How do you know when a news story is full of crap? When Dr. Phil says it's real.

See, just this morning he was on some other network discussing how hard the recession will be on "the children." He said that because kids today have grown up with a huge sense of entitlement, it will be hard for cash-strapped parents to tell them no, especially during the holidays.

Sorry Dr. Phil, but you're dumber than something really dumb.

It's not the kids who have the sense of entitlement — it's their crappy parents. The kids are only picking up what their parents have been doing and, if anything, we really need the grandparents to enter the picture and beat the crap out of everybody.

Seriously, this recession is nothing. If America were a car, it's a flat tire. Compare that to what's happening around the world.

Initially the recession was awesome for our envious critics, because our capitalistic system finally collapsed! But hold on there, fella. This is a global recession and only countries that embrace free markets are going to make it through. I mean, look who's in trouble now: Venezuela and Iran — corrupt regimes whose only survival is based on the price of oil, which is plunging so fast it's making Hugo Chavez crap his diapers and Ahmadinejad change his.

And that's the real joy of this holiday season: Watching the creeps who want us ruined, getting reamed. That makes the whole recession, suddenly very worth it.

And if you disagree with it, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com