Reality Check: Different Is Good on 'The Hills'

It was all about goodbyes on the Hills this week as Whitney Port prepared to leave her job, Stephanie Pratt broke things off with boyfriend Cameron Huston, and Lauren Conrad bid Laguna Beach a fond farewell.

But Lauren seems to have undergone some sort of trauma throughout her parents’ move because she’s suddenly obsessed with “homes.” The Laguna house apparently was her “home,” her parents new house will “never be her home,” and even if they make it really “homey” it still can’t be her “home home.” Her conclusion to all this deductive reasoning: “I think it’s time to make my own home my home.”

I think it’s time someone make a drinking game out of this.

Lauren then went to check out Audrina’s new pad, and of course exclaimed, "It's going to be … like … your home!" It would have been awesome if Audrina responded by taking a shot then saying something crafty like, “No, you twit, it’s not ‘like’ my home, it IS my home, as opposed to that barn you used to keep me in behind yours.” Instead she came out with: “It's kind of … like … growing up."

I give up.

I’m officially throwing in the towel on Stephanie, too, after listening her complain to her brother about her boyfriend because, “He’ll be nice and then two days later it will all change again…He’s like, ‘I always drive to your house.’” Spencer of course goes off about how Cameron’s not worth her time if he can’t drive 15 minutes to see her and wonders why she’s even sad. But all I’m left wondering is if Stephanie has a license? If the issue is that Cameron is always driving to her house and not getting the same in return isn’t she the one who’s refusing to make the 15-minute drive?

More importantly why would anyone even walk 15 seconds to see her? The only friend she had was forced on her by an art class and MTV producers, and she still managed to screw that up. And you’d think after noticing that she doesn’t have anyone better to talk to besides a brother who blatantly hates her, Stephanie would realize that maybe she’s the problem here. But in usual Pratt style that is a completely foreign concept to her. Instead she nods in agreement, tells Spencer she’s going to break up with Cameron, then brings the hobbit along for dinner with Spencer and Heidi without telling them ahead of time. Smart.

Stephanie does eventually break up with Cameron, but even after spending WAY more time on this storyline than it ever deserved… we still don’t know why. First she told Cameron, “I don’t know how much there is good in what we had.” Then she said it was “the happiest relationship” she’s ever been in. Finally, she concluded, “I deserve better than this …I just want a guy that makes me happy.” Huh? There is something seriously wrong with this girl, and I’m not just talking about her busted, orange, oversized t-shirt.

Over in the land of fitting fashion, Whitney and her stilettos headed to see her "dream boy” and interview for her “dream job," which secretly made me wish that I had cameras following me around 24-7. Sure there’s that whole no-privacy thing, but if there’s a world where you can get a top job at a top fashion company with nothing but an internship and less than a year in an entry-level position, or you can ditch your boss in Vegas AND get wasted at work before you’re forced to give up your office, I want in — just throwing it out there.

In the meantime, we’re stuck watching Whitney as she conquers the world and sexually frustrates Australian men who loiter outside fashion buildings to see her and don’t even get a good make-out session in return – not enough XOXO’s?

But Jay has nothing to worry about. Whitney’s big goodbye to Lauren and “The Hills,” is really a big hello to him and “The City.” And given the story lines on “The Hills” lately, he’s not the only one happy to hear that “things could be … like … different.”