So while the American public focused on New Hampshire, another, more important election was going on: Thanks to some feminists, women can now bathe topless in a swimming pool in northern Sweden.
Now, I've never been much of a feminist — I only burned my bra once and that was because of lice. But this is one of those brilliant occasions where the needs of feminists, lesbians and peepers like myself collide — making this the kind of equal rights I can get behind and even spoon.
But this mammary victory illustrates a greater point: That most feminism is a ruse pulled on women by men who simply want to see more of them naked and have sex without commitment. The fact is, if you marched alongside feminists then you were guaranteed sex. The only downside: It was with women who look like Amy Carter.
But that's Sweden. And it's time for our feminists to tackle the same problem here and take to the public pools and water theme parks and demand their right to go full frontal.
Swimsuits are male oppression, women, and if you believe in equal rights then damn it, you should show it by stripping off right now. And possibly take a photo and send it to me. I will do my best to further the cause by showing them to my friends.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.
And that’s my gut feeling!