So, I'm wearing pants, which means another Rasmussen Poll has arrived. According to the numbers, 65 percent of Americans say they won't make major lifestyle changes to help the environment.
These findings, of course, will be filed under "idiot America" by our greenies stateside and abroad.
Yes, just another example of how selfish and short-sighted we dumb-ass Yanks really are. Screw the Earth. All we care about is our SUVs, PlayStations and, of course, our vintage collection of shrunken spotted owl heads — I have four.
So when not Frenching Hugo Chavez, Sean Penn will shake his head ruefully. Al Gore will sob quietly in his air conditioned silo made of coffee table books. And Tim Robbins will try to suffocate himself in a biodegradable, but reusable, shopping bag.
Hooray, I say, because these freaks are wrong. The reason why Americans are less likely to make said changes, isn't because they hate the Earth. It's because they hate people who won't shut up about the Earth.
So whose fault is that? Well, it's Gore's and every single manmade global warming apostle out there. By abandoning reasoned debate found in most scientific arenas and instead embracing media-friendly, self righteous hysteria — they became a noxious mixture of Chicken Little and Mrs. Kravitz — you know, from "Bewitched."
And, of course, they got cocky and fudged their data. Fact is, most Americans do care about the earth, but they can smell BS a mile away. And yeah, I'm referring to Barbra Streisand.
And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist homophobe who pours milk on starving kittens in hopes of enticing them to cannibalism.