This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," March 12, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "At Your Beck and Call" segment tonight: Earlier this week, our pal Glenn devoted a full hour to interviewing Congressman Eric Massa, the tickle guy. Last night I spoke with Beck about that.


O'REILLY: All right. So how did that Massa thing go for you?

Click here to watch Beck in the No Spin Zone!

GLENN BECK, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Well, I mean, I know you don't want to talk about this. But Bill and I were just backstage a few minutes ago during the commercial break tickling each other. It was...

O'REILLY: You know, I would rather amputate my fingers. I really would.

BECK: The guy was like, "Oh no, we were having tickle fights." I'm like...

O'REILLY: Tickle fights?

BECK: ..."that's normal?"

O'REILLY: It's normal in Key West.

BECK: It's — I — to each his own, I guess. But that's not something that normal 50-year-old guys do with — you know, tickle each other.

O'REILLY: Why did you give him an hour on your show?

BECK: Because he talked to me on the phone. He said, "You know, I have nothing to lose, and I want to expose all of this."

O'REILLY: Expose. Did he use that word?

BECK: Come to think of it, that should have been a tip-off. See, that's why I said — I said, "Why come on this show?"

And he said, "Well, I wanted the toughest interview there is."

I said, "That would be Bill O'Reilly."

O'REILLY: And you — you were being serious?

BECK: Yes. You would have sliced him to ribbons.

O'REILLY: I don't know how I would have done it, because I just think that he's not even worthy of airtime.


O'REILLY: I think that he's just another in a long line of people who can't control themselves, and he's out and good riddance to him. But you gave him an hour. There had to be a reason why you and your crack staff wanted to devote that much time to the guy.

BECK: Because I wanted to give him the opportunity to either hang himself without me — I don't need to hang anybody. He hung himself.

O'REILLY: Of course.

BECK: Give him enough rope to absolutely hang himself. The first 20 minutes was pretty riveting stuff. The first 20 minutes was like, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh." Then he started saying, "And wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. What? What?"

O'REILLY: But do you think there was more importance to the story than just an out-of-control guy? Is there anything else there?

BECK: What he was claiming over the weekend, yes.

O'REILLY: That — that the Obama administration was out to get him?

BECK: Oh, yes. Not only out to get him but there was bribery and everything else. And I said to him, I said, "Look, so then you have details on this? You have facts?"

"Absolutely I do."

"You're willing to expose those things?"

"Absolutely. I've got nothing to lose."

O'REILLY: The reason that I didn't — and this is absolutely true. The reason I didn't have anybody call the guy, and he told you that, that I didn't call him.

BECK: Yes.

O'REILLY: Was because guys like that, troubled guys like that, I don't really want to have anything to do with them unless they have power over our lives. Unless they're doing stuff...

BECK: That's what I said at the beginning of the show...

O'REILLY: Right, right.

BECK: ...and at the end of the show.

O'REILLY: You said — you admitted to the folks this guy is a total waste of time.

BECK: Absolutely. And I said at the beginning of the show you have to ask him, "Do you believe him on this subject? Do you believe him on this subject?" The next question you have to ask, "Do either of these affect your lives?" No. It does if he was talking about corruption and had evidence.

O'REILLY: Now, something that does affect people's lives, what they eat, and the government increasingly wants to regulate what you eat. And the Beckmeister is — is objecting to that. Roll the tape.


BECK: I do not want the government controlling my diet. I like being able to decide whether to face myself with Doritos and sit around the house in my underpants and eat all day. It's my choice. You know, there's a place in New York City. You've got to come to New York City and do the town with me, because I know where all the good stuff is. They make double-fried cherry pie. Mmm. This is good. Now, it's been banned. Too many fats, you know? May I just say — (SINGING) this pie was made for you and me.


O'REILLY: And you were arrested right after that for eating that pie.

BECK: Yes. They took me away in calorie cuffs.

O'REILLY: But no, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I want you to have all the Twinkies and Ding Dongs that you want, all right? I want you to be happy.

BECK: You are a God among men.

O'REILLY: All right. Now, say you do that. You sit at home and you eat your Doritos and Ding Dongs all day long, and you don't have any money because you're spending it on Doritos and Ding Dongs.

BECK: Sucks to be you.

O'REILLY: And then you're 45 and you have the heart attack. You have to go to the hospital. You can't pay for it. I have to.

BECK: No. I have private insurance.

O'REILLY: I was talking about people who don't. He's not focusing. His mind is on the cherry pie.

BECK: I got it. I'm listening. Don't mention cherry pie right now.

O'REILLY: The guy doesn't have any money.

BECK: Yes.

O'REILLY: He eats himself into a heart attack.

BECK: Right.

O'REILLY: He eats himself into a heart attack.

BECK: Right.

O'REILLY: They take him to the hospital. They will treat him. You will pay for it, and I will pay for it.

BECK: No. No, you're missing the part — no, no, you're missing the part. He can't afford health insurance. Is he working?

O'REILLY: No, he's just eating Doritos all day long.

BECK: Yes. Here's the prescription. Sucks to be him.

O'REILLY: But we suffer because of his irresponsibility.

BECK: No, it sucks to be him. No, you have to do something in society. You have to. You have to try.

O'REILLY: Your solution is to die in the street, or you and I will have to pay his bill. That's it. There is no in the middle.

BECK: We are already paying, and that's the problem.

O'REILLY: You already are.

BECK: And that's the problem. There are some people who cannot work.

O'REILLY: You would say to the ER. By the way, you would say no free care in ER.

BECK: No. OK, look, if you want to be a fatty fat fat, so if you don't want to work or you can't work, well, then you're on government assistance. Well, then, I can now regulate your life. I now can come in and say...

O'REILLY: Take the Doritos away.

BECK: Absolutely. If you're going to take money from the government, absolutely.

O'REILLY: So as soon as the guy comes into the ER and he can't pay, then the food police come in and strip all the garbage out of his house. You'd be for that?

BECK: If you are taking money, if you want to be a slave...

O'REILLY: He's taking money.

BECK: If you want to be a slave to the government, then they have every right. But leave the rest of us alone.

O'REILLY: I got it.

BECK: So here's the deal. If you don't have insurance and you need to take the government insurance, then the government has the right to regulate every aspect of your life.

O'REILLY: OK. I got it.

BECK: But leave the rest of us alone.

O'REILLY: I love it. I like that. Optional insurance. Private or public. The public, then they can take your Twinkies away. There you go.

All right. Now, you are doing a Broadway show they told me? You...

BECK: Yes. Glenn Beck on Broadway. Did you see?

O'REILLY: "La Cage Aux Folles?"

BECK: Massa, he's in that one. No, this is on Tuesday night. I'm doing the future of history.

O'REILLY: On Broadway?

BECK: Yes. It's part of a — it's part of our new insider premium package at GlennBeck.com.


BECK: And you can see it there, or you can get your tickets by going to GlennBeck.com and come see the show here in New York City.

O'REILLY: Beck on Broadway, everybody. The end of the world is here.

BECK: One night only. Close the door.


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