This is a rush transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," March 25, 2009. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: We wanted our pal, syndicated radio star Dennis Miller, to give us his view on what is fair and what is not regarding criticizing the president. The Miller guy joins us now from Los Angeles.


O'REILLY: You know, there are a lot of criticisms today about Barack Obama and various programs and on the Web and all of that. I didn't see anything over the line, did you?

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MILLER: No, not vaguely. I mean, he lit the one guy up who asked him the question, you know, he says, "I like to consider things." That's fine. Listen, he's got to get some rhino skin. It's a brutal job. And if he's going to go on prompter like that, occasionally people are going to light him up. I mean, he's starting to make Bush look like Robin Williams when he was on "Mork," for God's sakes. I'm thinking this guy uses a prompter when he's taking an eye chart test. And I guess occasionally he's going to have somebody disparage him. My hero up there is Jake Tapper from ABC. I think tap, tap, the chiseler, and your guy over there. What is the guy's name?

O'REILLY: Major Garrett.

MILLER: From FOX. Yes, I think Major does a nice job. But some of these guys, you know, they cut out into the crowd and that corn guy is just sitting there like, you know, like "Beauty School Dropout" in the "Grease" movie. He just loves Barack. So some guys are going to light him up. I think it's going to happen with increasing frequency. It's legit.

O'REILLY: You know, I thought the CNN guy was fine. And you know what it reminded me of? The CIA — CNN guy basically said, "Look, it took you guys two or three days to react to AIG. And the inference is that you didn't react to it because you didn't feel the outrage that the folks felt this early, so that you're detached from the folks." That was the whole message of that question.

Now, Obama, who's very smart, picked up on it right away. But he couldn't have an answer. He didn't have an answer. So he gave you a Letterman: "Well, I want to know what I'm talking about."

When I asked Letterman — and I want you to remember this. I'm on "Letterman" next week. When I asked Letterman, I don't know, a couple of years ago, "Hey, do you want the United States to win in Iraq?" he didn't answer. And then I pushed him. And then he said — I said, "It's not" — I said, "It's an easy question, Dave." And he said, "It's not easy if you're thoughtful." Now, that got a laugh from the crowd. And it was a good comeback by Dave, who's quick, OK? But he still didn't answer it. And neither did Obama. He didn't answer. He said, you know — so I wasn't that admiring of that slap-down. I didn't admire that answer. I would have rather had a regular answer from Obama.

MILLER: First off, I'm not going to get between you and Dave bloodying each other's lips. You're two big boys.

O'REILLY: No, we like each other. I think we like each other.

MILLER: Listen, I just want to congratulate him. I knew his — I knew his wife at "Saturday Night Live." She was one of our — the people who watched over the show to make sure we were adhering to the FCC code. She is a great lady, and I'm very happy for him. So congrats to Dave.

As far as the question goes, I think Barack is going to have to bring the curtain down pretty quickly reacting like that, because he's starting to look a little — as I've often said, it's not the color of the president's skin; it's the thinness of it. And he's got to watch that stuff. Eventually he's going to have to concede that they're going to wade into him like they did with Bush.

You remember Bush standing in there at that prime-time press conference, in front of the whole world, including terrorists, when they said what mistakes have you made, and he didn't have an answer? Well, now Barack Obama is the guy who's going to have to field stuff like that.

O'REILLY: All right. Let's get on to you can't have the circus anymore. The PETA people say that the circus is brutal to the animals and they're taking their case to the kids. In Baltimore, PETA activists dressed up, and they're telling kids that, you know, all kind of mean stuff is happening at the circus. What do you think?

MILLER: I think PETA people are emotional wrecks. I think they have been so horribly disappointed by their fellow human beings that they have to cozy up to a ferret to have a friend. And I think there are even animals out there who are embarrassed that they front them. They ought to lay off the kids, although psychologically and intellectually, that's who they're akin to. But the simple fact is kids love the circus. And PETA to get in the middle of that, it's just, you know, like I said, it's embarrassing to them.

I feel empathy and I feel loathing for PETA. Because sometimes I look at them and I go, "Wow, they've been so cracked up about fellow humans, they've got to befriend the pet world." And then there are other times that I think, "Oh, shut up, you're going to have a kid one day, for God's sakes. Let him go to the circus."

O'REILLY: Well, I feel the same way. I think PETA did some good work in the cruelty to animals stuff. But they're just way over the line.

MILLER: Bill, they do good — they do good work with the clumsiest bedside manner imaginable.

O'REILLY: Right.

MILLER: They could do better work if they just used their heads.

O'REILLY: OK. You have two sons...


O'REILLY: ...who are in the spring break age. And I don't even want to know what you did on spring break, Miller, because I don't believe — I guess if we were on HBO, we could talk about it, but not on FOX News Channel. Would you let your sons go to Mexico on spring break?

MILLER: I wouldn't let my kids go to Mexico, because you get the runs from the water. I mean, that's the simple fact. But the other fact is kids are horny. And it's the same reason you show these pictures of the girls, because people at home love the pictures of young girls in bikinis. It's the same thing with my 17, 18- year-old kid. He likes to see women in bikinis. I understand that part of it. I just don't trust Mexico more because of the Guadalajara — the drug war at the border. I mean, I don't trust Mexico because of the drug war and that sort of thing.

O'REILLY: That's what I'm getting. That's what I'm talking about. You can see bikinis where you live in Southern California.


O'REILLY: Bikinis are everywhere. But, you know, a lot of parents are saying, "Look, do I want to allow my kid to go down to Mexico when we have all of this danger?"

MILLER: No, I wouldn't right now.

O'REILLY: I wouldn't either. I think it's crazy.

MILLER: I wouldn't, and here's the reason, Bill. I'm afraid to let my sons go to Mexico, because I'm afraid they'll come back to this country illegally. That's where I sit right now.

O'REILLY: But now with the Obama administration, you don't have to worry about that. They're welcome. Your sons would be on the fast track to citizenship.

MILLER: You know something? They would — they would get a tax refund at this point, Billy.

O'REILLY: Comprehensive reform.

MILLER: Pretty soon they'll be giving the tax return to the illegals in pesos. That'll the next step.

O'REILLY: If your sons come back illegally to the United States, Miller, they'll get their college education paid for free. So it's a good deal.

MILLER: Billy, let me ask you one last thing. When you're in the hallway and you see Glenn Beck, tell him to do one of those "One Big Thing" things he does at the beginning of the show. Like Senor Wences, to turn around and let the back of his head deliver it. You know, that little line across the fatty part of his head.

O'REILLY: Tomorrow, on Friday, I will whale on you. I'm letting Beck whale on you, Miller. I'm going to hold up a picture of you, and I'm going to go, "Beck, go." That's going to happen. Real quick.

MILLER: Bring it on, Beck!

O'REILLY: Rasmussen poll, Miller, Colbert, and Stewart, and you tied them in favorability. Just as many Americans like you as these two pinheads.

MILLER: Billy, I just want to thank Rasmussen for putting me in the poll. Like I said, these two guys are at the top of the game. To think I'm in there, for God's sakes, I'm getting e-mails from AARP at this point. I go into Denny's at 4:30, they give me a break on the turkey sandwich. I'm happy to be involved. I thank "The Factor." Go "Factor," go "Factor," go "Factor." You are the Don Johnson vote, baby. Thanks for letting me water ski.

O'REILLY: OK, man, I'm proud of you. I mean, I want you to beat Colbert and Stewart next year. Dennis Miller, everybody.

MILLER: All right.

O'REILLY: Remember, Beck gets a shot at him on Friday.

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