'Indiana Jones and the Curse of Harrison Ford's Stupid Earring'

There's been a lot of talk about the new "Indiana Jones" flick and how awful it's supposed to be.

Much of the criticism is focused on Harrison Ford and it is eerily similar to the kind of stuff leveled at Sen. John McCain — that it's time to lose the chaps, cowboy, you're too old for the job.

This ageist thinking is wrong. See, this is not an issue about getting old, but about acting your age.

The real difference between McCain and Ford isn't the six-year gap between them, it's the earring -- Ford's, not McCain's, of course.

You see, the real reason why Harrison Ford isn't cool any more isn't because he's reached the age for a mobility scooter, but that when he reached it, he inserted an earring into one of his flabby lobes.

And this is why his new flick should be called "Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Stupid Earring," because ever since he got that stud, all of his movies blow.

"What Lies Beneath"?

"Firewall"?

"Hollywood Homicide"?

"Random Hearts"?

"Six Days, Seven Nights"?

I think I'm going to puke just thinking about that last one.

Bottom line: Getting an earring at that age is a sign that you're scared of aging and frightened of that hot chicks won't like you anymore. It's why I like John McCain — a man who seems very comfortable being 71, while also being able to kick my ass.

And I'd let him too. For reasons I can't get into here.

And if you disagree with me, then you're probably bad in bed.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com