Dennis Miller on Pope Bashing, Colbert on 'Larry King Live'

This is a rush transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 15, 2008. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: a great exchange between Stephen Colbert and Larry King — you'll see it — pope bashing and the Obama-Clinton elitist controversy, featuring Reverend Wright. Joining us from Los Angeles, one of the kingpins of syndicated radio, Dennis Miller.

Did you use the clip on your radio show of Wright saying that I was a dufus or something? I couldn't quite get it, but he doesn't like me.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well listen, Bill, this is your rice bowl, quite frankly. He will use you in much the same way Chris Dodd used you before air dropped into that Daily Kos convention. You give them little bona fides if they do battle with you.

But I want to ask you, Bill, if you're ever eulogizing me, and I assume you will one day, since I've somehow become Sancho Panza to your Don Quixote, I want you to stay on me for a few seconds during the eulogy before you start hocking "Factor" gear, OK?

O'REILLY: Well, I may have to hammer a few people that are in the audience. You know what kind of riffraff that you hang out with, Miller. I will get them out of the way fast. I'll say a couple of good things about you, and then we'll probably do a "Don't Be a Pinhead" shirt or something like that.

MILLER: You know, Bill, I have to tell you I've had somewhat of a shift on this Reverend Wright thing this week, due to my callers on the radio show. Now I always viewed this thing as sort of pro-wrestling, the race-capades, as you will, like a pageant.

But I had a guy call this week that stopped me dead in my tracks. Callers are very smart sometimes. He said, "Hey, Dennis, isn't this exactly what you are afraid that's going on inside Islamic mosques?" You know, I had to say to him short of the call for jihad, yes, it is exactly.

O'REILLY: The Wahhabism of Protestant, you know, preaching.

Look, there's something going on here. When this guy has got a $10 million line of credit attached to his property, which, in an all-white neighborhood abutting a golf course, I don't know if I'm buying his angst. Do you know what I'm talking about Miller?

MILLER: Well, listen, as far as whether his parishioners want to deposit him out in a nice place, that's business. I'm happy for him. You know, nobody has to stay downtrodden for me to, you know, judge them in one way or another.

But I will say this: I'm looking at the guy now, and I'm thinking, you know, maybe there's, like I have said, I've had some insightful callers, people who aren't agenda-driven, tell me that they sense more hate here than I did. Like I said, I just thought it was a show he put on.

O'REILLY: I do, too.

MILLER: I might have to adjust myself a little on that.

O'REILLY: You know, I'm still going with the showbiz aspect of this, but I could be wrong as well.

Now, who is the more elite: Clinton or Obama? Who's the biggest elitist, because now they're, you know, hitting each other: "You're the biggest elitist." Who's bigger?

MILLER: Well, listen, I'd say this week if you went on into Anthraciteville, where they dig coal, instead of not digging coal, like the crowd that Obama was running with in San Francisco, I would say Barack Obama is viewed as more elitist.

You know what? I think this thing has a lot more sticking power than the Reverend Wright thing. At some point I think the electorate is going to think of Reverend Wright as just like the crazy old aunts in "Arsenic and Old Lace," you know. And Barack Obama doesn't have say over him.

This is his voice, his own tone. He's hobnobbing with the swells out in the Bay Area. And it doesn't sound — whenever people get together in the pied-a-terre and start talking about what the real people and what the regular people need, it starts to creep me out a little. I think it's creeping them out.

O'REILLY: I agree. I think the — Obama is running as a populist. This is not what he needed in Pennsylvania.

The pope arrived today. Looks like a nice guy. Wants peace for the world, and wants you to love your neighbor as yourself. Sounds like a good message to me. Yet, we have people bashing the pope. How do you see it?

MILLER: I think the people can bash Catholics now because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you bash right now, they're going to kill you.

Now, listen, I have my qualms with the Catholic Church in the last few years. Last time I went to confession I said, "You first."

But I will say this: For that pope to get on that plane and, before he even sets down here, to say, "I am deeply ashamed," mazel tov, pope. If that's what they say in your church, God bless you. That's a nice sentiment. I thought it was humble. I thought it was to the point, and I thought it healed some wounds — at least it healed some of the wounds I have with the Catholic Church.

O'REILLY: He's going to have to go a little further to those of us who do go to church every Sunday. I do. And I pray for you, Miller, you know.

But I think the pope has got to define it specifically about why Mahoney in L.A. is still sitting there. He shouldn't be there. And that's what bothers a lot of us who are loyal to the religion but think maybe some people who work it, you know, who run it aren't as top notch as they should be.

Be that as it may, I want to play this clip because this is a classic. This is a classic. Stephen Colbert on "Larry King" last night. Roll the tape.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LARRY KING, HOST, "LARRY KING LIVE": Stephen Colbert. I've been calling it "The Colbert Report." It's "The Colbert Rapport," right?

STEPHEN COLBERT, HOST, "THE COLBERT REPORT": It's a rapport. "Colbert Rapport."

KING: I should have known that because I've been a guest on that show.

COLBERT: And you used to also date Claudette Colbert. So you know how to pronounce the "T." You went to high school together.

KING: Why — why tick me off?

COLBERT: Why tick you off? I didn't realize I was ticking you off. I can't see you, Larry. I can only hear you. You certainly sound happy.

KING: I knew Claudette Colbert, and she was 40 years older than me: 40 years older.

COLBERT: She robbed the cradle then.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

O'REILLY: That was a great. Now, I couldn't tell, it looked like — some people say King was mad. It didn't look like he was mad to me. It looked like he was playing along. But that was a great...

MILLER: He was a little ruffled, Bill. And it's surprising because you usually can't ruffle Larry. You could bust him across the forehead with the blunt end of a pool cue, and all he'll do is look up and say, "Saginaw, Michigan. Jasper."

O'REILLY: But you can't ruffle him. He's not listening to you. He's looking down at his next question. So you can take his suspender and go whack, and he still wouldn't feel it, because he's looking to see what he should ask next. That's why you can't ruffle him. But Colbert...

MILLER: Who knows? Maybe Colbert hit close to home. Maybe Larry did date her way back in those halcyon pre-Viagra days when the only libidinal accentuation a man could have was to wear his suspenders way, way too tight.

O'REILLY: I didn't understand a word of that, Miller, but I'll take your word on it.

Dennis Miller, everybody. Check him out on syndicated radio in New York on WOR right after the "Radio Factor."

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