Eliminating the Axis of Evil

Hey, get this... I want to talk about North Korea.

We’re having multilateral talks with Kim Jong’s ilk in Beijing this week along with representatives of Russia, China, South Korea and oddly enough, Gary Coleman (search ).

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We want the NK to apply the Bat Brakes to their uranium enrichment program and North Korea, in return, wants us to stop referring to them as a charter member of the “Axis of Evil” and notch it back to the “Axis of a Wee Bit Naughty.”

Folks, there’s only one reason North Korea has come to the table now and that’s Iraq. Forget WMDs. This is why Saddam and his boys drew the Wonka Ticket in the Punk Lottery. Pancaking Iraq got us six-way talks and six-way talks got us a valuable one-on-one date with Erin/North Korea where I’m pretty sure we reminded them to cool their nuclear jets or we just might have to beat them to the e=mc² punch.

Think of Iraq as "East Korea," because it was a shoot the cuffs war for the edification of Kim Jong Il (search) to let him know we’ve now circled the SUVs. Iraq was about breaking adhesions, getting lean, staying frosty -- in short, getting ready for the big Doug MacArthur Memorial Cage Match to come.

Kim Jong Il must be ruthless because you usually don’t get to head up a country when you look that freaky. He’s like the Buddy Holly of the Pan-Pacific Rim. Weird hair -- like a Chia-Dictator. I hope if they eventually blow that head off, somebody has the good sense to put it in a jar and bring it back home, because I know I’d pay a nickel to see that up close in a tent.

Listen, North Korea has been begging for it since ‘68 when they filched Lloyd Bucher (search) and the boys off the Pueblo. Add the fact that I don’t like the way they march and mix in reneging on a promise to pull the plug on their nuclear program and you’ve got the hat trick.

It’s time to put our cards on the table with North Korea and when we fan our hand it should read, “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... well that’s just not gonna happen now is it?”

Got that? I’m Dennis Miller.