So, according to new crap from the kinky folks at the American Psychological Association, the economy is causing a lot of stress, which forces us to fry our brains with drugs, booze and frog spit.

But like every one of these stupid studies, these experts tell us that it's the women who get it the worst.

Yep, 84 percent of ladies are stressed out about the economy, compared with just 75 percent of dudes. I'm sure if the APA had more grant money, it would have also shown that Samoan hermaphrodites suffer the most. Or Serns for short.

What gasbaggery.

Fact: in every study, women report being more stressed than men about everything because they're women. Maybe they report being more anxious because they're more honest about it, or maybe they're just more prone to stress. Either way, blah, blah and blah.

Face it: men are getting way more screwed in the economy, but were less likely to moan about it because we're too busy getting drunk or killing ourselves.

Which brings me to this conclusion: that we all turn to drugs and booze because of a bad economy. This could be easily debunked if you just reverse our current situation.

Imagine if the economy is doing great. Then the same researchers would say, "Financial success leads to more drinking and drugging because good times lead to regular celebration."

See, researchers are no different than us. They'll do or say anything to make a buck. After all, how else are they going to pay for the crank?

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com