Get a glimpse and you want it. See others’ reactions and you need it. Whether it’s a devilish look, a suggestive gesture, or enticing innuendo, we all desire it at some point – that state of being sexy.
There’s a lot to get turned on to in this world. Who doesn’t appreciate an impressive physique? Or get charged from catching a flash of femme fatale thigh-highs? Or feel flushed all over from the fervor of a big screen French kiss?
What’s funny about these titillations is that it’s not always the “who” or the “what” that we’re attracted to. It’s that mode of sexiness that's really capturing our attention. Tap into that sexy sixth sense of yours, and you’re suddenly a different person – a more desirable person. Being that person is infectious. Better yet, it’s contagious.
And the best part about it is that anyone can have it. Contrary to popular belief, sexy is not about being tall, svelte, wrinkle-free, full-lipped ... or whatever physical attribute is en vogue. Sexiness entails so much more. Being truly attracted to somebody – especially for the long-haul – goes way beyond skin deep.
So here’s how anyone, including you, can get sexy...
Revamp your attitude.
Your attitude defines your sex appeal. I’m not talking about being cocky or having a big ego. I’m talking about the way you convey feeling good about yourself and what you stand for. It’s about believing in yourself — without taking yourself too seriously — and letting your inner beauty shine through. We see this all the time in a kind man’s brilliant smile, a curvy woman’s sultry walk, the twinkle in a true gent’s eye or a confident stride.
Flirt.
Good flirts are irresistible, especially when they’re out for a bit of harmless fun. After all, catching another’s interest is the ultimate compliment. So get playful. Be suggestive. Hold a love interest’s gaze. Smile. Be bold with scrumptious surprises. Just stay in the moment and don’t get caught in the thought of rushing to a sexual conquest. Enjoy the energy that you have with a beloved or potential beau. This will ease your delivery and repertoire. Combine this with the aforementioned attitude, and you’ll totally be on top of your game.
Flex your sense of humor.
Both men and women report adoring witty company, preferring partners who can make them smile and laugh. To me, quick wit is a great indicator of intelligence. And there’s something enthralling about keeping up with a (potential) romantic companion tit for tat.
Show your soft side.
Many of us spend most of our days focusing on our careers, maintaining a hard exterior, and trying to be tough in a tough, tough world. It can be hard to take off that hat in your down time, social time, or personal time. So remember to make yourself vulnerable with the right person. There is nothing more endearing and sexy to a person than another’s ability to be tender and warm. Since we don’t do this with just anybody, it’s a sign that you have something really special and sensual going on.
Aim to be outgoing.
While being extroverted doesn’t come easily to everybody, putting yourself out there for others scores you major points with the sexiness factor. Doing so exudes confidence, and this confidence conveys other qualities. People will assume that you’re powerful, proactive, uninhibited, dynamic, determined, and a leader. All of these positive qualities are regarded as sexy.
Exemplify commitment.
People love knowing that you’re trustworthy and that you have their back. Furthermore, in a world full of dysfunctional families, being devoted to family is more attractive than ever. People who follow their faith and say what’s on their mind speak volumes as far as passions go. And passions can be very, very sexy.
Titillate.
Beyond flirting, transform yourself with a sex deity mentality. Be suggestive, mysterious, and lusty, whether it’s in what you wear, how you eat, peeks of your lingerie, or your seduction strategies...
Be sensual in and out of the boudoir.
Being sensual encompasses so many things. It ultimately boils down to making yourself available for all types of intimate moments; whether they are physical, emotional or spiritual. You can do this even just for yourself, whether it’s taking a bath, or treating yourself to an afternoon at the spa. The more you nurture this aspect of yourself, the more it will seep into everything you do, which is incredibly sexy. So seek out the finer things in life, like succulent foods, flowers, candles, wine, poetry, or fine fabrics. Entice another to relish in such indulgences with you. Try to be open to touch, inviting an intimacy which deprives so many. Don’t just embrace sex, but enjoy it.
Take care of yourself.
Many people don’t attend to their basic needs. You need to take care of your core before you can exude sex appeal. To do this, you must reduce stress. Exercise on a regular basis. Stay hydrated. Eat well-balanced meals. Meditate. Moisturize. Treat yourself to a great haircut every two months. Strive to dress fashionably in clothes that are comfortable for you. Make time for yourself. Turning inward enables you to turn outward and lure others in.
Volunteer.
Giving ultimately equals receiving, often in more ways than one. Doing something you enjoy for others brings out the best in you. That, in and of itself, can be sexy to so many.
Practice modesty.
It’s hard to be free of vanity, especially if you’re required to put yourself out there for a dream, cause, financial security, or an opportunity. I keep a note by my laptop I once tore off a teabag that says “An attitude of gratitude brings you many opportunities.” People are drawn to those who are grounded. There’s something terribly sexy in being unpretentious. At the end of the day, that’s the kind of power that draws people in. That’s what makes you sexy.
As you can see, it takes a lot more than eye candy to sustain sexiness. Among characteristics that shape our sex appeal is the ability to be open, engaging, thoughtful, and charismatic.
Having a tough time realizing your finer qualities? Make a list of your accomplishments, talents, skills, and appeal as a friend. I’m sure you’ll find yourself sexier and more desirable than you ever realized.
In the Know Sex News…
— Massachusetts Assisting Sex Trafficking Victims. Massachusetts will spend $1 million to house young women and girls who have been used as prostitutes. The Department of Social Services will use a secret Boston location to provide shelter and resources for these sexually exploited youth.
— U.K. Shocked by Teen Abortion Rate. The latest pregnancy termination figures out of Britain show that there was a 10 percent rise among girls under 16 and a 21 percent rise for girls under 14. The overall figure for abortions in the U.K. hovered at 198,500.
— July 11 marks World Population Day. This annual event highlights the rights of couples and individuals to plan their families. Currently, 500 million females in developing countries are using some form of birth control. In doing so, the Guttmacher Institute reports that 187 million unintended pregnancies, 60 million unplanned births, 105 million induced abortions, 2.7 million infant deaths, and 215,000 maternal deaths are being prevented. Additionally, 685,000 children will not risk losing their mothers to pregnancy-related deaths this year.
Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hand Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."
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