This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 29, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment, we have two segments — two — with the prince of perspicacity. Leading off, of course, with the president's press conference, Miller joins us now from Los Angeles.

So, you've been listening to the program and you saw the press conference. What say you?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Evening, Officer O'Reilly. Thanks for letting me up to the adult table tonight.

First off, I've got to say to Colmes, I don't know what his deal over. What's with the anal retentive need for closure on war against insane people? I mean, it's war; it's not Stratego. Now, I know he's no longer there. He's probably already down in the West Village in his El Safe studio, padding around in his feetie jammies, checking expiration dates on all the Yoplaits in his fridge. But come on, Alan, if you want that sort of surety go write rule books for Parker Brothers. This is the real world, baby.

O'REILLY: But do you know how many Americans agree with Alan Colmes and President Obama because they both say that no way we're ever going to rough these guys up? Because it's making our country into a terrible place. You know, there are millions of Americans who believe that.

MILLER: Listen, I'll take that waterboarding thing a lot more seriously when they stop making it mandatory for our guys in the SEAL program. You know, we can't do it against these nuts. And by the way, I think he was talking about Ward Churchill there, the prez, because that doesn't sound like Winny to me, for God's sakes.

O'REILLY: That was not good. That was not good, and we'll — we're going to do a little more on that tomorrow. I have a little bit more to say about that. But look, I love England. I spent my third year in college there. I'm going to be in London in a few weeks. It's a great place. But this is not the place to say they don't use torture. I mean...

MILLER: Why don't you — let's go chat up Bobby Seal's family. I think I remember that being a little rougher than some people do.

O'REILLY: Yes, he was the hunger striker, and you know, there were a lot of bad things. I covered the troubles in Belfast. I was there. I saw it of my own eyes. So that's — that was not the greatest moment. But the fact remains...

MILLER: Billy, can I — can I give you my bullet points as you did up front on this press conference?


MILLER: First off, I find it weird that we've come to a point in history where a chick running for Miss USA gets harder questions than the president of the United States. And I don't know what that Zeleny guy from the Times is thinking with that enchanted question. It was like I was watching a Brownie scout meet the Jonas Brothers, for God's sakes. I guess he's back to the Times building now, sitting around the fondue pot with Pinsk (ph) and the guys, putting their bread into the fondue pot, talking about how they made a little sense (ph) there, like Sammy Sosa when he hit a home run.

O'REILLY: Colmes is there, too.

MILLER: Yes, yes. They're all feeling good. They got the Ouija board out. It's a beautiful thing. Now, conversely, I like you dug the Knoller guy from CBS Radio, and I hope CBS Radio has the good sense to take out some wazoo insurance on that guy, because he's go to be gang audited. Now, my other perceptions were I missed Ed Schultz tonight. I didn't see him. But I guess that the car pooling schedule dictated that he drive the audience home tonight. I thought Helen Thomas looked beautiful, although the more I see her, the more I think that she's Janet Napolitano before you add water. I noticed the light bulbs behind Barack Obama were not green. I liked the fact that he gave Bush a little credit, and he might call Bush now that Iraq is heating up again, ask him to come over and put his special touch on it. Because Bush kept it tamped down. It looks like Barack's letting it go a little bit. And I would say this about Barack. I like the cut of his jib. I think he's very smooth. But you know something? If my kid said "ah" that much, I would say, "Hey, stop saying 'ah' that much."

O'REILLY: OK, but don't you think that, as I said to Bernie, that it really isn't a press conference anymore, that it's just an excuse to get free airtime from the network? I mean, we'll give Barack Obama free airtime any time he wants, because that's what we do on the cable news. He's the president. But they preempted — I think there was a special on NBC where Alec Baldwin meets Sean Penn, and they give away money to poor people or something. They preempted that, and then he got the free airtime. But you know, the press is there, but they're like little props. The president is like, "You ask this question, and we'll answer whatever we want. And we'll go on so long that there won't be any — 13 questions in an hour." You know, I just don't think it's a legitimate press conference anymore.

MILLER: Listen, Bill, let me say this about Barack Obama. I dig the way it looks and feels. If I agreed with him on terrorism, I don't agree with him on the spreading all the bread around — you know, like I said, I'll help the helpless. I don't want to help the clueless, so I don't get that part of him. And in our second segment, we're going to talk about the thing that really does bug me about him. But the thing with terrorism, you know, that's where I really disagree with him. I think he's a little soft there. But as far as — I dig the look, man. I dig the feel.

O'REILLY: Well, yes, it's orchestrated. As an orchestrated event, it looks fine. But it isn't fine, because there isn't a grilling of the president. He controls every aspect of it. And that's not the way the press conferences used to be. You know, there's been a change now.

