Choose A, B, C or David 'None of the Above' Gatchell

There are lots of colorful things you might not want to do if you plan to run for office one day. Count amusing name changes among those things.

Confused? Meet David “None of the Above” Gatchell.

Gatchell, tired of elections in which he felt the public was forced to pick the best of the worst, legally changed his middle name from “Leroy” to “None of the Above” last year, and set his sights on a life in the public eye.

The man with the amusing moniker is running as an independent for governor of Tennessee and for the U.S. Senate, reports.

But he wants his legal name on the ballot, and state election commissioners aren’t laughing. In fact, they unanimously voted to bar Gatchell’s unusual middle name from the ballots altogether in April.

Gatchell, who has sued the commission, says he just wants to give voters a way to voice their displeasure with the people in politics.

"They don't want to have to pick the least disagreeable candidate," Gatchell said.

Bobby Sands, the election commissioner who made the motion against the moniker, said that since Gatchell doesn’t normally sign documents as “None of the Above,” he has no reason to appear on the ballot under that name.

"He's playing games with the ballot," Sands said. "He has never used that name. What's misleading is that we don't have that option on the ballot."

But Gatchell insists his legal name is just too lengthy to fit on most documents.

"I feel so strong about this. It's my identity," he said.

And believe it or not, Gatchell’s name game wouldn’t be the only off-color entry allowed on the ballots this year. Among the permitted nicknames are “Twofeathers,” "Combat," "Booty," "Coach," and "Pee Wee."

Gatchell says that if he was elected as “None of the Above,” he would give voters a chance to pick another winner — excluding those on the original ballot, of course — with another election and resign.

Lady Cop Goes Undercover ... Um ... Really Undercover

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — A New Zealand policewoman has been censured for some unauthorized "undercover" work — a stint moonlighting as a prostitute — but is being allowed to keep her day job after giving up the night duties.

While prostitution is legal in New Zealand and police are allowed to take approved second jobs, a top officer said sex work and police work don't mix.

The policewoman had worked for a limited time as a prostitute in the northern city of Auckland before her clandestine activity was uncovered, police said. Her name and rank have not been made public.

Police media communications manager Jon Neilson said he understood the officer had taken up "secondary employment due to financial difficulties," but had not sought police approval to work in the sex industry.

She has been counseled over the matter, which "under police procedures .... amounts to a censure," said Deputy Police Commissioner Lyn Provost.

"I can assure the public that ... this type of secondary employment would never be approved given that the type of work is inappropriate and incompatible with policing," Provost said.

A spokeswoman for the New Zealand Prostitutes' Collective said that depending on the brothel in which she worked, the police officer could have earned 500 New Zealand dollars (US$312) on a busy night.

Had she heard of other police officers moonlighting as sex workers?

"We have law students that are sex workers, we have doctors that are sex workers, I mean anyone can be a sex worker," the woman said, asking that she not be named due to the sensitive nature of her job.

"NZPC's philosophy is that we support people that are in that (for) secondary employment," she added.

Police Minister Annette King called the matter an internal police employment issue. It was "inappropriate" for her to comment.

Highway _obbe_y

GREENCASTLE, Ind. (AP) — A consonant-loving thief has police and business owners baffled after dozens of Rs were stolen from signs around the community.

"We've lost our Rs. And we want them back," said Randall Jones, president of Headley Hardware.

The weekend caper targeted gas stations, restaurants, repair shops and medical offices in the city of 10,000 people about 40 miles west of Indianapolis.

The thief also nabbed half a dozen letters from a lighted marquee in front of a National Guard post.

"I don't know if they think it's a joke, but to me it's just theft," said National Guard Sgt. Robert Lamb. "I just think it's disturbing."

Putnam Inn manager Jane Hansen isn't sure how the thief climbed more than 6 feet off the ground to take Rs from a sign in front of her motel.

"Whoever's doing it needs to put their talents to something more constructive," she said.

Greencastle Police said they've been notified about the stolen letters, but many business owners are choosing not to file reports.

No Gardening Glove Is Safe From This Cat Burglar

PELHAM, N.Y. (AP) — A pink-and-white gardening glove was missing Thursday morning from Jeannine Goche's front porch. But there was absolutely no mystery about who had taken it. Willy, the cat who loves gloves, had struck again.

"It has to be him," said Goche, an attorney. "I've heard about him."

As if the gardeners of Pelham don't have enough to worry about, with the rocky soil and the slugs and the big trees casting too much shade, a feline felon has been sneaking into their back yards and carrying off gardening gloves.

Goche's flower-patterned number may soon take its place on the clothesline that's strung across the front fence at Willy's home, which he shares with Jennifer and Dan Pifer, their 19-month-old son Hudson and a mutt named Peanut Chew.

Above the line is a sign that says, in words and pictures, "Our cat is a glove snatcher. Please take these if yours."

On Thursday morning, nine pairs of gardening gloves and five singles were strung up, nicely framed by the Pifers' flourishing tomato and basil plants. Willy, looking innocent, was playing with a beetle under the Subaru in the driveway and occasionally dashing after Hudson.

"This all started about the time people began working in their gardens, I guess March or April," Jennifer Pifer said. "Willy would just show up with a glove, or we'd see them on the front steps. I guess it's better than if he was bringing home dead birds."

Willy couldn't care less about the gloves after they're captured. On Thursday he could not be enticed into a grab-the-glove game.

In winter, when gardening gloves are hard to find, Willy switches to his offseason prey, dirty socks, which he brings from the laundry room.

"We find them in the hallway, on the stairs," she said. "I used to think, 'Oh, I must have dropped it on the way down.' But now I know better."

Teton County Mooners Blue Over Banished Bun-Baring

JACKSON, Wyo. (AP) — Every year, as the sun sets on the Teton County Fair, the moons come out: as many as 10 streakers at the demolition derby on the fair's last day.

This year, law enforcement officers are pledging a crackdown.

Teton County Attorney Steve Weichman said a growing number of people have told him they didn't think that "drunk, crazy and naked streaking" is a "great, normal, fun thing."

Opposition to the streaking has grown since last year's derby, he said, when a deputy used a Taser to apprehend John Chase Rogers, 21, dropping him to the dirt as he streaked with a fire extinguisher before a crowd of 3,500.

Posters at the fair office warn that at this year's fair, any public nudity will bring a charge of misdemeanor child endangerment, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine.

Attorney David DeFazio spoke out against last year's Taser incident and questioned the need for a crackdown this year.

"I just question whether a couple of streakers at a county fair in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, is objectionable to accepted standards of decency," he said.

But Jackson Police Chief Dan Zivkovich said streaking doesn't have to be tolerated. "We just think it's time to take control of the event again and say this really is intended to be a family event," he said.

The demolition derby will be July 30.

Compiled by's Taylor Timmins.

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