You know, I do prattle on a lot about the French, but sometimes they make it almost too easy.

I mean, did you hear the latest one?

French President Chirac ripping -- and I mean ripping -- Eastern European nations who signed letters last month, backing the U.S. position on Iraq.

Chirac said, "it is not really responsible behavior. It is not well brought up behavior."

But here's the kicker I like. His last little snit -- again I quote, "they missed a good opportunity to keep quiet."

All right, Jacques, let me see if I've got this right. It's perfectly all right to hear from countries that support your do-no-harm view on Iraq. But god forbid one of these lesser members speaks out, and it's a sin.

You pathetic political twerp. You think you're better than Poland, or Hungary, or Romania, or Bulgaria, or the Czech Republic? They have no right to air views that dare conflict with your own?

I think a lot of those guys know what it's like to be under totalitarian regimes. They know what ogres can do. I would think you would too. But enough of me, back to you, you sniveling back-stabbing phony.

Now, you're threatening these countries' entry into your elite club, the European Union? What's the matter? Afraid you might be losing your influence? Or just afraid your new partners might come to realize you never had any to begin with?

It's amazing. You scold us for being hostile to criticism; yet you can't deal with it in your own backyard.

Jacques, you say you're full of hope for peace. I say, you're full of crepe.

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