Regis Philbin, May We Call a Friend?

Regis Philbin, may we call a friend?

Someone, anyone, who can help us figure out why stocks went down, even though the Senate gave a gotta-have rescue package the thumbs up?

Please, Regis. Help!

Lifeline, any line, now!

We've run out of answers, and politicians, excuses for a package they assumed would calm the beast.

But it hasn't. It didn't.

And let me tell you something, it won't.

And here's why.

Catering to a beast just invites more beastly behavior.

And the more you cater, the more beastly the behavior.

The markets have behaved like petulant children. screaming, and stomping their selling feet every time they don't get their way.

The House rejects what amounts to a bail out, they sell off.

So the Senate scrambles to get them what they want, and they still sell off.

And everyone, everyone is scared to death!

What do they want? What have we done wrong? How can we calm them? How can we make them happy?

Well here's a newsflash, Washington, and consider this a free lifeline, no need to call a friend.

Learn a new word. A word a lot of parents know well, but apparently you forgot.

That word is "no."

No, we're not going to give in to your ridiculous tantrums.

No, we're not going to pay you off, desperately hoping you'll stop selling off.

And no, we're not going to write a check for your screw-ups, praying you don't have one of your infamous meltdowns.

Trust me, Washington, they'll not like your sudden backbone, but we, the folks who pay you, will certainly appreciate it.

Because let me tell you something: Politicians led by the nose invariably get knocked in the ass.

So quit being asses.

Wall Street's got your tune.

And sadly Main Street's got your number.

Stand up for something.

Instead of looking like you could be rolled for anything.

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