But what really happened on Saturday night to Rihanna and Chris Brown? How did they get into so much trouble?

Here’s the latest scenario in the Rihanna-Chris Brown saga.

Based on reports that bite marks were allegedly found on the pop songstress, and that the pair was traveling in a Lamborghini, here’s one way things could have gone down. I don’t watch "CSI" or any of those shows, really, but this makes sense.

According to one source, and fitting in with reports that Brown received either a text message or phone call on his cell phone that upset Rihanna, it makes sense that the petite singer may have raised her left hand or arm toward Brown in a moment of gesticulation.

Lamborghini’s have small cabins that are hard to maneuver in. Brown, who would have been driving, could have used his teeth as a weapon to defend himself against Rihanna’s flailing. Thus, the bite marks.

This simple explanation doesn’t sound bad, considering that otherwise Brown would be proven to be a vampire. Or a cannibal.

The flailing and biting, my source says, caused Brown to pull over. Both singers then jumped out of the car. Brown might have been incensed at this point, and began to hit Rihanna with his fists. Her screams may have caused him to panic and drive off, leaving the singer by herself. If it’s true that a neighbor heard her and called 911, then this depiction fits the story.

Kate Winslet Has Her Oscar Tickets

Kate Winslet is all set for the Academy Awards. She’s got tickets for her husband, parents, and best friend.

"I’ve always managed to get a few tickets," the six times nominee said with a laugh at a luncheon yesterday for her held at the Oak Room in the Plaza Hotel.

The Oak Room’s owners told her they’re so excited about her possible win for Best Actress that they’ll throw her a party when she gets back from Hollywood — either way.

Winslet, mother of two, has a lot of non celeb friends thanks to all the groups her kids belong to; she was off to a soccer game when the lunch concluded.

Among the guests: Gloria Steinem and New York Daily News Publisher Mort Zuckerman, who dated for a while twenty years ago. The weird thing is, neither of them looks any different.

Also on hand: actor Bob Balaban, comedian Sandra Bernhard, director James Toback, director Gary Winnick, producer Jean Doumanian, producer/casting director Bonnie Timmerman, and so on.

It was a lively crowd. I asked Bernhard, who was once pals with Madonna, if she’d "seen Jesus" — a reference to Madonna’s new boy toy with the religious name. They’re appearing in a provocative photo spread together in W Magazine.

"Aren’t you impressed that I get the question?" said Sandra, who in real life is quite charming. "My guess is, the pictures are the extent of it, knowing Madonna."

The pair are not so friendly these days. Bernhard does wear a red string from Kabbalah, but unlike Madonna, she is actually Jewish, so it’s okay. In fact, Bernhard’s 10 year old daughter is on the bas mitzvah track at their synagogue.

"I just like Kabbalah for the mysticism. But having paparazzi at your Shabbos services is a little much."

As for Winslet, she’s a pip. When she couldn’t wait to get into the ladies’ room at the Plaza, she headed right into the men’s — zipped past those unzipping, used a stall, and returned. No muss, no fuss. You have to like her.

Will she write a speech this time in case she wins the Oscar? "I did better at the BAFTAs," she said, recalling her Golden Globe impromptu speech where she called Angelina Jolie "the other one" among the nominees. Indeed, Winslet will be ready when called upon. But I expect she’ll say something for headlines the next day.

And here’s a little Oscar show headline: producers have "completely changed" the customary order of the awards according to a source. In addition to surprise presenters, no one but the producers themselves will know which award comes next. Turn the channel and you’ll possibly miss something or someone important!!

Joaquin’s Real Reason for Quitting Movies

You wonder why Joaquin Phoenix wants to leave the film business. Here’s the reason: he keeps making bad movies with director James Gray. Last night there was a secret premiere of "Two Lovers," a pretty awful film they made in 2007 and we saw in Cannes last May 2008. It’s finally being released. The headline from the premiere last year was that Gwyneth Paltrow bares a breast. If not for that, "Two Lovers" would be going straight to video.

The secret premiere was hosted by the non existent "Cinema Society," which gets sponsors to underwrite parties for really bad movies. Most Cinema Society movies are duds, but have stars in them. Defiance, Synecdoche, The Women, Battle in Seattle, The Duchess, Appaloosa, Elegy, Brideshead Revisited, Transsiberian, Finding Amanda, Last Chance Harvey — you could show all together and call it the Non Oscar Film Festival. They just showed Clive Owen in "The International." When Cinema Society does get the occasional Oscar film— like "The Wrestler." "Milk," or "Benjamin Button" — it’s only after someone like Peggy Siegal has screened it for tastemakers and Academy voters.

As for Joaquin: it’s been four years since he made "Walk the Line" with Jim Mangold and received an Oscar nomination. Since then he’s made the two Gray films including "We Own the Night," as well as Terry George’s flawed "Reservation Road." Maybe if he looked at scripts from great directors instead of shluffing off with mediocre material he could regain the momentum he had in "Gladiator" and "Signs."