Greg's Flying Saucer

So, British scientists are making a real flying saucer — an unmanned vehicle that looks like a retarded Frisbee. It's called a GFS, which stands for Geoff's flying Saucer.

That's right: Geoff's Flying Saucer.

Now, does that name inspire confidence? Worse, our Defense Department has awarded a contract to Geoff's Flying Saucer.

What's next? Contracts for Billy's Go-Cart? Bob's Catapult? Greg's Activity Pit With Remote Control colonics?

This saucer is pathetic.

First, there's no death ray. Without a death ray, it's just a flying version of Simon, only stupider.

It goes only 10 miles an hour and uses a tiny fan to feebly inhale and push up air. It doesn't fly — it sucks.

Look, if we're going to build a flying saucer, let's do it ourselves, not rely on the Brits. I say let's hire Michael Bay to build them. They don't even have to work. They just have to scare the hell out of radical Muslims. We could equip them with robots, death rays and lots of pork. Also, a transporter beam to abduct houseboys.

We could call it Greg's Flying Saucer — it's the same initials as the other one, so we don't have to buy new monogrammed towels. I'll stand on the front like an intimidating hood ornament.

Naturally, it'll be powered by a hole in the back and a jar of Nivea.

Dass ist mein Darmgefuehl!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: