I'm Not Dead Yet

For a corpse, this guy looks pretty good.

An unfortunate Malaysian man has been living a Monty Python gag for four years: The government says he has expired, but he insists he is decidedly not dead ... yet.

According to the state's records, Minggu Mang succumbed to head injuries on Jan. 18, 2002, and was subsequently buried, Saga-AFP reports.

But Mr. Mang begs to differ — big time.

"Please help me to convince the authorities concerned that I am not dead. I am very much alive," he told the state news agency. "The going has been very tough, very stressful since I was officially certified dead by the Nyalau Hospital in Bintulu four years ago."

It seems being the undead is no laughing matter.

Not only can Mang not find employment — one assumes this is because the work ethic of the deceased leaves something to be desired — but all of his records have been deleted from the books since he was certified as officially nonexistent.

"Now I am the living dead as I cannot work," he said.

Mang says he knows the authorities are doing all they can, but he has a life to live — sort of.

Beats What I Caught on My Last Trip

ARANSAS PASS, Texas (AP) — A message in a bottle discovered by an Ingleside man is turning into his honeymoon trip to the Cayman Islands.

John Reed was fishing on a beach at Aransas Pass in 2003 when he found an old rum bottle that was sealed.

Documents inside said the bottle was one of 12 tossed into the ocean in 1987 off Grand Cayman Island in a promotion for a rum maker, a resort and the Cayman Islands.

Inside were free certificates for a plane ticket, a stay at a hotel resort and some rum.

Reed, a policeman, gave the documents to his parents as a present, but they eventually returned them to him as he plans to get married July 21.

A Tortuga Rum spokeswoman says Reed will get two round trip airline tickets on Cayman Airways to Grand Cayman Island, a six-day stay at the Sunset House Resort — and a case of rum.

Seven of the original 12 promotional bottles have yet to be redeemed.

James Taylor: Wussifying Your Boyfriend Since 1968

NEW YORK (AP) — Blender Magazine is challenging the manliness of Boyz II Men.

The Philly group is No. 4 on the magazine's list of the top "25 Biggest Wusses ... Ever."

It lists the boy band's wussiest moment as their hit song "On Bended Knee." The magazine says the tune "singlehandedly set men back at least ten years."

There's also no love for Babyface, who places eighth. He was slammed for writing the soundtrack for the chick flick "Waiting to Exhale."

Hip-hop hippie Common places 18th. He's described as an "incense burning, crocheted-scarf-wearing vegetarian."

Singer James Taylor tops the wuss list.

Talk About Letting Your Money Work for You

SWARTZ CREEK, Mich. (AP) — A woman placed a 10-cent bet at a Michigan horse track and won $21,584, a track official says.

The Michigan woman, whose name was not released, made the bet Friday at Sports Creek Raceway in Swartz Creek, about 55 miles northwest of Detroit.

She placed two 10-cent Superfecta bets on a race being simulcast from the Hollywood Park track in Inglewood, Calif. The Superfecta requires gamblers to pick the four top-finishing horses in correct order.

"One of them won," Sports Creek general manager Chris Locking told The Detroit News.

She returned to the track Monday to collect her winnings.

"Pretty good return for 10 cents, isn't it?" Locking said.

Many tracks nationwide have introduced such 10-cent wagers to lure more customers, Locking said.

"It's been very successful," he said. "Twenty-thousand doesn't happen every day, but on a regular basis you'll see people winning $70, $200, $500 on a dime bet."

Grand Slam Grampy Has Struck Out

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — No one in the bleachers at the Sioux Falls Canaries game was quite sure what was going on down on the field. They were all quiet, transfixed on the little old man digging into the batter's box.

The infielders moved up on the grass, giggling and the pitcher looked as uncomfortable as anyone else.

But to 83-year-old Jim Eriotes, it was serious business.

Eriotes led off Tuesday's game for the Canaries against the St. Joe (Mo.) Blacksnakes and took four big swings — even fouling a pitch off — before striking out.

Officials with the Canaries, an independent American Association team, said the at-bat made Eriotes the oldest man to play professional baseball. It was his only at-bat in the game.

The record didn't mean much to the Chicago native, a former minor leaguer.

"I don't give a damn about that stuff," he said, bothered by his failure to reach base. "If I got a couple more at-bats, I'd get a hit. Easy."

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.

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