So many friends, so little spine.

It may not have been the theme of this weeks episode of “The Hills”… but it should have been. If the old saying about guts is true, there will be no glory for anyone on this show.

I am of course referring to Audrina Patridge for getting back together with the horrid Justin Bobby. But Audrina’s hardly alone in her world of weak will.

Lauren Conrad, for example, felt incredibly betrayed a few weeks back when friend Stephanie Pratt dated her ex and tried to hide it. But apparently unless you spread sex tape rumors about the girl there’s not much you can do that she won’t forgive… or maybe she just forgets. Either way, despite learning that the Stephanie’s a double-crossing pathological liar, all it took was a trip to the fabric store before Lauren was back to being her B.F.F.

That still does Stephanie no good in the security department though. Also incapable of sticking up for herself, Stephanie is still eager to find someone to “protect” her from the infamous Brody Jenner. And since Lauren can’t even stick up for herself, she’s not the most reliable backer. So She Pratt recruits her boyfriend to play defense instead.

Or a boyfriend who says he going to anyway. Cameron certainly said a mouthful about it being unacceptable for anyone to talk down to his girlfriend and how he really wanted to see Brody so he could him aside and “talk to him” about respecting Steph. But for all the tough talk, as soon as Brody actually showed up our macho man caved like a fat guy in a doughnut shop and didn’t say a word.

But for all of Stephanie’s disappointment you can’t say she doesn’t deserve it — and not just because she’s dating a hobbit. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would realize that if you want respect from a bully YOU have to stand up to them, not sick your new boyfriend on them. More importantly, Brody’s not a bully! This whole image she’s created of her being a victim to his evil ways is absurd. The only reason Brody made her cry was because she asked him a question she knew she didn’t want to hear the answer to, and she got upset when he had the never to be honest (gasp!). Here’s a thought: if you don’t want Brody to talk about why he doesn’t like you, stop asking him why he doesn’t like you!

Stephanie doesn’t need a body guard she needs a muzzle.

With friends like these to set an example, it’s almost unfair to expect Audrina to resist the temptation of Justin’s sweet talk when he says things like “Ninety percent of my time with you is pretty right on,” and “I’ll pretty much always be here for you.”

Of course taking Justin Bobby back meant calling things off with cute Aussie surfer Cory Bohan. Which might have been a little more expected if Audrina hadn’t gushed about how she’d keep the stuffed koala he gave her forever, before then explaining that Cory was getting kicked to the curb asap. In true passive aggressive form Audrina went straight for the “our schedules are too crazy right now” excuse but Cory, bless his little spine, forced her to cut the crap, asking her bluntly, “what’s up with Justin?”

So with an honest answer and his backbone intact it looks like Cory’s off to find a girl that appreciates a guy who calls, compliments and showers, while Audrina returns to the evil clutches of JBob. If only she had a bodyguard.