So, as anyone who works at a Midtown spa knows, I love a happy ending — which is why I enjoy going to the movies. I go to be reminded that optimism is always preferable, even if it is delusional.

I mean, as much as I'd like to think Eva and Wall-E are going to remain together forever, I'm also a realist. I give them a year before she catches him banging a Commodore 64.

Oddly, the inauguration reminds me a little of that: A happy ending that is only happy as long as the movie ends there.

In a way, it's also like the classic film "The Graduate," which culminates with the young couple speeding off together after Dustin Hoffman rescues the bride from her own wedding. The flick ends there for one reason: It never gets any better. That poor broad has to live with Dustin Hoffman.

See, happy endings are just replacements in the same old machine — exchanging one old part for a new one. And that's the inauguration in a nutshell. The wedding's over, and now "Barack: The Movie," with marketing based on phrases like hope, change and "Bush sucks," begins.

But like Katharine Ross holding hands with a sweaty Dustin, we're all married to Barack, telling ourselves how glad we are that the old relationship with what's-his-face is over.

But smart folks know that change is novel for only a moment, then it dissipates — which is why I fear for the sanity of the press. I just hope they stay with Obama for the sake of the children.

And if you disagree with it, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com