So President Obama's nominee for surgeon general has a dirty past, one so lurid it has many concerned experts wringing their hands in a typical hand-wringing fashion.
What might this skeleton in Dr. Regina Benjamin's closet be?
Did she run a meth lab out of her camper?
Were the children running the meth lab lacking health insurance?
Did she use the proceeds from this meth lab to fund the world's largest puppy mill?
And was the puppy mill actually a puppy buffet for a white power group?
No, what she did was far worse: She worked part-time for Burger King as a scientific adviser.
Predictably, nutritional experts claim that nominating a doctor who worked for Burger King is a horrible conflict of interest; that someone in charge of public health should not be in the business of selling evil fast food. I mean, it's like hiring the shoe bomber to manage a Footlocker.
The fact is, from a public health perspective, fast food restaurants like Burger King and McDonald's have done far more to help people than harm them. The fat-bottom line: People in America and around the world aren't dying from malnutrition because places like B.K. have made food fresh, cheap and simple to prepare.
Seriously, where ever you find a fast food restaurant, you'll find fat kids, but not starving ones.
But in this easy age of value-free moralism, experts are more inclined to demonize Ronald McDonald than Robert Mugabe. Granted, that clown makeup is kind of scary. Which is why I always ask him to remove it before we go to bed.