It's Easy to Romanticize Socialism

A new poll just came out, reporting that a third of Americans viewed socialism positively. That's a lot of people, if you could call them that.

But I'm not surprised. Think about it: Since when has socialism ever been accurately portrayed in American pop culture? I've never seen it covered in "Facts of Life" and I've watched every episode. And that lefty noise bucket Rage Against the Machine never really explained how they spent their millions. I'm guessing it's not just on Rogaine and trucker hats.

Fact is no one ever explains what socialism is. When someone says, "Hey, my brother is a socialist," they never follow it with, "You know, that ideology that helped kill millions." No instead it's, "He recycles sex toys for the homeless. God, he's so caring."

See, you can romanticize socialism, because it's a big fat exaggeration of "sharing." As kids, we were always told to share. If you had twenty Playboys under your bed, surely you could give one to Billy, who has none. Socialism added lotion to this notion: that it's just not right for you to have a lot, when others have so little. Never mind that you've earned your share, while the others sit around watching "Judge Judy" in their mesh thong — (sorry Bill).

Face it: Socialism is government forcing you to share your stuff with jerks. So the only way to expose this fraud, is to start young. The next time your son mows the lawn, don't pay him. Tell him you're going to "spread it around," to quote our president. Yep, even though Tommy did all the work, there are kids down the block who deserve that cash just as much.

Now, if your kid goes for this, you have full permission to send him to me. I see houseboy written all over him.

And if you disagree with me, you probably chafe yourself to Chomsky.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com