Animals Don't Give a 'Dam' About Going Green

"There's nothing more natural than a beaver."

Those were the exact words of a police spokesman in Poland, after discovering that a gang of these adorable animals were illegal logging.

See, greenies called the cops after they discovered 20 perfectly stacked tree trunks in northern Poland. When the cops followed the trail of a dragged tree, they found a dam, built by these callous little monsters.

Now, did the police arrest the beavers? Did the activists throw paint on the animals? Did Pam Anderson chain her swollen breasts to a spruce as a form of protest?

No, no and I wish.

In fact, the beavers continued their beavering, despite the suffering inflicted on Mother Earth. Worse, observers claim they didn't even carpool or check their tires for proper inflation!

Which leads me to my point: What do you do when nature is worse to nature, than man is?

I mean, animals don't give a damn about going green. Most don't even have the opposable thumbs necessary for recycling. I personally have witnessed animals urinating on fauna — which over time, actually kills trees. It's true. Its why there are no more woody plants outside the set of "The View." It's what Joy does.

Anyhow, I bring this up because I'm with the beavers. We're not here for the planet; the planet is here for us. We build shelters, we find food and we die. The earth, though, always goes on.

And anyone who's arrogant enough to think we make more impact than your average beaver, is just dam stupid!

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com