Upset that the Apple iPhone is just no longer exclusive enough? Feeling cheated that the price has dropped to $200 and the hoi polloi can afford it?
Well, then, Apple has the perfect downloadable application for you.
Called "I Am Rich" and created by some fellow named Armin Heinrich, it costs a mere $999.99 and displays a glowing red gem. That's all it does.
You can put it on the screen of your iPhone, which you probably paid $600 for a year ago, to prove to tennis partners, business rivals and high-end call girls that you truly are of the moneyed class.
Too good to be true? Pshaw. We checked the App Store on iTunes and it's there.
However, when we tried to click through for more details — due diligence is prudent before dropping a grand — a little pop-up message told us "I Am Rich" is not available for sale to U.S. residents.
Given the sorry state of the U.S. dollar, that might make sense.
Various blogs were able to get the official description, however, which reads in part: "The red icon on your iPhone or iPod Touch always reminds you (and others when you show it to them) that you were able to afford this. It's a work of art with no hidden function at all."
Supposedly, when you click on the cursive "I" symbol that offers information, you're greeted with a "secret mantra" teaching that will help you "stay rich, healthy and successful."
As of this writing, no one had ponied up the $1,000 — or 799.99 euros, or 599.99 British pounds — to find out what that mantra might be.
We suspect it's German for "Sucker!"