It was only a few years ago that we were told that bird flu would leave our country covered with corpses and feathers. But now, according to real experts, "the risk was over-estimated" and the pandemic lacked scientific proof.
It's just like all those other scares overblown by the media. Remember the killer bees? How about razor blades in candy? What about the return of fondue? I cheese-proofed my house and everything — but it was all hype.
That's because hysteria makes great press for the experts quoted and the reporters who quote them. Panics, like conspiracies, are also a great way to pretend you care about an issue when you're only repeating dopey headlines. Sadly it takes more brains to debunk hysteria and that's why you never hear real doctors babbling about bird flu or global warming — they're too busy working, instead of doing CNN.
And you're going to see this again in eight years, when the dangers of global warming approximate the dangers of bird flu — with less poop. But, on the off chance I am wrong, I just bought a new Speedo. If you'd like to see me in it, e-mail me at Gregsbananahammock.org and I will send you a hand-drawn replica in two to three business years.
And that’s my gut feeling!