It started out as a great first date. But suddenly the woman of your dreams turned into a total nightmare by dinner number three. What went wrong? Men's lifestyle expert, Oliver "Ali" Nejad fills you in on the 4 red flags to keep on your radar.
Gentlemen, over the course of our dating careers one of the easiest things we’ve learned to pick up on are “green flags,” or signs that a woman is willing or ready to accept our advances toward her. This is partly because we are constantly looking for these sorts of signs. They lead us to that which we are hoping to experience: a successful romantic pursuit. What we fail to do as well as this however, is look for “red flags,” or reasons why we should abandon the SS Future Fling with the fervor of Titanic passengers.
Red flags take many forms, most of which we will gladly dismiss or overlook in favor of making things work with someone initially, but will only prove to light a retroactive bulb in our heads down the line when we realize we could’ve predicted the incompatibility. So to help temper our compatibility biases, I have assembled the following typical red flags (at least for me):
1) Pets: If a woman shows a remarkable, borderline inordinate amount of affection for her pet, it is tempting to regard her as a very sweet person. Trouble is you will often find yourself riding backseat while Fido rides shotgun in the love-mobile. You should never be a third wheel in her bed, especially on a cold night spent with poochy running an anti-spooning campaign. Pay attention to moments spoiled by her need to get away and feed/water/walk the dog, and you won’t be rolling your eyes down the line when you find yourself in a veterinary waiting room with an engagement ring in your pocket.
2) PIMs: Personal Information Managers can take many forms. Devices that come to mind are Crackberrys and iPhones, but I am going to lump social networking sites into the mix as well: Facebook, MySpace, and Friendster just to name a few. If a woman spends several hours a day on these sites, or more criminally several minutes a date texting/emailing etc., you’ll find yourself wishing you had the pet problem instead. This sort of attention deficit will eventually wear thin on you, and isn’t likely to be something you can wean her off of anytime soon. Even the most low maintenance of us have a certain amount of need to be focused upon, especially early on when we are looking to engage someone in informative conversations about one another.
3) LTR Talk: When conversation that revolves around a Long Term Relationship rears its head early in your dating, it’s generally a sign of a presumptuous and possessive woman. This type can take the form of smitten-kitten or pants-wearer but in either extreme is equally as dangerous. If it’s reciprocal love at first sight then more power to you both, but if the affair is one-sided, get the hell out of Dodge! Who wants to hear what the kids you didn’t even know you were having are going to be named? Or where the wedding you didn’t even sign on for will be held? You can bank on a total lack of control and reasonable freedom in a relationship with these types, and last I checked that didn’t graft well onto the archetypal male.
4) Lack of Intelligence: This is the trickiest of the red flags. Many men have been conditioned to have an affinity for the less intelligent woman because she is almost always less challenging and opinionated, making for more deference and agreeability – less threatening attributes to our male bravado. But don’t be fooled into thinking that this is something you will carry a preference for deep into a relationship. In fact, the burdens and challenges couples inevitably face will be shouldered exclusively by you in such an arrangement. These pairings are thoroughly devoid of a sense of “team.” Experience tells us that we do best when we’re pushed a little, and that is something the ditzes haven’t figured out yet.
Think of a version of the real life “Van Wilder” and you have found Oliver “Ali” Nejad. With a broad and rich knowledge of everything from cars, computers, and hi-tech gadgetry; to dating, collegiate culture, and sports; to music, movies, and poker, Nejad is the ultimate envelope pushing “man’s man.”
Recognized for his success in the poker world, Nejad has made a career out of more than just the gamble of a good hand. The multi-talented Nejad has been coined “The King of Poker Commentary,” having hosted or served as the play by play man and color commentator on a variety of shows including: FSN’s Poker Superstars II, NBC’s National Heads-up Poker Championship, the internationally seen Ultimate Poker Challenge, NBC’s Poker After Dark (on in 13 countries), and ESPN’s Pro-Am Poker Equalizer. Nejad also contributes as a Men’s Lifestyle expert to a slew of shows and sites including TheUltimateTailgater.com and FOX’s Red Eye. For more info: www.olivernejad.com