"Bunny" and "Schnugems" are breaking up. You don't know them, but they're getting a divorce. They're friends of mine and they're about the last couple in the world I thought would break up.
They were big on public shows of affection — I mean, really big. Touching each other. Hugging each other. Constantly holding hands.
But you know what I really remember? The way they talked:
"Are you gonna eat that, my wittle-wheat-thin?"
Yeah, the dude actually said that. And here's what she said:
"I'll be happy to share with you, my coochie-koo!"
I kid you not.
Between the "sweet cakes" and "woozie-woozie" — yeah, that one I could never figure out — they seemed destined for a lifetime of bubbly bliss and ridiculously obnoxious oodling.
But something, somewhere, somehow went wrong. I heard through a friend, they're done — finished.
Maybe they just got sick of the talk.
Maybe they just got tired of the public affection.
Maybe — maybe — they got tired of proving to the world what they couldn't reconcile themselves.
I don't know. This much I do: You cannot judge how solid a couple is based on what they say to each other or even if they touch each other — in public, I mean.
Nothing profound, save this: It takes a lot more than woozie-woozie to make a lifetime of happy-happy.
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