Our glorious revolution is taking hold. The American pigs are bowing to our every whim without even knowing it. In their puny capital in Washington, they're making sure all Americans will drive a car they don't want — just like Russia's Lada!
Those capitalists will say that these tiny cars, which cost $1,300 more, will fold like tin foil in crashes; in other words, global warming won't kill them, the car crashes will.
But of course they would say that! Even a child knows how smaller, efficient cars benefit the collective with lower pollution.
Then look at how the swine treat their banks and credit card companies; borrow and spend your country into our grip! Those pigs will say banks should be allowed to repay government loans so they can go back to business as usual and people with good credit shouldn't have to cover the deadbeats.
Well, what do they know? Isn't it obvious that all companies would benefit from at least some nationalization?
And, how could I forget California, where our plants have infiltrated better than anywhere else. What could be more noble than a state that saves the lovable sea otters and protects its own from the perils of toxic dry cleaning? Sure, those capitalists will say that California should not threaten to fire police or teachers when they are still spending money on the sea otters.
Oh, how foolish!
Take heart, comrades, the Americans are saving everything but their money!
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OK — stop.
Gang, I want to ask the question that so many people were asking of George W. Bush when it came to the Iraq war: What's our exit strategy?
Let's start with the auto industry's new CAFE standards to fight global warming (or whatever it's being called these days). The government isn't content with just firing car company CEOs and slashing ad budgets; it's now telling Americans they need to drive a less-safe car, because otherwise they're harming the planet.
When is enough, enough?
Then there's California, which spends money on stupid things — like $226 million for biodiversity conservation; $5.6 million for the Arts Council; and $404,000 for pesticide pollution prevention. And it also goes into tens of billions of dollars of debt; what's going to happen when Tuesday's propositions fail and the state is $21 billion in the hole?
Will they be bailed out? Then maybe New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts will follow suit. Will it stop with the complete annihilation of the state governments and a full-blown federal system?
And finally, China, which has learned a lesson we haven't when it comes to spending: They save more than half the money that goes into their economy — compared to the U.S., which saves 8 percent. (Seventy percent of our economy is based on spending; isn't it clearly catching up with us?)
On top of that, China is working with Brazil to axe the dollar and they're gobbling up natural resources, spending many billions of dollars on gold mines, copper mines, oil fields and much more.
How can our country hope to remain as the lone superpower when China has so much momentum on its side?
It's time to teach your kids to speak Mandarin Chinese!
The problem with our government is that they waste time and money focused on fixing the crisis of the day, rather than looking at the bigger picture.
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