MILLER: Like I said, Billy, put him in a bikini and let Trump field the questions. They'd get a little harder, because I saw that Perez Hilton kid leaning on Miss California a lot more than this guy. But the one thing I like about Barack is I do think he gets it. I guarantee you when he walks back there and makes that left, and Emanuel is stand there, they look at each other and go, "What about Delaney? When did he turn into Doug Henning?"

O'REILLY: I agree with you. I think they're high-fiving each other like crazy. And they have a fondue pot there, too, I understand. And they're dipping it in there. And — look, the thing that bothers me is the press is there to be — represent the folks. A few of them do that, but most of them are representing each other. All right? The press is now playing to each other. They're not looking out for the folks, Miller. Take it from me, that is a dangerous thing for our country.

All right. Let's take a break. We'll be back with Miller, and watch out, Senator Arlen Specter. OK, Miller. Now, you warmed up on Specter, right? You warmed up on him?

MILLER: Yes, it's time to light Specter up.

O'REILLY: OK. I want the children to be removed from the room, all right? And we'll take a break. Also, President Obama took a shot at FOX News today, as Dennis was referring to. We will play you that sound bite as "Miller Time" continues all over the world. We will be right back.


O'REILLY: "Back of the Book" segment tonight. Before President Obama gave his press conference in Washington he visited Missouri for a town-hall meeting where he said this.


PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Those of you who are watch — watching certain news channels that — on which I'm not very popular, and you see folks waving tea bags around, let me just remind them that I am happy to have a serious conversation about how we are going to cut our health-care costs down over the longterm.


O'REILLY: All right. Rejoining us now from Los Angeles, the duke of droll, Dennis Miller. I think he was referring to FOX News there, was he not?

MILLER: One thing I forget about the press conference before we get into that, which really does bug me, is I liked it when he apologized to the pig community for calling them swine. It's not a press conference without an apology, so my hat's off.

It seems like my man bends over backwards to take care of everybody's feelings, except one thing, and it doesn't go much farther than high school, Billy. Barack Obama fancies himself a cool kid, and cool kids don't like squares. I think he's more at ease with the swells than he is with what he construes to be the yokels. I didn't like it when they laughed at that plumber the next day. I don't like the laughing at the tea bag people. You know, I think he looks out at that Norman Rockwell and hoi polloi demo, and those are the only people he might want to waterboard. These are just regular people who are a little peeved. You go out of your way to receive the anger and animus of every freak on the planet earth. Let's let these 250,000 Americans who just feel a little overwhelmed by government intrusion have their day, you don't have to make fun of them, man. Listen, I think Republicans, conservatives are about to enter a nuclear winter. I consider myself mostly conservative. And you have to have rhino skin to get through a nuclear winter. And I'm telling you, Mr. President, when you snicker, my whole life that's made it easier for me to grow rhino skin. If you want to think us the fools, if you want to look at me and you want to look at those people and think us the fools, trust me, my friend, you're not bringing anybody together, because when I see that plumber thing, and I see that, I see there and I go, "Hey, what's that all about, pal?"

O'REILLY: You know what I think it's all about?


MILLER: ... disagree on something.

O'REILLY: I think that Barack Obama in his adult life has never been criticized. Ever. If you follow his career, if you read his books, never been criticized. Now he is. And particularly on FOX News, some of the commentators just don't like liberal politicians. There's no doubt. And he doesn't like it. He's not used to it. He's used to having people say, "Yes, Barack. Yes, you are the greatest guy." He's not used to people like talk radio people and some on FOX nailing him. Now, I've got to get to Arlen Specter.

MILLER: Real quickly, though, Bill, real quickly, I think the guy has rabbit ears. You've got 250,000 who are a little peeved, and he hears that? He hears everything except the Reverend Wright screaming.

O'REILLY: Well, he's sensitive to criticism. There's no doubt he's sensitive to criticism. All right. What do you think about Specter?

MILLER: Listen, I haven't trusted Specter since James Bond warned me about him in "Dr. No." This is the nut who hatched the single bullet theory back during the Warren Commission. You know, that bullet went down here, hung around, went down here, went through Connolly's wrist. I mean, I thought he's been a bit of an odd duck since then, but he's 79 years old now. What else is he going to do? Is he going to go back to Philly and be the weird coot that lives down at the end of the street? Of course he isn't. He's going to walk around the Hill now, change party affiliations, because up there he realizes there's a kid whose college credit is predicated on following him around with a drool cup and catching the discharge on an hourly basis. He's going to be there forever. This is another one of those pro- choice — white pro-choice lifers, and he is going to make Zac Efron and Robert Byrd look similar before you pry him out of there. Try to get Arlen Specter out of Capitol Hill. He's going to look like a raccoon in a flashlight at your trash bin at 3 in the morning. And you know something? Good riddance. Let him go over to the Dems for a while. Let them be embarrassed to be in bed with this whack job for a few years.

O'REILLY: I don't know if there's embarrassment coming, but Dennis Miller, everybody. There you go.

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