Perfect Storm: Is Global Warming Racist?

It may be the progressive equivalent of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup — where two great tastes like peanut butter and chocolate collide into one amazing feast for the senses. I'm referring to a paper published recently claiming global warming is racist.

Call it the nexus of outrage — the perfect plank to exert one's own heightened sensitivity until the rest of us puke through our nostrils.

Still, it's true. Global warming does raise temperatures and who does that hurt most? Minority groups who probably own smaller, less expensive air conditioners. While rich white fat cats drive around in air-cooled, gold-plated limos immune to the searing outside heat caused in part by sorrow of the homeless, the rest of us must settle with a small breeze created by a pair of swinging oversized fuzzy dice hanging from a rearview.

So, blacks make up 13 percent of the U.S. population, yet emit 20 percent less greenhouse gases than us crackers. Also, they're much more vulnerable to climate change consequences like storms, floods and films featuring Al Gore. They also fall victim to higher energy bills and recessions, none of which have anything to do with global warming, but so what.

Look, even if the panic merchants are right about global warming (and they aren't), humans are still only a tiny bit to blame for global warming. The real culprit is the sun, whose own climate determines everything that happens here.

Yes, it's true. The sun is racist. I'd like to see Al Sharpton boycott that.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com