A note to all defendants: Wear pants at your trial.

Larry E. Kelley Jr. appeared before a Pittsburgh judge wearing only dark-blue boxers and white socks Monday morning to tell him he didn't want to appear at trial, according to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.

"This may be at least a county record for speed of a trial," Judge Steve P. Leskinen told the Tribune-Review.

Jurors never even saw Kelley, 36, in the courtroom and took only five minutes to convict him for the theft of $38,465 in leased property.

The underpants-clad defendant was one of two to protest a Monday court appearance.

Philadelphia resident Robert Bailey, 33, smudged feces all over himself in an effort to keep Fayette County Prison officials from laying a hand him.

After cleaning up, Bailey pleaded guilty to charges relating to a May 17 incident in which cops found him asleep in a stolen 1990 Chevrolet Cavalier.

— Thanks to Out There reader Mike C.

Escaped Convict Drops In on Cop's Home

An off-duty Gainesville, Mo., cop on Tuesday apprehended 18-year-old Walter Baker, who had escaped from the jail's recreation yard, after the fugitive ran through the officer's yard, according to The Baxter Bulletin.

"I just got the call and was putting on my stuff when I opened the door, and there he was," Officer Anton Zielinski told The Bulletin. "I ran out the door and ordered him to get on the ground."

Police nabbed 26-year-old Jeffrey Brooke, who had escaped with Baker, just hours later. Cops apprehended both escapees less than a mile from the jail.

Zielinski told The Bulletin that he hopes future escapees learn a lesson from Baker.

"If you escape, it's not very brilliant to come to my house," Zielinski told the paper.

"These guys really are dumb crooks," he said.

The not-so-great escapees will be charged with felony escape charges, police said.

— Thanks to Out There reader Sean B.

This Scavenger Hunt Stinks!

FRUITPORT TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — A man on a scavenger hunt entered a police station hoping to get a photo of an officer eating a doughnut. Instead he was thrown in jail.

Officers Bryan Rypstra and Jon Durell heard a knock at the station's back door Saturday evening. A man and a woman said they were on a scavenger hunt with another woman who had gone to a nearby store to buy a doughnut.

"Part of the scavenger hunt was to get a picture of a cop eating a doughnut. They wanted to know if one of the officers would be willing to get their picture taken," police chief Paul Smutz told The Muskegon Chronicle.

The officers planned to play along, and they chatted with the man and woman while waiting for the doughnut run. The man, Louis Jasick, recognized Rypstra, a high school classmate.

Durell then remembered seeing Jasick's name on a flier that had been posted in the station only a day earlier. Jasick was wanted on two felony warrants for failing to pay $5,000 in child support.

Jasick was listed as a flight risk, so the officers invited him inside and arrested him.

Jasick, 34, a resident of the Muskegon County township, was arraigned Monday in 60th District Court and released on two $2,000 bonds, one for each count.

— Thanks to Out There readers Shane M. and Beth M.

Stop Being Such a Wimp, Mr. Bank Robber

PITTSBURGH (AP) — A man who allegedly robbed a bank of $1,100 Monday made it easy on police.

Authorities said that just minutes after Andre M. Ellis, 39, robbed an ESB Bank in Ambridge, Beaver County, they caught him standing in front of the bank trying to return the money.

"He felt bad about it, so he tried to do the right thing," said Ambridge police Chief David Sabol. "I've never seen anything like it."

The heist didn't appear to be the work of a hardened bank robber.

According to police, Ellis walked into the bank just before 10 a.m. and slipped a teller a note asking for money. It also asked for God's forgiveness and said he wouldn't be robbing a bank if he wasn't in trouble, police said.

After Ellis left, bank employees called authorities, who fanned out across the area to look for him. Within minutes, an assisting officer from Harmony Township called Ambridge police to say the suspect was standing outside the bank.

He had been knocking on the now-locked bank's windows, trying to get employees' attention.

Ellis, of Ambridge, was charged with robbery, theft and receiving stolen property. He was jailed after failing to post $100,000 bond.

— Thanks to Out There readers Michelle P., Mike C., Michael Y. and Matthew I.

Well It's a' One for the Money ...

LAS VEGAS (AP) — A retired Elvis Presley impersonator helped police nab a man suspected of stealing more than $300,000 worth of memorabilia from the Elvis-A-Rama museum, authorities said Wednesday.

Duke Adams, a 62-year-old "older-era Elvis," said he was approached while in line at a pharmacy by a man offering to sell him items once owned by Presley, including jewelry, clothing and The King's revolver.

Remembering the March 2004 burglary, Adams said he asked the man to stop by his business the next day. Adams went home and called police.

Authorities arrested Eliab Aguilar last week after the Las Vegas man brought all but one of the stolen items to Adams' employment agency, police said.

"He'd laid it all out on the table. It couldn't have been handed to me more clearly," said Detective Kelli Hickle, who's been on the case since thieves backed a stolen tow truck into the museum, used the vehicle's hook to lift an overhead door and heisted the loot in a matter of minutes.

Aguilar was charged with burglary, grand larceny auto, possession of stolen property and possession of a stolen firearm, Hickle said. She did not release information on any other suspects.

Among the items recovered were a 41-carat ruby-and-diamond ring worth $77,000, a $65,000 gold-and-onyx medallion that spells "Elvis" in diamonds, and a gold-plated Smith & Wesson .38 special.

— Thanks to Out There reader Beth M.

— Click in the photo box above to see a picture of the hero Elvis.

Nice BB Gun, Nerd, Now Run Away

SOMERSET, Pa. (AP) — A convenience store clerk was able to thwart a robbery because he knew the difference between a real gun and a pellet gun.

A man in dark clothing entered the SFC Mini Mart around 7:45 p.m. Tuesday, pointed a silver-and-black gun at a clerk and demanded money, police said.

But another store clerk, Roger Most, recognized the weapon and asked: "What are you going to do with a pellet gun?"

The masked man quickly ran out of the store empty handed.

"I knew it was only a pellet gun," Most said later. "I have one like it."

Somerset convenience stores haven't been easy marks for robbers of late.

In May a knife-wielding man tried to rob the Sheetz convenience store across the street from the SFC, but he only managed to anger the Sheetz clerk who threw a credit-card scanner at him, causing the robber to flee.

— Thanks to Out There reader Mike C.

Wake Up, You're Under Arrest

MERRIMACK, N.H. (AP) — Police say a 19-year-old convenience store clerk fell asleep on two jobs this week: minding the store and selling drugs.

Sammer Gandhi of Nashua was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute after two Merrimack police officers found him sleeping in the store's office with a quarter-pound of marijuana.

It happened late Monday at a 7-Eleven store after a customer called police to report no one was in the store.

Police searched the building and say they found Gandhi sleeping in a back office, with a big bag of pot, a scale and a smaller bag of pot. They say he was packaging the marijuana for resale.

— Thanks to Out There readers Kevin D., Beth M. and Donna S.

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Andrew Hard.

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