Have You Hugged a Corporation Today?

If you're like me, you hate evil corporations — mainly because they're rich, they have nicer cars, sleep in fluffy beds and for breakfast they feast on the tender limbs of malnourished children… usually folded into egg-white omelets.

But the reality is corporations are nothing more than large groups of people — like fraternities. But they make heap-loads of money and without them we'd all be dead.

On his blog, economics professor Mark J. Perry points this out brilliantly — that while we obsess over corporate profits, no one gives them credit for the massive taxes they pay to keep our country afloat.

Exxon paid $30 billion last year in taxes, which is as much, annually, as the bottom 50 percent of individual taxpayers. We're talking 65,000,000 people — and one, if you count Bill.

And did you know that the tax rate for the bottom 50 percent is only 3 percent? Meanwhile, for Exxon it's 41 percent.

So, in reality, it's not the corporations who've been getting a free ride, it's the poor!

Isn't it time we stopped beating up on corporations and started loving them? For my part, I offer to attend any corporate retreat that involves scream therapy and wearing culottes.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com