FOXSexpert: Bridesmaids, Watch Your Backs

Have you ever thought, "I’m always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

The feeling is about to become even worse.

Lately, brides actually are drafting up their own prenuptial agreements — and presenting them to their bridesmaids.

These appalling agreements involve specific grooming and behavior clauses by which the bridesmaids must abide.

Popular rules include:

— Not gaining weight.

— Getting a tan — and no tan lines allowed.

— Alcoholic drinks can be consumed only after the bride takes her first sip.

— Dyeing hair a certain shade.

— Showing up on time for wedding photos.

— Maintaining a certain fingernail length and style.

If the bridesmaids don’t comply, they are kicked out of the party.

Recently, a bride featured in the New York Post sent a seven-page contract to her bridesmaids for her September 2009 wedding.

Not surprisingly, one of the girls dropped out. (Smart move. I am assuming the rest of the bridal party is in for a year and a half of torture.)

You’ll have to forgive me if I have a bit of an attitude here. I’m one of those gals who has never been able to identify with the fuss women make over their wedding day.

Where I come from (Iceland), we don’t make a big deal over tying the knot.

I also have had the good fortune of being the bridesmaid to several wonderful women who would never dream of insulting their friends with such a document.

These bridesmaid agreements are ridiculous — another indicator of how out of control wedding planning has become.

Sure, it is supposed to be the best day of a woman’s life. But somewhere in the planning, brides are becoming out of touch with what the wedding is supposed to be about: marriage.

There are real reasons to get married, other than an excuse to throw an elaborate party, such as:

— Financial advancement.

— To have sex without guilt.

— Because you are unexpectedly pregnant.

OK, I’m being a bit facetious here. But, for better or worse, those are actual reasons many people get married. And since those aren’t good enough reasons to say "I do," many marriages don’t work out.

That’s why it’s so funny when these bridezillas make such a big to-do about their wedding day — about 50 percent of them are going to end up divorced!

All jest aside, what happened to getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your cherished companion? Why isn’t a wedding’s ultimate purpose — that it is the highest form of commitment — not taking center stage?

Your wedding day should not be about the flowers, the catering or even the dress. It shouldn’t be about keeping your bridal party in check — you don’t want to lose friends because you’ve lost it.

It should be about two people declaring their love for one another and sharing it with those who matter the most to them.

Grooms, too, may want to wise up: After all, these bridezilla tactics are a clear warning of what lies ahead ... for the rest of their lives.

Or, should I say, the next eight years? That’s the average length of a marriage that ends in divorce.

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Dr. Yvonne Kristín Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc . She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."