That aging string of muscle known as Madonna is adopting another child from Malawi.

Now, her previous adoption from there caused major controversy, mainly because she got the child faster than most of us get Chinese takeout. It became clear, that if you're a ghoulish pop star, you can collect foreign kids the way I acquire mysterious bruises.

Look, I think Madonna's all right. Simply by getting the tyke out of his current lifestyle, she may lengthen his life. Now, whether the kid will be able to stomach living with Madonna for that long is another question, but at least he'll have time to answer it.

And seriously, it says something about the harsh lives kids lead elsewhere, if living with a self-absorbed health nut is considered a "step up." I mean, the kids escape dysentery, only to be greeted with an organic high colonic.

But really, folks should stop ragging on celebs over these adoptions and instead rag on the policies that make it harder for the rest of us to adopt. Millions of American couples spend years hopelessly trying to adopt, while kids die in impoverished countries. So instead of bemoaning the superstars who get fast-tracked, we should be fast-tracking everyone.

Especially me.

Yes, I too wish to adopt a child. But not really a child. Someone over 18, who likes to wrestle and cook a mean risotto.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir, are worse than Hitler.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com