Joe Klein to America: You're Stupid

A posting by Time Magazine's Joe Klein caught my eye yesterday. Essentially, he said you're stupid.

Now, Joe knows. Not only did Joe attend an Ivy League school, the University of Pennsylvania — OK, yes, that's probably the trailer park of the Ivy League, but still it is, technically, Ivy League... so it would be like a double-wide trailer — but not only did he attend Penn, he's also a member of the CFR, the Council on Foreign Relations.

CFR is an institution that originated from a group of academics and professionals who participated in the so-called Inquiry in Paris. They sought to offer advice to the progressive, Woodrow Wilson. Among its members: Walter Lippmann, who founded a socialist club in college and whose ideas were influential in crafting the Treaty of Versailles. And, according to Joseph Goebbels, the people who taught the Nazis everything they needed to know about propaganda were the progressives.

Now, why are you stupid according to Time's Joe Klein? Well for one thing, you don't think the stimulus money was well-spent. I know, you're a moron, right?

But Joe corrected your incredible stupidity on that issue. Here's what he said: "Absolutely amazing poll results from CNN today about the $787 stimulus package: Nearly three out of four Americans think the money has been wasted. On second thought, they may be right: It's been wasted on them. Indeed, the largest single item in the package — $288 billion — is tax relief for 95 percent of the American public. This money is that magical $60 to $80 per month you've been finding in your paycheck since last spring. Not a life-changing amount, but helpful in paying the bills."

Not life changing? No kidding. And the thing is, Joe, not only is it not life changing, but around 15 million people may find out on April 15 that they have to pay back some — or all — of that "magic" money they got from Obama.

But Joe wasn't finished showing how important and smart he is and how silly and stupid we are: "The next highest amount was $275 billion in grants and loans to states. This is why your child's teacher wasn't laid off... and why the fire station has remained open, and why you're not paying even higher state and local taxes to close the local budget hole."

I guess Joe knows that all of our teachers were about to be laid off? Maybe all of the nation's school superintendents report directly to Joe Klein at Time Magazine?

However he found out, Joe, of course, is exactly right, that's just what we'd make our first cuts — our children's teachers — because we couldn't care less about their education. Obviously, that's how we all got so dumb. And then bam! Dump the fire department so all our homes burn to the ground.

But Joe, I'd be disappointed if you didn't throw in the fact that every last police officer would have been fired! If not for the stimulus money, they'd all be gone. And, we'd have locked up your garbage man and killed your mailman because not only can't we afford their salaries, we can't even afford to feed them anymore.

I'm sure glad that Time had Joe Klein — who I'm sure is so much like the working man that he enjoys a nice Chateau Briand as an afternoon snack — I'm glad he reminded us how teachers are always the first to go; that's just who we are.

You couldn't possibly cut any of the programs we're currently dumping stupid money into. There's not a single frivolous welfare program or ACORN fund we could cut? There's absolutely no fraud going on at all with any of our social engineering programs? Wow, what an efficient machine big government is, huh Joe?

And you know we haven't wasted a cent of the stimulus money we've spent so far, either.

For instance: The Florida Department of Transportation received $3.4 million to create an "eco-passage," which is an underground tunnel for turtles and other wildlife in Lake Jackson, Florida, along U.S. 27. That's smart, essential spending and if you don't think so you're too stupid to understand good fiscal policy or turtle tunnels, you state school, tech college dropout, you. Go ahead and condone the continuing turtle-o-cide that's been happening in Florida!

Oh and the $650 million for digital TV upgrades? Don't even start with me — that was brilliant and necessary. Digital TV is a God-given right for every American and we all know it.

Then there was the $3.4 billion "carbon capturing contest." I think that was hosted by Howie Mandel and featured 30 leggy spokes-models in miniskirts holding suitcases.

Plus, only the most idiotic of people think that Montana's state-run liquor warehouse didn't need $2.2 million skylights. Do you know how dark it was in the French wine section before that installation? How is someone like Joe Klein to decide "should I have the 1787 Chateau Lefitte-Rothschild or the 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild?" I mean 1787 was an ample rainy year, but in '45 the grapes survived some slight over-cropping to become opulent, yet not overly ostentatious.

This much I do know: You can't decide between the two with bad lighting, and now there is so much natural light over the Cabernet Sauvignon, it's beautiful. Or, as sophisticates like Joe say, "It has added a certain... je ne sais quoi." You, on the other hand: Let them drink box wine! Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill for all of them!

So, domestic discretionary spending increased double digits from 2008 to 2009 and now they're going to freeze spending? What a savings that is.

But we also know that we can't participate in the process when these elites won't even talk to us in the town hall meetings. It's also difficult for the citizenry to know what's going on, when promises of broadcasting the debate of these bills on C-SPAN have been broken; when bills are supposed to be put up on the Internet to study for five days and when everyone with an alternate point of view is supposed to have caused the problem, so they're told to sit down, shut up, and just let them mop up the mess:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: I don't want the folks who created the mess to do a lot of talking. I want them to get out of the way so we can clean up the mess. I don't mind cleaning up after them, but don't do a lot of talking.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

Mr. Elite, Joe Klein, finished his assessment of the American people this way: "The Obama administration has done a terrible job explaining the stimulus package to the American people... especially since there have been very few documented cases of waste so far."

Very few? Joe, pick up a newspaper for the sweet love of heaven. Researchers at the Franklin Center for Government and Public Integrity found 440 "phantom districts" listed on recovery.gov, consuming $6.4 billion and "creating or saving" nearly 30,000 jobs. Maybe in the fancy-pants wine section, $6.4 billion is "very few," but to us stupid Americans — who can't fathom the complexities of a Cabernet Sauvignon and may even confuse it with a Bordeaux (I'm sure Joe is chortling at the very thought just now) — it seems like a lot.

But also, Joe said: "This is yet further evidence that Americans are flagrantly ill-informed... and, for those watching Fox News, misinformed."

You would think that these Harvard-educated sophisticates could come up with something other than another Fox bash-fest; a network that only has more viewers than all other cable news networks combined and sometimes double that number. That's a lot of stupid, misinformed people — maybe we should liquidate them?

After sipping, swirling and spitting another taste of his Chateau Frenchy French from 1861, Joe added: "It is very difficult to have a democracy without citizens. It is impossible to be a citizen if you don't make an effort to understand the most basic activities of your government."

Joe, here's a basic that you apparently don't understand. We are not a democracy; we are a republic. And the Founders put those first three words in the Constitution in that really big font for a reason — as dumb as we may be — "we the people" still run this country. And Founders like Thomas Jefferson knew the people would make mistakes — usually when the government got too big and out of control and the politicians would figure out they could bribe their way into more power.

But time and time again, the Founders also said, even if they make a mistake the people will eventually figure it out and fix it. Maybe they were wrong — probably because they didn't have Time Magazine, a publication so brilliant that they found a way to show 2009, the year in pictures, without having a single picture of a tea party-goer or town hall meeting.

How they overlooked that I don't know. I'll leave it to the deep-thinking intellectuals who got us into this mess in the first place. Because Joe, this dummy would like to point out that it wasn't the little people driving trucks who were running the Fed, Congress or Goldman Sachs. Those are your friends, generally Ivy League pinheads.

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